It's All About ME - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Chance · 12-23-2005, 01:58 PM

I am so worn out today, I put in a good day being a responsible, productive, member of this society that we are suppose to live in. The medicine that I am taking is taking a toll on me right now. I have no energy at all, but yet I am suppose to keep pushing it and working. Some days I am just over-whelmed with everything that is going on today.

I am just plan shot!! I took my shot yesterday again but missed some of it. I didn't have the effects like it did the week before and I think that was because I missed some of the shot. Then it does make you very irritable, restless, and very discontent. I found myself I don't know how many times at work today going over and over the serenity prayer. It is like that is all I could do. I found myself almost falling off of a ladder which wouldn't be any good.

Then I come home to a mess because I don't have energy to clean and yet I know that I have to clean because I hate a messy house. I am just so damn tired I need to relax and yet I can not even seem to do that. God I hate this.

Love Vic

Dan · 12-23-2005, 02:00 PM

A dude that comes by here all too infrequently, Mackat, told me this one day, when I was in a deep rut.
Dan, do the dishes.
Slowly.

It works, man.

ASH · 12-23-2005, 02:06 PM

Vic, so sorry to hear your not feelig great, but try and not be too hard on yourself.
My cleaning tip for the day: Clean one nice space for yourself, (maybe in front of the TV),
and try to relax and take it easy, food helps.
Please take care of yourself :cheesyelf

Chance · 12-23-2005, 06:49 PM

Thanks but right now I feel like I am about to go over the edge with everything going on and with the holidays and being alone. I had someone ask me over for dinner. I went and then we went to a NA meeting which was good. I just got back from there and had to come home figured I would do dishes and clean up a little bit. I think I have to work tomorrow which just ********en sucks but then I should be grateful that I am even employable.

I think that I am just getting into that damn self pity or something I don't know. It is hard for me to decipher feelings and I have been trying really hard on it. I think too that I am coming up on a sobriety anniversary. I usually get pretty squirrely there also. Then I called my tech back home to help me with the software for Nero to burn Dvds and he walked me through it but I still can not burn Dvds or Cd's so now I am upset about that cause I wanted to do somethings for others for X-mas here.

Then I am trying not to react and that is why I thought that this thread would really help me cause I could use it to vent but then I wonder if that will even help or not. I also feel as if I am not making any progress, I am not happy where I am at all. I guess that we should be grateful that we are clean and sober. But to be honest right now, the way I feel. I would rather be high than to feel the way that I am feeling. Yet that probably isn't the truth either cause I would have been high right?

I just pray that there are people here from SR on Christmas because I don't know if I will make it if there isn't. I am all alone and yet they say that we never have to be alone again? When does that happen?

In memory of miracle · 12-23-2005, 07:04 PM

((( Vic )))
You sound tired,get some rest and try not to worry about the house and stuff. We do the best we can, one day at a time.
Bless,
Trish

Justme57 · 12-23-2005, 07:07 PM

Hi Vic!

I am sorry that you are feeling like this just now. I too am alone at christmas. This will be my 3rd christmas sober and alone, but it does get easier.I also will be working over Christmas, but as you have said, I am lucky to have employment to go to. I am going to an AA friends house tonite for a christmas meal, and while at this moment, I dont feel like going, I know it will do me good , and that they genuinely want me there .

I just keep telling myself, " this will pass" it has in the past, and it will again

I hope you can hold onto that thought too

HUGX
Lee

grumpy_b05 · 12-23-2005, 07:14 PM

Hello My friend!

You should be proud of youself!

Your working you A** off, taking meds that make you sick, feeling like sh*t, tired, and your not high!!! That in itself is AWESOME!!! So what if you don't do all the dishes in ten minutes, do like Dan said and do them slowly. Do one thing today and something else tomorrow. Or better yet do something for Vic like read a book, take a hot bath, or even write a poem about how you are feeling.
Remember One Day at a Time and Easy Does It!!!

velvet · 12-23-2005, 07:18 PM

Lucky, I was just thinking, I will be on all day Christmas, because my two youngest go to their dads' this Christmas day. I may not be your favorite...but sometimes you take what you can get.:tongue2:

Chance · 12-24-2005, 05:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velvet

Lucky, I was just thinking, I will be on all day Christmas, because my two youngest go to their dads' this Christmas day. I may not be your favorite...but sometimes you take what you can get.:tongue2:

I never said that you weren't my favorite person LOL but thanks I don't know what I will do sometimes I think that I have had it to the rope ends and back.

