Coming to Pass...and Another 4th Step.

[LnFRWngHrs_30]

Life goes on whether we decide to or not...it is to our benefit to go on with life for if we decide not to go on with life as it flows we miss out on something that is a true gift where freedom can be found in areas of our lives that maybe we never knew we could find freedom before.

I journey into the realm of another 4th step...uncovering that which needs to be uncovered under the guidance of my Higher Power as well as the loving spirit of my Sponsor. It was a relief to find so many things that I have taken care of and have come to pass in such a way that I have been granted the freedom promised. The inventory...yes there are many things on this 4th step that I do not want to reveal for they are skeletons in my closet that have rattled since my path on recovery.

No matter what I remember that I am human as I journey on this 4th step, writing, feeling, and praying every letter I write and word that I go. Back tracking a bit when names or issues come up that have to be addressed. This 4th step has allowed me to feel the humaness that I have become aware of and is re-enforcing the fact that I am human, make mistakes.

Today I have learned the greatest resentment is against myself. I will have to forgive myself when the 8th and 9th step come around again for the 3rd time. Maybe it was not GOD that I had a resentment on after all after the conclusion of my last 5th step...maybe it was myself and the reflection I projected upon the GOD that I felt abonandon me...when in fact I abandon myself. It is a proplexing notion...but one that is as real to me today as the fact I wear socks with my shoes.

Higher Power Grant me the courage to walk forward on this third 4th step. Grant me the strength to face myself one again and hit that turning point I have done twice before. Was it only the reflection of myself that I projected upon you the one they call GOD that made me hate you so...and in fact I was hating myself?

I walk forward...and grateful to see that the wreckage of the past has lessoned so much that it has come down to me realizing I am only human and projection can occur upon that which can not be seen.

Walk me through this Great Spirit...and actually make peace with this Christian God whom I never thought that before I was projecting my hate upon...when in fact I was only hating myself.

I am grateful for this insight...