The way I realized my addiction and ways I have tried to recover (poems)

[BlindedWitch]

The Broken Mask

A painful life
Always hidden with pain
Never shown to anyone

My mask is put on in the morning
Taken off at night

The mask hides all my pain
Never once did it crack
My burdens are heavy
Never once have I dropped them

They have become too heavy to bear
My back breaks
I fall to the floor
No one notices me

Thoughts, thoughts silently slipping into my head
Evil thoughts
Thoughts of killing myself
To lift the burdens off my broken back

No one sees the signs

I slowly start to slice my wrist
Bleeding ever so much
I didn't cut deep enough
Though there's a puddle of my blood on the floor
I stop cutting my wrist

Realized what I have done
My wound becomes a scar
A memory of my burdened past

People see my scar
Ask me if I am okay
Told them they could have stopped me
If only they had read the signs

Tears stream down my face
The mask has finally been broken.

Graveyard of My Pains

Sitting in the dark all alone
Questioning rather to die or suffer
Rocking back and forth
Crying my heart out like a child

My wrists are so vulnerable
So easy to cut wide open
I wander if to do so or not
But taking that chance and not at all

I throw the blade from my hand
Throwing it at the wall
The blade finally stops at the threshold
Stopping it for once and for all

I stand up and walk towards it
Pick up the knife and run
I run to the back yard and bury it
Bury it forever more

In a graveyard of my pains.

Stay

Life is a mystery
A mystery well known
Death on the other hand
Is no mystery at all.

We claim we know it all
How to create human robots
And cloning human beings
But do we truely know our own fatal deaths?

No one knows how they will die
Except for those who place it upon their hands
To take a few extra pills
Or cut our vulnerable wristsso bleed to our own fatal deaths.

Why do we choose to kille ourselves?
What purpose does it hold?
Not only have I come across it
But many others as well.

We choose to take our lives
So we can lift our burden off of everyone else,
To end our pain, our suffering,
To quit something we never wanted to start.

People harass us
Telling us we're stupid for wanting to die
To them the just do not understand
Their lives are just so full of glee.

I am tired of all their crap
I gave my life up to the world
If they wish for me to die
Their wish is now fulfilled.

No matter what I have been through
I am ready to say
I am not ready for death
I am ready to stay.

I hope you like them and possibly find them useful and hopeful to your own needs. I love you all