Gallop.

[equus]

I was 16, a trainee in a big, highly disciplined yard, my first year on horses, horses that seemed like something I dreamed up - expensive, exquisite, clipped and turned out to turn heads.

I arrived as they came in for the season, fat and round after a summer of grass, bored of grazing and ready for work. First walking excercise, then a trot or two and I was learning to hold their power calmly and plainly. Our head girl alongside me showing me how to lightly check, keep order, respectfully listening to words like 'hold'.

As the season moves on the tempo gets hotter and I learn new phrases like 'Hold HARD' 'Take the front' 'Kicking on' 'Are you right?' 'Bring him down'. A line of five girls sat on hot, powerful, getting very fit horses, one head girl calling the ride, sending anyone struggling to hold their mount to the front, keeping discipline. I learn the rythms and rhymes, trots that last so long, canters feeling only tenuously controlled, horses getting fitter, bucking, breaking rank, and the head girl shout 'HOLD HARD' 'Take the front' 'Bring him down' each skill to match the words had been taught side by side, on hot horses, getting fitter.

On a morning you could see your breath the head girl says we're going to the gallops. ME - be inside my head, like an exam, like the day a dream will come true, feeling small but like I could rule the world or not and just fall and I remember the feeling of the tack, how the saddle smelt of soap and leather, how the bridle seemed so soft but heavy. I was on Muffin, a thourougbred in his early teens, a good hearted, easy horse.

Muffin was wise to it all, my tense body, the extra chatter, the disciplines called more clearly, he skipped and bucked all the way there.

I saw them, endless, green lush, as yet untouched, finally - the gallops. Inside my head goes beyond what I can wrap words round, fear and want, confidence and none of it, the testing day, caught in discipline, staying there safe.

'You right?' Shouts the head girl. I nod, wound up like an industrial spring. 'You right?' called back through the ride, more nods I think but can't see. 'Kicking on.... HOLD'

Explosions behind me, in front of me, CHAOS, FEAR, bucking, farting horses, too close behind, I sat mine's buck but only just, CHAOS!!

'HOLD HARD' The discipline rings through the air, do as your told, get to work, sit down, calm down, HOLD, HOLD HARD, hands down and still. And chaos slips into the rythm of the canter, relief, rythm, holding, rythm, dreams forgotton, just motion and rythm.

Breaking the sounds from the leather and hooves, the horse's breathing, the feel of mane on knuckle.

'Kicking on', she can hear we're alright, the chaos put back in it's box. Now is not chaos just force, arms ache, hands sore, fear coming, holding, losing, LOSING. The head girl says 'Come on, let him out' 'Take the handbrake off' 'Get up his neck'. Can't she see I losing control? 'Take the F***ing handbrake off!!!'.

Discipline, always, how we sweep, how we shovel, how we tack up, stuff nets, trot on and take the handbrake off! And music comes; a rythm I never heard before, Muffin slips into a new gear, my senses tied to his gallons of air, sweet easy breath, the sound of the saddle and hooves. He covers the ground in his own dance. The handbrake is off.

Inside me is firworks night, joy beyond words, impossible true me riding a fine thoroughbred, fit at the gallop. Sweetness, like best honey, flying, hearing a music that welds into my soul, the sound of it in all dimensions, sound can be a feeling of mane on knuckles.

'Kick on' 'Get up the neck' and a new phrase - 'Ask him'. Now I ask, I get up the neck, fear's long gone, like the horse I want the gallop, blood is faster than water. Up his neck with him I ask for the lead, for the gallop still endless. All I can see is the lush grass, I can hear the head girl laughing, necks come next to mine, Muffin quickens again, and again just green grass.

'Bring 'em down!' I know that phrase, a clear instruction from me to Muffin, not a demand, not a fight, sit down, hands down, holding. He comes back sweetly. Other horses and chatter come back into my world, he's relaxed, happy, I'm still flying in the clouds but disciplined, my body doing as the ride is called, while my head run's through mountains and swims in lakes.

[toforever]

There is so much texture, colors and layers here to this.... whatever you call it....Art I would say.... I was really sucked into it.... Awesome....made me thinking much on several different things.... from several different perspectives....Did you know that this was that special or did it just turn out like that? Was it really about a specific thing,... I understand its about horses and all, but there is more you are thinking about in life or whatever I know... Seriously, I need to know, and don't do that fake humble thing if you respond....Equus... Did anyone.else feel this post is rather incredible? Please some one, tell me what you think about this....this whole section is dead...its the most fun.... I want to talk about some of the murky stuff....not all the serious black and white stuff here allways, because its so sad sometimes....Being creative helps alot, thanks equus for the time to give some art....