I am doing a little better this morning after soaking in a hot tub last night, did my morning readings this morning, trying to get my program back on track. I know that I have been slacking on a lot of things with it. I just don't have the energy but I have decided today to just do it and whatever gets done gets done. Sounds like it might have rained today, so now my mind is playing that well you don't have to go to work today LOL yeah right.

Anyway thanks everyone for all your replies it really helped me last night and yesterday.

Love Vic

velvet · 12-24-2005, 08:29 PM

Sounds like a plan....do whatever..at whatever speed..and maybe watch a scary..spookie movie. Pretend it's Halloween. You don't have to please anyone...who cares if the house work doesn't get done. I, on the other hand, have this obsessive behavior that I can't leave the house until all 4 beds are made and the dishes done. The dust could be 4 inches thick...but what the he**! It's pathetic. Well Lucky, post and let me know you're out there tomorrow. We'll have alittle Christmas "cheer".

Chance · 12-25-2005, 09:42 AM

Today is a day of gratitude for what I have and for what I don't have. I have been in good spirits for the past few days I think that shot takes a few days to wear off. I have learned a valuable lesson here this last week. For one it isn't all about me, I am not the bride at every wedding, or the corpse at every funeral. I am just another junkie that is doing what he has to in order to recover one day at a time.

I have came from the depths of hell literally. I don't really know if there is in fact an after life (although I believe there is) but if there is a hell I have been there and done that. So today no matter what is going on between my ears, I know that nothing is worse than active addiction. I am very grateful to live with a little bit of happiness. It doesn't matter where I have been per say yet my past is and always will be my best assets. But where I am headed today.

Today on this lovely day of Christmas I have been given a gift and it is in fact the most important gift in life for an addict or alke and that is a clean and sober day. Nothing major is going on between my ears today. I have called home and wished them a Merry Christmas, I have called a few friends from SR and told them Merry Christmas, I have told my Saviour Happy Birthday. I have been given life.

Love Vic

Dan · 12-25-2005, 09:56 AM

Nice post, Vic.
And if it gets a little too much being alone today, head for the Salvation Army or a meeting. Plenty of brothers and sisters less fortunate than you and me looking for company today.
Merry Christmas, bro.

Chance · 12-25-2005, 09:06 PM

Thanks Dan and today I didn't feel alone. I can be in a room full of people and still be all alone but it wasn't like that today. I went down to the AA Club and had dinner, fellowship, just a lovely day. I had my kids call me today, I got a beautful gift of sobriety, I don't think that I pissed anyone off today LOL>>>I am just a happy camper.

Love Vic

velvet · 12-26-2005, 05:01 PM

Hey happy camper, I do hope that you are never the bride

Chance · 12-26-2005, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velvet

Hey happy camper, I do hope that you are never the bride

Yeah

that would hurt. Today was just one of those days that I had to force myself to do anything and everything. From the time I woke up until now but I haven't really been upset or anything I just didn't want to do anything. Had to keep saying to myself, OK Vic, What would an adult do? You know I might be an adult but I have never lived like it LOL>>Anyway it did turn out to be a good day and then DAN came into my head about dishes so I even did them

OK peace

Love Vic

velvet · 12-26-2005, 07:57 PM

Glad you had a good day. It's hard being an adult, especially one that has to be responsible. :sweat: I've had to be pretty much an adult for the last 25 yrs. (first child born) Some days I'd like to just have no one to answer to, stay in bed, not cook or clean. Hey, but who would let the dog out to pee? Way to go Lucky, you did good!

Chy · 12-26-2005, 08:15 PM

I hope today was a good day Vic, sorry I missed your first post. *hugs*

Chance · 12-27-2005, 07:57 PM

It's OK Chy I miss most of my mind. I am just tired and then I go get blood work done today and after a run around because everyone said they could not draw the blood I went to the hospital and they drew it finally. Well when she got done drawing the blood this guy walks in with 5 empty vials and said who do these belong to? Well they were mine and then she had to draw the blood again. I felt so weak from it but I went to work anyway. Got home did a little posting was tired laid down and just woke up I am going to see if I can not go back to bed I am just worn out completely.

