Hello, I am your disease

[Debbie]

Hi

Thought I would share this with you. My hubby got this when he was in rehab and it was one of the first things he showed me when he got out.



Hello, I am your disease

I Hate meetings...I Hate higher powers...I Hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I Am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That's Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased.
I love to catch you with the element of suprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, haven't I? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me? I was there, I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I Love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can't feel anything at all. This is true gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always.

When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes, they take seriously. Fools. Without my help these things would not be possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, Your meeting, Your higher power. All of these things weaken me, and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live I may only exist. But I am here...

And until we meet again, If we meet again, I wish you death and suffering.

This I found on the net......

I am your friend

I am your friend, the only true companion you have.
I am with you when you are lonely;
I am with you when you are sad.
I am with you when you feel withdrawn and when the world is cruel.
I hide the heckler's words and block the missiles thrown in ignorance and anger.
I shelter you from the storms and I shield you from your fears.
I am your friend. I walk with you daily and live in your thoughts.
I feed off your failures, I revel in your guilt.
I thrive on your shame and dance with your deceit.
I keep you in darkness and take pleasure in your pain.
I delight in your loneliness and wallow in your sins.
I laugh when you flounder and strike when you stumble.
I am your friend.
I relish in your anger and worship in your pride.
I feed off your compulsion and dwell in your isolation.
I am familiar with your weaknesses and abuse your denial.
I treasure your resentment and take comfort in your depression.
I am your friend
My name is "Your Disease."



I am your friend. I hold out my hand and bring you faith.
I award you serenity and self-esteem.
I bestow upon you peace and acceptance.
I wrap you in love and tender the shield of knowledge.
I volunteer humility and shower you with confidence.
I bequeath spiritual growth, emotional advancement and physical revival.
I am your friend; I will lead you out of the darkness into the light.
I will carry you when you are weak and escort you through honesty.
I will provide tools for the battles and binding for your wounds.
I am your friend. I will teach you abstinence and release you from burden.
I will initiate forgiveness and I will foster willingness.
I will nurture ambition and claim back your life.
I am your friend.
My name is "Recovery."

Thanks Debbie,

I will print this one

Hugs,

MG

[Debbie]

Hey MG,

I wasn't sure if this was a little too much but it is definitely the truth

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

[JT]

Good job Debbie!

This one is for the printer!

[Ann]

Amen.

Printing too. Thank you for posting this.

[Old Lady n Shoe]

I repeet:This is a Print.Thank you Debbie,Old Lady N Shoe

[Debbie]

Hey Ladies...I am glad you didn't think it was too much. There is an extremely long version that I will look for it and post in this thread.

You all take care.

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

[Debbie]

PHOENIX PSYCHOTHERAPY SYSTEMS
PRESENT
I AM YOUR DISEASE
(A letter from the Devil within)
By: The Anonymous Addict

