*sigh*

[lilymae]

first of all thank all of you for your replys im going througha hard time and have been for a while most of the time i sleep so that i dont have to deal with anything when im not sleepin i want to curlup into a ball and cry untill i can no longer cry until all i can do is die or im fighting witth my family and myself i have no one to talk to here because i can not give my sister anything else to use against us in the custody battleso until it is over i must do what i can to control it i must i will if that means that i have to pop handfuls of pils throughout the day ordrink or cut or starve myself or whatever i will i have to i cant lose them i just cant and it may seem stupid or whatever but its not as simple as it sounds
amanda

Amanda, please don't hurt yourself! We care about you.

[cece1960]

Amber, honey, slow down and think for a spell...
All of the things you mention will not help you to gain control. It will not help your nieces, it will not help you.
I am positve your nieces love you as much as you do them.
If you can't think of yourself this minute, think of them and that they need you in their life.
Sweetie, my son is a heroin addict...currently in recovery. I KNOW he thought that I felt the same way about him as how you say your family feels.
You know what? I never stopped loving him, I never stopped caring and I never gave up hope.
I was scared...for him and for my family.
Things can get better Amanda, it all starts with one little step...
You say you can't talk about things, so how about telling us about you?
What do you like to do for fun? Do you have any special pets? Whats your favorite food?
Keeping hanging out...we care
((((hugs)))
Cece

[BigSis]

i can not give my sister anything else to use against us in the custody battleso until it is over i must do what i can to control it i must i will if that means that i have to pop handfuls of pils throughout the day ordrink or cut or starve myself or whatever i will i have to

Amanda... I am confused!

Each of the things you mention will do EXACTLY what you are trying to avoid... prove that you are willing to harm yourself and that you are not in control of your drinking and drugging.

Is that what you are saying you want?

If not, then please try to settle down.... breathe and think about ONE thing you can do to get what you need. Just one.

What I do when I am so jumbled up (yep... I have and still AM sometimes that jumbled up!)..... is to pray.

No... not for a specific outcome... I've tried that, and when it didn't work - I got resentful and when it DID work... I got resentful.

Instead, I've learned to pray to be WILLING to follow the will of my Higher Power.... to be "accepting" and to "trust".

Sound easy? Ha! It's the hardest prayer I've ever tried to pray in my whole life.... and the one with the absolute best outcomes.

... and trying it can't hurt. Not you. Not your sisters. Not anyone.


Sendin you love, Amanda... more than you know.

((((hugs))))

[indigo]

Amanda you're young please don't do anything in haste, things do change, do get better and I hope it will be soon for you. I care.

indigo