Dignity's Struggle

[findinganewme]

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Dignity's Struggle

~*~

With each moan that escapes him my heart disintegrates more
Pain killers merely disguise his agony for the comfort of his observers
His soul's struggle for release palpitates the room
A statue in my vigilance, I remain alone
His pain and my fatigue my only companions
Prayers long spent, hope abolished, the inevitable recognized
The feeding tube appears as a misplaced appendage
This sculptor of happiness and joy for so many, now but a shell of his former self
Meals kindly brought me remain ignored, magazines offered pile up
Patronizing, shallow platitudes of pity masquerading as solace infuriate me
Wearing disposable masks of sympathy they continue their robotic ministrations
He wants to be at home now, they tout professional care
The escape of blissful sleep lurks in my distant memory
Endless cups of coffee rebel in my stomach
I ache for just one cigarette and it's sooting acrid high
I debate the comfort of a shower, he may call for me, I remain at his side
I watch the others depart to start the at-home death wait, I cannot leave
His eyes open and he looks at me with heart wrenching love and trust
The love strengthens me, the trust shatters me, as he reaches for my hand
I softly kiss him, smile into his eyes and grant his last request
There are no warning monitors, no running feet
The only sound is the audible silence
His eyes leave mine as he looks over my shoulder and smiles at his escort
I look at his face and see it illuminated with the rapture he alone can see
The detested machine monsters resume their now futile task
My smile lingers a moment on the heart monitor with its flat green line
The alarms cry out and the green clad judgmental corps comes running
No longer able to fight the numbing fatigue, was my participation but a dream
My trepidation vanishes with the probability of divine intervention
I feel a soft, warm caress briefly embrace me as his liberated soul ascends
I watch him walk into that bright white light, and know I must tell his story
Where he now journeys I know not, his pain has ended, dignity lost its battle
Medical bureaucracy has won again, but how valiantly he fought to be set free
I leave, strengthened to fight the battle against the nothingness
The nothingness that will be life for so many, without him, without Jeffrey.