Well, hello there! I cannot believe I have really been talked into doing this; telling you about myself (which obviously you clients either don’t know, or won’t accept). I am going to let you know how I operate; what my strategies are, how I win (and I love to win)! My initial reaction was—Why should I disclose them? After thinking it over, it came to me that as usual, many people will read this and not consider this information anyway, so what have I got to lose? I mean what the hell, why shouldn’t I divulge this stuff—who’s really gonna pay attention? After all this information has been available for many years and only a few gave a damn about it. Hell many people, even after reading this will still foolishly continue to take me on “their” way (how this makes me chuckle). A.A./N.A/G.A. people try to tell them things; they won’t accept it. Professional counselors tell them these things; they won’t accept it, but OK . . .you want to hear the truth directly from the horse’s mouth? Read on…They teach you I am a disease; (I snicker because many people won’t even accept that!) People fail to strongly impress upon you what kind of disease you are up against. Words like progressive, and insidious have little impact on you so let me tell you what I’m all about. I AM YOUR DEADLIEST ENEMY! I make AIDS look minuscule compared with the devastation I have caused and intend to continue to impact on humanity. I conduct my business of mutilation and destruction in a very business-like, highly productive, orderly manner that results in me being extremely successful! I have an insatiable desire to torture, maim and destroy. I am totally vicious! I am brutal! I have perfected my skills of deception to an art form! Early on, in the beginning of my attack on you, I can make myself almost invisible. I take you down ever so slowly and skillfully at first because I sure as hell don’t want you to become aware of me. That might frighten you away. I am the Master of Manipulation! As my progression becomes more visible, I most emphatically am not going to let your frustration and anger be directed at me. No, no, no! I tell you it’s the job, it’s your spouse, it’s the kids. God forbid you should ever wise-up that it’s ME. So I have you lash out at the only people who really care about you. How I revel as I see you thrashing about throwing powder-puff punches at the world. I continually whisper outright lies in your ear and incredibly, you buy right into them. Remember when I told you “THIS TIME IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT!” or “SURE YOU WENT OVERBOARD IN THE PAST, BUT THAT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN!” and my all-time classic-“YOU CAN DO IT YOUR WAY YOU DON’T NEED ANY HELP!” Each time I lie to you and you listen to me, I betray you Look at your track record-SUCKER! My paramount reason for being on this earth is to make certain you never achieve your full potential or enjoy the things that you deserve. I see you start project after project, but I keep you from completing them so you rarely ever enjoy a feeling of accomplishment. I keep you chasing two rabbits at the same time and grin as I watch your dreams of tomorrow become unfulfilled promises of yesterday. With the young—I damage your potential, destroy your initiative. What pleasure I get from stunting your emotional growth, and converting you into a “never-wuz.” With older people I remove the enjoyment of your autumn years and make you into a “has-been.” I adore screwing up parents. Instead of you moving forward with your lives, I suck you dry with worry and concern about the fate of your kids. In the face of all logic, reasoning, and just plain common sense, Mr./Mrs. compulsivity you keep listening to me and your reward for foolishly doing this is that I BETRAY YOU AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN! Beginning to get the picture, pal? I’m not exactly what you would call Mr. Nice Guy! I am a high-tech conversationalist! I just love to convert beautiful, sensitive, caring, productive people into self-centered, omnipotent blood sucking leeches who day-by-day drain their loved ones emotionally, physically and financially. I give you selective hearing; so you hear only what I want you to hear! I