Forgiveness...

Forgiveness...
by Jim Brady


Here's a process that should take a lifetime. Actually, I'll probably have to come back a few times to complete it. Just how am I to forgive myself for the ravage I've caused in so many people's lives? How do I forgive and forget placing myself above everyone else? How can the hurts of life that seem so distant, yet right in my face, ever be healed?
Well, from where I sit, it appears it just takes time. Time to sit alone and seek whatever guidance I believe in. The word "wait" is like a slap in the face to me, but that's exactly what I've had to do. Wait and give myself time to learn a new way of living. A new way to interact with life.

Healing is like the peeling of an onion. As each layer is removed, another appears. As I look at an onion I notice that the outer layer is tough and not too tasty. It's a hard shell produced to protect the inner sweetness the core of the onion possesses. So rank are some layers that tears come to the eye as they are peeled away. But the peeling continues because we know that the center is sweet and the tears will subside and a good meal will be enhanced by its presence.

What I've found is that I need not forgive and forget, because it is really quite impossible. What I need to do is remember the event I'm dealing with and then release it. Remembering is not always pretty, it ususally hurts. But I've found that nothing goes away by my ignoring it and if I wish to grow these things need to be dealt with.

The old line, "You did the best you could with the information you had at the time" gets me through the "remember and release" painful periods. I cannot judge yesterdays actions with the expanded information I have today. As I remember and release, this line helps me to forgive my part of the situation. I can only sweep my side of the street. I didnt get this way overnight and my healing will take awhile also. But I can forgive myself for today.

[Paulie]

MG -

Thank you! That is so true!!! I had a really hard time in early recovery when I was working on the unmanageability part of the first step. and my sponsor would say..It just happened..I had to forgive myself, not easy...and it is still a journey today. When I read things on the Anon boards, guilt comes over for the way I treated others while I was using, and I have to forgive myself all over again.

This was great reading and a keeper for me.

Thank you my friend.