What my Bottom felt like, and the Miracle that came with it...

[LnFRWngHrs_30]

The darkness felt thick, overwhelming and the air had a sour smell tinged with the dancing aroma of stale alcohol mixed with cigarette and marijuana smoke. There was no more to be had, and that which was once left of what was--had gone. No money to run for more, no strength to find if there was any left to be found--only the aromas and the echos of the highs they had promised, gave, and left as swiftly as the had been bought--gone.
My mind raced---there had to be more....turning on a single light there was still several half full beers. These had cigarette butts put out in them, but it was something. In desparation I reached out to what was left--the half full beers with cigarette butts inside. Carefully I drained the beer into a glass so not to accidently drink the cigarette butts. I did not know or care how long that they had sat there--I drank down the beer to fight off the pain of hangover off. I turned off the light. Once again the darkness overtook my body, as it began to ache and shake as only a body can do when it starts to go through the D.T.'s. And I was alone--for the first time in several months and the race of thoughts went through my head felt muffled, slurred, and unclear--they just went through, and I could not do it anymore.
What was this ending, what was this that drove me to a moment of clarity especially in the state of body I was in. Through the darkness came a light of awareness and emotional movement from within that drove me to the phone to call my best friend. I had no idea of the time--I heared her voice, and it was over, my fight was over; "I told your Mom you would be coming out of it soon...". I sat there on my bed shaking uncontrollably, crying, I began to experience the miracle--it was the surge of pain called self awareness that made it begin. I was in pain, I was suffering, the turning point had come, and there was no turning back, and I never looked back except now to reflect and see where I was and where I am today.

How my bottom felt, and the miracle that came with it.

[keithcancook]

I am so glad that you found the inner courage to change. You are in the right place to find some help. All of the combined strength in here will be a priceless asset to you on your new road to sanity and health. We are all with you!