give you tunnel vision; so you see what I want you to see! I roundly applaud myself as you begin to stumble through life as £ prevent you from hearing and growing. How you delight me as you continually permit me to twist your thinking! By the way, pal-o-mine, I not only get a big boot out of messing you up, I am without peer when it comes to wrecking everyone who cares about you and whom you care about. I convince you, of course, that you are only hurting yourself, no one else! As things begin getting a little tackier (that’s called PROGRESSION) and unbelievably you still listen to me, I advance more rapidly within you. I cheer you on as you make emotional yo-yos out of those who still stand at your side. Of course you mean all- those—wonderful promises you make to them like—“NO MORE, NEVER AGAIN” ETC. I make damn sure you never carry them out by enticing you to have just one card game, drink, one joint, one line, or just make one little old bet. You better believe I don’t want you wising up to the fact that I am breaking the spirit of the other people in your life; that I am causing them TEN TIMES the amount of pain and sorrow; that I’m dishing out to you. Under my influence—I, grin when you say things you would not have said, I smile softly as you begin not doing things you should. I chuckle as I witness you doing things you never would have done, and I let out a real belly-laugh as you begin doing unthinkable things that inflict horrible pain on those you love which now cause you even higher levels of guilt, remorse, and shame. I become ecstatic every time I witness those tears running down the faces of defenseless individuals and children who you are threatening and terrorizing (your very own spouse and kids)! I must admit I am thrilled to my toes as I rip the very life out of the people around you. Get a load of this—the target that gives me the greatest satisfaction in destroying are YOUR KIDS! I am delighted by every opportunity to keep getting them so upset and off balance by what is going on that they do not stand a chance of growing up without being severely scarred. Look at the millions yes millions of untreated ACOA’s, ACOG’s, I’ve got romping around this country all screwed up! How I chuckle when you say, “YOU’LL DIE” IF YOU DRINK, BET, OR USE AGAIN! First of all you know damn well you don’t really believe that, (just look at your past track record). I do not kill people; well, sometimes I do, but when that happens it really ticks me off; obviously I socked it to that person too hard. Hell, when they die, the games are over and I’ve got to find a new SUCKER to take their place. Hey baby, I’d rather keep playing with them; destroy them a little at a time. No, I do my damnedest not to kill you since I want you to live—miserable, wretchedly, horribly! One way I get my jollies is from being the world’s greatest collector. Didn’t know that, did you pal? Got a warehouse the size of Africa! I happily take things away from you that right-fully belong to you. These are things that you have worked hard for, earned, and deserve. I laugh all the time, I rob you of them and store them so I can enjoy my thievery when things get a little dull. See there’s John’s RESPECT over there and Mary’s MORALITY. That’s what’s left of Frank’s HONOR, look at this, what a blast I had ripping away Helen’s INTEGRITY and did I ever have a-ball taking away young Bob’s DIRECTION, bet your backside I was thrilled when I got my hands on Ann’s ENTHUSIASM. How I savor fondling these trophies from my past and present robberies. Hey, get a load of all those jobs over there, how sweet it was grabbing them, and how about that pile of previously good marriages? Had a ball destroying them. Down there in that pit is where I keep active people’s SELF -ESTEEM. There’s Don’s FREEDOM (laughed like hell when they put him in the slammer). This pile of rubble makes me just shiver with ecstasy, don’t you recognize it? It used to be people’s CREDIBILITY. And here sweetheart, is my most prized stolen possession. Yep, that big steel cage is full of thousands of broken people, what a fantastic sight! All of them stumbling around. Know what I stole from them? THEMSELVES certainly one of my award winning-traits is to steal away YOU!

