If I Could Wish (a Poem From A Guilty Mum)

[Sam4rehab]

If I could wave a magic wand
My wishes to come true
Every single one of them
Would be for me and you.
Cos since I was a little girl
I daydreamed all the time
To have another just like me,
A best friend that's all mine.

Your dad and I both knew at once
The day your seed was sewn
And though you might not realize now
We loved each other so.
Our love sadly was not to last,
It breaks my heart to say
But try for you, oh boy we did,
Right through till New Years Day!

The New Year dawned as I woke up,
Your dad was gazing at me,
Convinced, so sure he knew right then,
Our baby was inside me.
We hadn't been together long,
And though we came to part
Like me he'd dreamed to share his love
Forever in his heart.

The best day of my life
Without a doubt, beyond compare
Was on the day that you were born
For me to love and care.
Your little ears were bent in half
Your foot was all skewiiff
I couldn't thank the Stalk enough
For bringing such a gift.

Un-con-di-tion-al!, at last
I knew what that word meant,
But not every baby
Is told their heaven sent.
It's sad, but true that some parents
Just give up on their kid
But I will never walk away,
No matter what you did.

Through times that I could not forsee
Nor would have recognized
Our life together was cut short
As my health did demise.
If I could turn the clock right back
I'd need that magic wand
To wish for genes that were different
Perhaps to be a blond!

My illness is so hard to understand
And for me too,
It's almost just as powerful
As my love is for you.
I hate myself for saying this
And you will never know
The guilt and shame I feel inside
I beg for it to go.

I try my very best
Though it's a battle every day,
And one I know will challenge me
Until my dying day.
The fight I wont give up
Although sometimes I feel I ought'a
Because of you, my lifelong dream,
My darling baby daughter.


15 December 2005

[Sam4rehab]

If I could wave a magic wand
My wishes to come true
Every single one of them
Would be for me and you.
Cos since I was a little girl
I daydreamed all the time
To have another just like me,
A best friend that's all mine.

Your dad and I both knew at once
The day your seed was sewn
And though you might not realize now
We loved each other so.
Our love sadly was not to last,
It breaks my heart to say
But try for you, oh boy we did,
Right through till New Years Day!

The New Year dawned as I woke up,
Your dad was gazing at me,
Convinced, so sure he knew right then,
Our baby was inside me.
We hadn't been together long,
And though we came to part
Like me he'd dreamed to share his love
Forever in his heart.

The best day of my life
Without a doubt, beyond compare
Was on the day that you were born
For me to love and care.
Your little ears were bent in half
Your foot was all skewiiff
I couldn't thank the Stalk enough
For bringing such a gift.

Un-con-di-tion-al!, at last
I knew what that word meant,
But not every baby
Is told their heaven sent.
It's sad, but true that some parents
Just give up on their kid
But I will never walk away,
No matter what you did.

Through times that I could not forsee
Nor would have recognized
Our life together was cut short
As my health did demise.
If I could turn the clock right back
I'd need that magic wand
To wish for genes that were different
Perhaps to be a blond!

My illness is so hard to understand
And for me too,
It's almost just as powerful
As my love is for you.
I hate myself for saying this
And you will never know
The guilt and shame I feel inside
I beg for it to go.

I try my very best
Though it's a battle every day,
And one I know will challenge me
Until my dying day.
The fight I wont give up
Although sometimes I feel I ought'a
Because of you, my lifelong dream,
My darling baby daughter.


15 December 2005[/QUOTE]