Mother

[utopia]

hey, does anyone relate to this? cheers


Mother, how I cry for you

You were unknown to me, but always a source of comfort and shelter
Your emotional bankruptcy angered my adolescent immaturity.
I tried to be your sister, but you will always be the template and I your baby.
I came from your flesh and you gave me life.
I try to comfort you in return but my words can barely begin to filter through the ages of false truths that were your world and foundation.
You lost all you believed.
With every loss of innocence and every violation of your body, mind and soul, you watched bound and gagged whilst your own blood wished for the grave.
Your children, your life, your reason for existence, to serve, to please, to help us survive, even if it meant your death. That was your world, hapless victim of circumstances.
Are you happy these days or do the all-dimensional scars still ache?

I grew to pity you,
I grew to cry and wish you were happier,
I grew to put myself aside so that my mother could smile,
you became a fixation,
you became the light,
you became my hero,
my inspiration,
my salvation,
you became a saint,
so perfect in your struggles,
you had to stick to what I thought you were.

Was it me or you prolonging the post-traumatic misery? We always blamed him, your ex-husband, my biological father. Yet we took the torch of hate from him and let it burn in the lounge room where so many tears were shed.

Tis hard to say it’s your problem when you’ve done so much for me.
Who is your friend, your companion?
I feel compelled to grieve for all of your pain.
All those years, your tears ignored.
All those years, bruises and sore hearts that no one knew or cared for, except sister and I as we huddled in cold corners.
Yes I thought I’d seen it all, how well you hid your suffering!
The icy ocean wave that hit when you revealed the horrors.
All the burdens you selflessly carried.
My god!
You’re just like me

Now I see your humanity.
I see you readying yourself for happiness.
I see you realising you have your own life
I see you ponder that you didn’t exist merely to create me.
I see you changing your hair and home.
I see you smiling.
I see you starting to live life.

I see you’ve let go.

So now I can too.