(continued)

[Debbie]

I have absolutely perfected my techniques for causing the process of self-abandonment. What I excel most at is taking you away from YOU! I’m also the unequaled master at converting things; early on I convert you into a procrastinator thus letting you build up unnecessary tension and stress. I adore converting warm, caring people into self-centered, omnipotent jackasses, and bright, intelligent people Into bumbling, fourteen carat idiots. I am the absolute Champion of Deception! I get one hell of a bang doing my Mohammed Ali “ROPA-DOPA” routine on you. I make believe you’ve got me whipped (that SUCKER is called complacency) and when you let your guard down (start missing meetings) I beat the hell out of you again! How I applaud you and cheer you on each time you get into the fight ring with me again—Hurry, you fool! Love it when you keep coming at me with your right fist cocked; your big punch that you’re going to flatten me with. What a laugh! Of course I make sure you don’t get wise to the fact that I’m cutting your face to ribbons with my jabs. I let you ignore the blood running down your face from the cuts I’ve inflicted over your eyes that blind you even further. I go from grinning, to smirking, to belly-laughing as you stumble around throwing powder-puff punches that achieve nothing except to further tire, frustrate and anger you. Eventually I get quite bored by it all and deck you, and you, you fool, expect me to go to a neutral corner. Hey stupid, I know no honor; I abide by no rules; I am the dirtiest of the street fighters and I thoroughly, totally, fully enjoy your suffering. How I relish the sight of you, a person of honor, struggling to get to your feet. I stand right next to you and as you get to your knees, I kick you right in the head before you can get to your feet again; (Maybe now you’ll under-stand why relapses are so devastating...) I am extremely proficient at map-making! Didn’t know that either did you Cupcake! I gleefully talk you into using and following MY map! Oh, to entice you I write on it destinations such as High; partying, excitement, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. In truth they all led but to one place: HELL. You can be damned sure, SUCKER, I will do everything possible to camouflage that from you until you have journeyed quite a long and destructive distance with me. How I thrill when I witness clinicians providing their clients with “Tools” to overcome me, and then you meet up with me on the front lines threatening me with your garden trowel. Hey hero, don’t you see I have a tank and twenty crack ground troops? I will annihilate you, you poor simpleton! This is a war, not a garden-party you are involved in and, some-thing else you apparently don’t realize—I do not engage in this war alone! Only a fool would do that (like you do, dummy). I, the Super Strategist, enlist the aid of my allies. The Dealers, Casinos, Business Deals, Horses?. . .my hired hit men! Your so-called “friends” are actually my “assassins”! Mess around with them and they will take you out of play, time, after time, after time! I convince you that your hoopla pals in the gin mills and OTB parlors are your true-blue buddies. I sure as hell make sure you don’t listen to the propaganda spoken by the people who care about you —perish the thought! I love to puff you up and feed into that big fat egotistical head of yours the lie that you are in control-and incredibly you fall for that outright malarkey, over, and over, and over again. Hey gigolo, hey pompous, the moment that you place one bet, SUCKER, one drink, SUCKER; one line, SUCKER; one joint, SUCKER, you are a walking time bomb and you’re gonna go boom! Heaven forbid you should ever look at your lousy track record, for if you ever did it would become exceedingly clear what a swollen headed, prominent, superb ignoramus I am making out of you! Dear me, that does sound a bit sarcastic now doesn’t it? Well, you can bet your tush I meant it to be!
Hey c’mon, I always give you what you ask me to—numb out your trouble! You don’t really expect me to tell you about the consequences do you? Hey brother, hey sister what do you expect of me? Surely not to tell you that with each relapse the price is gettin a hell of a lot steeper. That the IOU’s are piling up and that each time I numb out what is bothering you I also automatically numb out your access to your intelligence, your logic, your upbringing. When you are overcome with remorse, guilt, shame and anxiety, then you poor fool I tell you my favorite lie. The lie that I can fix all that stuff too, so you fall for it and drink or gamble some more and the whirlpool of your addiction now progresses ever faster and deeper. Beginning to get the picture honey-bunch? I’m not exactly Mister Nice Guy or Ms. Friendly! I’ll bet you didn’t realize that I sit in on every group therapy session, every one-to-one counseling session every AA/NA/GA or GAMANON meeting. How I love the “counselor-pleaser” type, the “clam-upper.” I could just kiss the “I don’t give a dammer,” and the “liar” sends chills up and down my spine as I’ll be able to grind their faces into the dirt in short order with very little effort needed on my part. FINAL TIDBITS: I convince you, you are only hurting your-self—and then relish every tortured moment that you dish out to those who love you. I whisper deliciously destructive lies into your ear in a most convincing manner. Lies like “they’ll never fire you,” and of course they as I go into ecstasy when I witness the shame for you and family. It gives me goose-bumps when I convince you you’ll never be arrested as your future grinds to a halt when you see the flashing lights of a cop’s car at your home, or the Feds at the front door! I howl with delight when your bookie or loan shark calls in his bets, and you don’t have a dime to your name! Just break an arm or slam that hand! Well, Sweetie Pies, I’ve told you some of my secrets; told you some of my strategies; shared some of my attack plans. Of course, I’m banking on many of you not listening to what I’ve told you, or thinking it was hogwash and dribble. I intend to capitalize on that and convert you into a SUCKER again—SUCKER! So long for now, you gorgeous active person you! Of course we shall meet again—and again! I’m looking forward to that! And for those of you in early recovery Adieu—certainly not so long, you’re doing real good kids!

[Debbie]

I am bumping this also

[2stop]

Wow.........That was SO powerful and so TRUE!! Thank you for posting this...I really needed this TODAY. "IT" was talking to me today and this reminds me how full of sh** the drugs are and they can't even compare to what RECOVERY has promised me and my precious family. In tears and a little shaken I am so grateful to have read this today.

Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie

[Debbie]

{{{{{{Tammie}}}}}}

I hope you are feeling better today. I was reading your thread in WIR and saw you were feeling a bit scared.

Take care of yourself, you are worth it!!

Many hugs,
Debbie

[2stop]

~Debbie~ I am so truly grateful you posted this. I often think of this post now as I go about my day and the drugs start talking to me..I tell the disease to just go on cause this girl ain't gonna buy it anymore. Just wanted to thank you again, I hope others can read this and find the strength I have found from reading it. God brought me to this site, and posts like this and I am so grateful I can't hardly stand it!! I am able to get really excited about my recovery now..and boy did I think for so long that would never happen! Hope you are doing well today.

[claudia5]

i appreciate you posting this too! wow! that was just incredible!

[Debbie]

Tammie and Claudia

I am so glad that you enjoy the postings on the forum. I thought this was so powerful that I made it a "power post" (and the fact that my hubby actually read it and thought enough to share it with me) and of course my all time favorite is "The Awakening". I actually received an email from the author of the awakening and she was very nice. She has her own site with a number of her writings if you ever get chance, search her name and check it out

Take care.

Many hugs,
Debbie

[CABDanvers]

Hi, im new to this board but been searching around, its very nice here.

I am an employee of CAB Health and Recovery Services in Danvers MA.

I found this poem after a group, which is similar to the above. Reading this poem makes me think, and think hard, cuz i am battling with an addiction myself.....



I Am Your Disease

You know who I am, You called me your friend
Wishes of misery and heartache I send
I want only to see that your brought to your knees
I'm the devil inside you; I am your disease

I'll invade all your thoughts, I'll take hostage of your soul
I'll become your new master, I'm in total control
I'll maim your emotions, I'll run the whole game
Till your enitre existence is crippled with shame
When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise
Quite often I'll take you, by total surprise
But take you I will, and just as you feared
I'll want only to hurt you, with no mercy spared
If you have your own family, I'll see it destroyed
I'll steal every pleasure in live you've enjoyed
I'll not only hurt you, I'll kill if I please
Im your worst living nightmare; I am your disease

I bring self destruction, but still you can't tell
I'll sweep your through heaven, then drop you in hell
I'll chase you forever, wherever you go
And then when I catch you, you wont even know
I'll sometimes lay silent, just waiting to strike
What's yours becomes mine, because I take what I like
I'll take allyou won and I won't care who sees
I'm your constant companion; I am your disease

If you have any honor, I'll strip it away
You'll lose all your hope and forget how to pray
I'll leave you in darkness, while blindly you stare
I'll reduce you to nothing, and won't even care

So don't take for granted my powers sublime
I'll bend and I'll break you time after time
I'll crumble your world with the greatest of ease
I'm that madman inside you; I am your disease

But today i'm real angry. You want to know why?
I let this whole room of addicts slip by
How did I lose you? Where did we go wrong?
One minute I had you, the next you were gone
You just can't dismiss all the good times we shared
When you were alone wasn't it I who appeared?
When you sold those possession you knew you would need
Wasn't I the first one who stepped in and agreed?
Now look at you bastards, you're all thinking clear
You escaped with your lives when you found your way here
Only fools think they're winners when admitting defeat
It's what you must say when claiming that seat
So go ahead and surrender, if that's what you choose
But I'm not giving up, because I can't stand to loose
So stand in your circles and pray hand in hand
For God to come save you leaving me to be damned
Well be damned higher powers however unique
Be damned all your sayings, be damned your cliches
Be damned every addict who back to me strays
For I know it will happen, I've seen it before
Those who love misery will crawl back for more
So take comfort in knowing I'm waiting right here
But this time around you just better beware
You think that you're stronger or smarter this time
There isn't a mountain or hill you can't climb
Well if that's what your thinking, you ain't learned a thing
I'll still knock you silly if you step back into my ring
But you say you've surrendered, so what can I do?
It's sad in a way. I had big plans for you
Creating your nightmare for me was a dream
I'm sure gonna miss you, we made quite a team
So please don't forget me, I won't forget you
I'll stand by your side watching all that you do
I'll always be faithful so call if you please
I wont let you forget me, because I AM your DISEASE.