Vic

12-23-2005, 01:58 PM	#1 (permalink)
Chance JUST DO IT!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Here Or There Posts: 7,393 Blog Entries: 10	It's All About ME I am so worn out today, I put in a good day being a responsible, productive, member of this society that we are suppose to live in. The medicine that I am taking is taking a toll on me right now. I have no energy at all, but yet I am suppose to keep pushing it and working. Some days I am just over-whelmed with everything that is going on today. I am just plan shot!! I took my shot yesterday again but missed some of it. I didn't have the effects like it did the week before and I think that was because I missed some of the shot. Then it does make you very irritable, restless, and very discontent. I found myself I don't know how many times at work today going over and over the serenity prayer. It is like that is all I could do. I found myself almost falling off of a ladder which wouldn't be any good. Then I come home to a mess because I don't have energy to clean and yet I know that I have to clean because I hate a messy house. I am just so damn tired I need to relax and yet I can not even seem to do that. God I hate this. Love Vic __________________ With Love and Respect Vic With God and A Little Luck We won't have to use today

12-23-2005, 06:49 PM	#4 (permalink)
Chance JUST DO IT!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Here Or There Posts: 7,393 Blog Entries: 10	Thanks but right now I feel like I am about to go over the edge with everything going on and with the holidays and being alone. I had someone ask me over for dinner. I went and then we went to a NA meeting which was good. I just got back from there and had to come home figured I would do dishes and clean up a little bit. I think I have to work tomorrow which just ********en sucks but then I should be grateful that I am even employable. I think that I am just getting into that damn self pity or something I don't know. It is hard for me to decipher feelings and I have been trying really hard on it. I think too that I am coming up on a sobriety anniversary. I usually get pretty squirrely there also. Then I called my tech back home to help me with the software for Nero to burn Dvds and he walked me through it but I still can not burn Dvds or Cd's so now I am upset about that cause I wanted to do somethings for others for X-mas here. Then I am trying not to react and that is why I thought that this thread would really help me cause I could use it to vent but then I wonder if that will even help or not. I also feel as if I am not making any progress, I am not happy where I am at all. I guess that we should be grateful that we are clean and sober. But to be honest right now, the way I feel. I would rather be high than to feel the way that I am feeling. Yet that probably isn't the truth either cause I would have been high right? I just pray that there are people here from SR on Christmas because I don't know if I will make it if there isn't. I am all alone and yet they say that we never have to be alone again? When does that happen? __________________ With Love and Respect Vic With God and A Little Luck We won't have to use today

12-23-2005, 07:04 PM	#5 (permalink)
In memory of miracle In Memory Of Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Connecticut. Posts: 3,738	((( Vic ))) You sound tired,get some rest and try not to worry about the house and stuff. We do the best we can, one day at a time. Bless, Trish __________________ In Memory Of Teach only love...

12-23-2005, 07:14 PM	#7 (permalink)
grumpy_b05 Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: grumpyville, co Posts: 115	Hello My friend! You should be proud of youself! Your working you A** off, taking meds that make you sick, feeling like sh*t, tired, and your not high!!! That in itself is AWESOME!!! So what if you don't do all the dishes in ten minutes, do like Dan said and do them slowly. Do one thing today and something else tomorrow. Or better yet do something for Vic like read a book, take a hot bath, or even write a poem about how you are feeling. Remember One Day at a Time and Easy Does It!!! __________________ Hugs & Laughter GRUMPY :andy:

12-23-2005, 07:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
velvet Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 367	Lucky, I was just thinking, I will be on all day Christmas, because my two youngest go to their dads' this Christmas day. I may not be your favorite...but sometimes you take what you can get.:tongue2: __________________ When one door of our journey in life closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

12-23-2005, 02:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
Dan Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 8,710	A dude that comes by here all too infrequently, Mackat, told me this one day, when I was in a deep rut. Dan, do the dishes. Slowly. It works, man.