Bradley

[equus]

It's an 18+ yr old memory and the asctual gallop plays in my head to the rythm of it, I physically remember the feelings, sounds, (particularly being aware of how much air the horse could process - the sound of that was deep!), all the body cantacts knees, knuckles, fingers, muscles - THE LOT.

I've told it lots of times to young grooms I've taken for their first gallop, close friends, D, different people because it always struck me as iconic. It just was.

I've never written it before and I think I had more guts not face to face to try and describe something I don't really have words for. When I've told it verbally it's been more about a childs dream, pretending to be a horse on any bit of green I could find (the grave yard) to the intense reality of living it - and BOY I'd never dreamed what reality would be!!

It's also a moment in time that's gone, that discipline is gone in yards as grooms often go to college first and are unwilling to ride in such a disciplined way. I was lucky to still work with kids young enough to listen and understand. I taught that riding is neither a sport or a hobby, you put metal in a fine animals mouth, you sit on it and ask so much from it and I believe no-one has any place there if they a playing a sport or doing a hobby. I taught that it's a discipline, to discipline your own temper, fear, excitement and ride right. That's what I was taught and it's a place that sometimes feels long gone.

The head girl in the story is now in her 40's and has probably the last job on earth where the rides are still disciplined. She's charge hand at the cavalry remount and still takes wet behind the ears squaddies out on cavalry horses 10 to 20 at a time through the towns and countryside - still brings them and all the horses back safe. Only in the army she uses arm signals to call the ride but I should think she'd still turn her head and call 'You right?' before going off at speed. I'd lay money she still rides alongside a newbie teaching them how to do each ride request.

I no longer ride - for now. My memories are incredible but without the daily practice, without the job to do I've got little interest as a hobby. It's still a discipline to me.

I enjoyed writing it - it's a precious memory and reminds me to hope. From a backstreet kid that had never touched a horse but was full of dreams - one by one I made them real and when I would get in a saddle whether for the first or fifth time in a day I'd remember that.

The gallop was in my first year of riding for a living, I went on to break youngsters and ride the two yard stallions - jet black. I LIVED the dreams people call childish and it was awsome. It's been the greatest achievment of my life - so far....

That's really all I can think to tell you about it, I'm glad you liked it.

[toforever]

Thats really sensual ~~
I could relate the post so much to life in general and what I am going through on several differnt views, yet it was really just very detailed and good writing of an experiece and time before that you portray vividly. Love it.

I often find that I feel life so much more in my memories
It funny the things that stay with you and its like it hurts to think about it because things change. Damn I wish I could go back to certain days and live them again or maybe go back and just watch it like a movie. Especially when things are so dull.

Bradley

[equus]

I often find that I feel life so much more in my memories
It funny the things that stay with you and its like it hurts to think about it because things change. Damn I wish I could go back to certain days and live them again or maybe go back and just watch it like a movie. Especially when things are so dull.

I think it can get better - it has for me. I used to feel so frustrated remembering those days and it always led to wanting to go back. I'm not sure I can pinpoint what exactly changed but something did and I stopped wanting to turn things back and started wanting new things. The best memories are from times when I've forged ahead rather than times I was trying to recreate the past. My memories just make me smile now rather than leave me feeling frustrated and currently unfullfilled. Everything changes, even jobs that seem centuries old - and they'll change again too.

My work situation right now (office job) should send me insane with boredom but instead I use the time to read and learn. Like being dealt a hand at cards stuff that I know I can't quickly change I try to put into use.

I suppose it's looking back for fondness rather than as a way to recreate or have the same feelings I had then. My first thoroughbred gallop, was the only first TB gallop I'll ever have.

[freedomcalls]

A beautiful piece of writing, equus.. really beautiful. It brought tears to me eyes.

Today i may have to face the final question for the old boy, Silver, who I look after. A horse who has the most wonderful movement and floats above the ground.. but who has grown slowly old, and over the last few days has stiffened up and is not moving well at all. The vet's due in a couple of hours.....
I shall think of your piece and of the horses running free and beautiful as i sit with him and wait....especially this bit

Inside me is firworks night, joy beyond words, impossible true me riding a fine thoroughbred, fit at the gallop. Sweetness, like best honey, flying, hearing a music that welds into my soul, the sound of it in all dimensions, sound can be a feeling of mane on knuckles.

[equus]

I'm so sorry to hear you're facing such a hard day - I hope you feel at peace with whatever decision was made.

Remember spring and new birth is just around the corner and memories outlive all of us!