Written by "david" in 1998.

[Kit]

Welcome Cabby!!!! Thanks for the post. Debbie, thanks to you as well. I haven't checked in for awhile, but I'm still fighting that disease - 78 days.
Love, Kit

[XDressBoyLover]

Hi I liked that and my mom is doing crack she has been for four years now, i think i will show that to her. I want her to get better, we have all done everything we can its in her time now!

[toforever]

Cool, I like it!!! exposing the Devil, I'll bet it gets him angry to see this and how accurate it really is. it was a bit chilling, may God please help us all? Cause this drug thing is just too powerful of a trial Lord, there are so many casualties and so much incidental damage. Let us weep over this because its reallity. I felt angry and was happy I felt such because today I said to God I wish I hated sin and evil more. Now i feel so sad cause its just not fair.

Why? its so sad. And I have hard time not looking back again at my trials as a blessing like I do considering all who are taken down. Innocent people, kids just trying to have fun, they don't realize. Its true its so sneaky no matter the drug. Its really not the drug alone at work.

It makes me sick to think abnout the way my drug use evolved in such a way that it did. It first starts with how you start, and it makes you believe its harmless. The drug is not evil its Satin himself at work. Its his weapon that I can't imagine even God isn't appalled by, who created all and leaves Satin to tempt us. Its just too wicked !!!

My drug started so nicely and was that way "nice" until it convinced me I could make it regular. Even then the full wrath didn't come, I could still function and get by. I didn't realize the rest it started to do. It made me look like Hell, Feel like Hell, Lose trust of everyone, become to embarassed to do things I did before, and it made me antisocial not caring about anything.

Then what's left? its your only friend, and nothing seems to matter so you just go in strong and hard. Then it all becomes a dream that inflicts so much damge even if you stop your life will take years to rebuild and never be the same. How many at this point will undertake the task to stop and recover a life that seems so dark and awful that there is nothing to really compell the change.

Many will wish to die here I think, but you are right it won't kill you here. If you step up and try to recover then I believe is when you will be a target of death, for it seems the evil one's pride won't stand for it. He would rather you dead then to recover if you muster enough strength and grace to find a reason to quit and face all you lost.

The blessed ones who wake up and realize their life is precious enough to fight for it have so much to overcome, its so sad, I can rember the feeling and its like there is a no light or joy there at all. The loneliness is so awful and nothing looks the same anymore. Nobody seems to care anymore, and nobody seems to want to help. Nobody looks the same either and your dignity is lost and you hide away like a bystander watching yourself and hate how pathetic you appear.

We should hate these drugs not for themselves but for how well they are used to destroy us. I am so pissed off. It takes advantage of the people in pain and the innocent, the young. Personally its ruined my body and i'm only 31, now I have to take other meds to be OK, jsut to not be in agony. So sick that stuff was it makes me sick thinking about it, thank goodness for that atleast.

I can't believe what I did to myself, i am so sorry. I'm sorry too for being a part of something so evil, thus supporting it. It makes me cringe. Its hard to even feel happy now about overcoming it. It really helped me change my life all together but how can I really be happy about such a thing for the way it came. I'm so sorry for all of you who are in that dark place. I love you and my heart goes out to you all. God please help us because its not fair who it attacks.

Bradley

[happydays]

Originally Posted by CABDanvers

Hi, im new to this board but been searching around, its very nice here.

I am an employee of CAB Health and Recovery Services in Danvers MA.

I found this poem after a group, which is similar to the above. Reading this poem makes me think, and think hard, cuz i am battling with an addiction myself.....