12-23-2005, 02:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
ASH Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: New Focus Posts: 687	Vic, so sorry to hear your not feelig great, but try and not be too hard on yourself. My cleaning tip for the day: Clean one nice space for yourself, (maybe in front of the TV), and try to relax and take it easy, food helps. Please take care of yourself :cheesyelf

12-23-2005, 07:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
Justme57 Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Melbourne victoria Posts: 1,976 Blog Entries: 7	Hi Vic! I am sorry that you are feeling like this just now. I too am alone at christmas. This will be my 3rd christmas sober and alone, but it does get easier.I also will be working over Christmas, but as you have said, I am lucky to have employment to go to. I am going to an AA friends house tonite for a christmas meal, and while at this moment, I dont feel like going, I know it will do me good , and that they genuinely want me there . I just keep telling myself, " this will pass" it has in the past, and it will again I hope you can hold onto that thought too HUGX Lee

12-24-2005, 08:29 PM	#10 (permalink)
velvet Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 367	Sounds like a plan....do whatever..at whatever speed..and maybe watch a scary..spookie movie. Pretend it's Halloween. You don't have to please anyone...who cares if the house work doesn't get done. I, on the other hand, have this obsessive behavior that I can't leave the house until all 4 beds are made and the dishes done. The dust could be 4 inches thick...but what the he**! It's pathetic. Well Lucky, post and let me know you're out there tomorrow. We'll have alittle Christmas "cheer". __________________ When one door of our journey in life closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

12-25-2005, 09:42 AM	#11 (permalink)
Chance JUST DO IT!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Here Or There Posts: 7,393 Blog Entries: 10	Today is a day of gratitude for what I have and for what I don't have. I have been in good spirits for the past few days I think that shot takes a few days to wear off. I have learned a valuable lesson here this last week. For one it isn't all about me, I am not the bride at every wedding, or the corpse at every funeral. I am just another junkie that is doing what he has to in order to recover one day at a time. I have came from the depths of hell literally. I don't really know if there is in fact an after life (although I believe there is) but if there is a hell I have been there and done that. So today no matter what is going on between my ears, I know that nothing is worse than active addiction. I am very grateful to live with a little bit of happiness. It doesn't matter where I have been per say yet my past is and always will be my best assets. But where I am headed today. Today on this lovely day of Christmas I have been given a gift and it is in fact the most important gift in life for an addict or alke and that is a clean and sober day. Nothing major is going on between my ears today. I have called home and wished them a Merry Christmas, I have called a few friends from SR and told them Merry Christmas, I have told my Saviour Happy Birthday. I have been given life. Love Vic __________________ With Love and Respect Vic With God and A Little Luck We won't have to use today

12-25-2005, 09:56 AM	#12 (permalink)
Dan Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 8,710	Nice post, Vic. And if it gets a little too much being alone today, head for the Salvation Army or a meeting. Plenty of brothers and sisters less fortunate than you and me looking for company today. Merry Christmas, bro.

12-25-2005, 09:06 PM	#13 (permalink)
Chance JUST DO IT!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Here Or There Posts: 7,393 Blog Entries: 10	Thanks Dan and today I didn't feel alone. I can be in a room full of people and still be all alone but it wasn't like that today. I went down to the AA Club and had dinner, fellowship, just a lovely day. I had my kids call me today, I got a beautful gift of sobriety, I don't think that I pissed anyone off today LOL>>>I am just a happy camper. Love Vic __________________ With Love and Respect Vic With God and A Little Luck We won't have to use today

12-26-2005, 05:01 PM	#14 (permalink)
velvet Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 367	Hey happy camper, I do hope that you are never the bride __________________ When one door of our journey in life closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

12-26-2005, 07:57 PM	#16 (permalink)
velvet Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 367	Glad you had a good day. It's hard being an adult, especially one that has to be responsible. :sweat: I've had to be pretty much an adult for the last 25 yrs. (first child born) Some days I'd like to just have no one to answer to, stay in bed, not cook or clean. Hey, but who would let the dog out to pee? Way to go Lucky, you did good! __________________ When one door of our journey in life closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

12-26-2005, 08:15 PM	#17 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,867	I hope today was a good day Vic, sorry I missed your first post. hugs

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12-27-2005, 07:57 PM	#18 (permalink)
Chance JUST DO IT!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Here Or There Posts: 7,393 Blog Entries: 10	It's OK Chy I miss most of my mind. I am just tired and then I go get blood work done today and after a run around because everyone said they could not draw the blood I went to the hospital and they drew it finally. Well when she got done drawing the blood this guy walks in with 5 empty vials and said who do these belong to? Well they were mine and then she had to draw the blood again. I felt so weak from it but I went to work anyway. Got home did a little posting was tired laid down and just woke up I am going to see if I can not go back to bed I am just worn out completely. Vic __________________ With Love and Respect Vic With God and A Little Luck We won't have to use today

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