I Am Your Disease

You know who I am, You called me your friend
Wishes of misery and heartache I send
I want only to see that your brought to your knees
I'm the devil inside you; I am your disease

I'll invade all your thoughts, I'll take hostage of your soul
I'll become your new master, I'm in total control
I'll maim your emotions, I'll run the whole game
Till your enitre existence is crippled with shame
When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise
Quite often I'll take you, by total surprise
But take you I will, and just as you feared
I'll want only to hurt you, with no mercy spared
If you have your own family, I'll see it destroyed
I'll steal every pleasure in live you've enjoyed
I'll not only hurt you, I'll kill if I please
Im your worst living nightmare; I am your disease

I bring self destruction, but still you can't tell
I'll sweep your through heaven, then drop you in hell
I'll chase you forever, wherever you go
And then when I catch you, you wont even know
I'll sometimes lay silent, just waiting to strike
What's yours becomes mine, because I take what I like
I'll take allyou won and I won't care who sees
I'm your constant companion; I am your disease

If you have any honor, I'll strip it away
You'll lose all your hope and forget how to pray
I'll leave you in darkness, while blindly you stare
I'll reduce you to nothing, and won't even care

So don't take for granted my powers sublime
I'll bend and I'll break you time after time
I'll crumble your world with the greatest of ease
I'm that madman inside you; I am your disease

But today i'm real angry. You want to know why?
I let this whole room of addicts slip by
How did I lose you? Where did we go wrong?
One minute I had you, the next you were gone
You just can't dismiss all the good times we shared
When you were alone wasn't it I who appeared?
When you sold those possession you knew you would need
Wasn't I the first one who stepped in and agreed?
Now look at you bastards, you're all thinking clear
You escaped with your lives when you found your way here
Only fools think they're winners when admitting defeat
It's what you must say when claiming that seat
So go ahead and surrender, if that's what you choose
But I'm not giving up, because I can't stand to loose
So stand in your circles and pray hand in hand
For God to come save you leaving me to be damned
Well be damned higher powers however unique
Be damned all your sayings, be damned your cliches
Be damned every addict who back to me strays
For I know it will happen, I've seen it before
Those who love misery will crawl back for more
So take comfort in knowing I'm waiting right here
But this time around you just better beware
You think that you're stronger or smarter this time
There isn't a mountain or hill you can't climb
Well if that's what your thinking, you ain't learned a thing
I'll still knock you silly if you step back into my ring
But you say you've surrendered, so what can I do?
It's sad in a way. I had big plans for you
Creating your nightmare for me was a dream
I'm sure gonna miss you, we made quite a team
So please don't forget me, I won't forget you
I'll stand by your side watching all that you do
I'll always be faithful so call if you please
I wont let you forget me, because I AM your DISEASE.


Written by "david" in 1998.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have been looking for this poem for weeks now. I first heard it, in south boston, a few years ago when i guy narrated it from the podeium. I had gotten a copy, but i lost it. I have beend reading and looking at soooooooooooo many sites trying to find this poem, so thank you again, much appreciated. This is an amazing poem and it always stuck in my head. Bye for now, carla m, simply sober, dorchester

[happydays]

thank you soooooooooo much

[Hope]

I am so glad that this thread got bumped back up. I am glad that I saw it. It is really good to expose the devil for what it really is. Good posts!

[sissie]

Hello, I have played in the devil's play ground for 33 years!!!! And he misses me so much that he bugs me every living day. This poem freaked me out cause that is so real to me. I have not been out in the world now for 44 days because i am that scard!!!Today I will be going to work for the first in 44 days. My, I am soooooooo scard. I needed to read this for strenght. Just a reminder of how sick I really am. And how the devil works is so real. Thank GOD has been here for me and without him how lost I would be not. Thank you for this peom. It was a big help.

[DJMH]

I am printing the first post on this thread and taking it to my AA meeting tonight. That might have just got me thru this terrible day. Hugs all around!