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05-15-2007, 07:58 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| believer |  Liberation
There is no scum in the world.We are all product of judgment. Definition is a theoretical answer to fear of misunderstanding. We are not exact. Love is a word, but it’s the feeling with imperfection that makes it what it is….crazy. And what is that, but truth. Aren’t we all in a spiral of lies, provoked by laws defined at birth on your destiny. I judge no longer, I live no longer as a definable thing. Maybe God can’t accept me but I still do accept Him. Repression is obsession.What is exploitation but the lie that you are powerful. The truth is we are small when we’re evil and big when we’re real.Tell me, do you know me? No, you know me when I’m good, you know me when I’m bad, but do you know me when I’m in the middle? I don’t either. We are brought up with reasons not to let go. It’s not an excuse, it’s a purpose for some to put restrictions on others that live by truth. For in society nothing hidden can be bad, but once out, it is outlawed. Everybody’s running from fear, how many live with no judgement? I have learned it. Not today but a month ago. Somebody who sleeps with ten a time, somebody who drinks ten a time, somebody who shoots in ten a time, somebody who is ten people at a time but never him, they are all the flesh in destruction but lonely in emotions.I hold no judgement anymore. The real scum is the one who leaves no freedom.The real scum is lie, hypocrisy and misused power. Tough I have never done it, every night I dream I sit on a house full of people doing destructive things.In that dream in an old house, some do drugs, others drink,others lay down. Somehow I am drawn to it. There is a complementation in it. Why? I am searching, digging, I will know soon why I have two sides…so opposite. The mind might be strange but there is a reason,that reason is the true connection with Him. There’s no justification in sin unless it is a reflex of who we are in that moment. I made a mistake for a reason, I am not that mistake but I am the man with a mistake in that moment. Something in the universe conveyed me to do so I want to talk to people my age but I try and I haven’t found somebody troubled enough but wise, high on life, but not on substances. Do you know what it is to know you were searching for you in others and you were right there…. They told me love Jesus. I couldn’t until I found him. I was seventeen and I prayed that I loved God. I couldn’t.What are words if there are no tears on them. The day I found him was when I saw he is a man. He is me but he is perfect,he is you but he is perfect.Buda, Mohamed they all represent something equal….What is used in their name is repression. 2000 years after would he deny you a condom, let die in favor of your promiscuity…. They give you guilt to carry. Why should I have guilt, when guilt is exactly not learning. Guilt is not moving on. Guilt is not being able to say I made a mistake but I know better. Did I hurt you? I am sorry but what is sory really meaning unless it changes me forever… So sobriety is not a day or days, it is a state of freedom, a place where you have understood you are not defined by words from outside. All I am is inside of me, the energy, the absorbtion of feelings, what I see of you isn’t really real but for me. I have a perception of my own. My own self love is knowing that, I can’t be you. I am not a pattern. I am a bunch of people that are imaginary and they convey into a future figure. No dramatic representation is stable. No mathematical man is anything without a soul, the numbers need a color and the paper needs passion. For me sobriety is no longer just not abusing me, it is a different way of seing the world. Yes positive, but also knowing what is a spirit… Raised in church but a different type of faith. I celebrate it in my own way. I look at God I talk to him,need no translation, and why should I confess to a priest. He has seen everything I have done, from the smallest sin to the worst.No guilt, today I learn how to deal with guilt. If I learn from a mistake the mistake becomes a quality……. “So dad, do you consider musicians marginals, drug addicts scum, crazy in a nut house: crazy. I consider them blessed to see hurt, to know people don’t love you for what you are but for what you can do for them. Don’t expect me to change me. Don’t bull* me with I can’t change the world. I can be an outsider but I am forever free….I refuse to be a puppet and perfect….I don’t need to go to a funeral and cry then…it’s during life I needed you. I needed you to say you love me anyway, because I still do love you, but I can’t trust you. when emotions call I wont call you. And I’ve lived afraid I would become you when I grew up.Well I am 22 and look I am crazy, nonfunctional, accepting of difference and yes I am not like you…I am screwed up but it’s a good thing. I have the courage of telling you you should have the courage to decide your life.I am saved of shame and others. Why should I do it from 9 to 5 with no love?Why shall I do a job I don’t love. Listen, this is my life and I aint havin it. My vision is different, my eyes are different. And shall I be ashamed, no. I am proud. I’ve realized how it’s good not to fall in categories. Those who love me love me for my uniqueness. And I thought all my life I was weak. No, there is a reason why you’re here still not to hurt your image and I am here still because I am not independent. You are more dependent than me. I depend on money, but you depend on character………” And so I am learning so fast and so much. I don’t know why but putting back judgment, and giving myself freedom I’ve realized I no longer am just pure or just sinful. I am Adam in the beginning but I am also the choice of eating the wrong fruit. And if I take it, I can put it back. I never though at the time when I should be completely unaware of me I am knowing that the one I become is completely unknown to me. From being an image I want to be a reflexion, a true reflexion of my soul. So take me for what I am. This is my paradigm. Ma liberation, a minha libertação……….And starting from scratch is not doing over….It is the other level of a spirit that understands somewhere inside my body there is something that commands a life.A form of energy with a purpose…..I am only begging to get it now. wow.... Liberation
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-15-2007, 01:01 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| believer |
wrote that after watching this movie angels in america... i can't believe how i have changed since i came here to SR. Hearing different stories everyday has opened up my mind and it has changed the way i relate to people in real life. I've always been very opened but more than ever i have learned to listen with no judgment here...I put that in practice out there. That's the purpose of sharing i guess.And today i added such an important peace to the puzzle. Guilt is gone....
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-15-2007, 04:10 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| believer |  Still got it going on....love life
i am using this thread to share. hope you guys don't mind.... Today i took my music books out. I can't believe i stopped going to music class. That's how low i got....In my first years i never, ever skipped a class until a month ago...I'm back on the piano bench...Music was always my life... I had thought i could survive without it. I know it sounds strange. But i can't. I've realized what ray charles wife told him to stop drugs, is also true in a way for me, the difference is the addiction. She said: " you love drugs more than your kids and me but there's something you love more than them drugs, your music" For everybody with a passion for a job i wanna shout: I'm so happy...that i still got my voice and that i can still sing after all these months of destruction... After all i put two pieces together today and by myself...so nice
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-15-2007, 04:36 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas
Posts: 14,655
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nice, karim, nice !  D
__________________ May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. |
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05-16-2007, 03:21 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| believer | Epiphany
Today i am thinking how my fears are fading fast. I have been realizing as i grow into a man i no longer have to be an image. I have always wanted to shed some feelings out.I have no longer the acceptance thing going on. I am realizing how i should be treated no matter who i am. The most interesting thing is learning i have been sleeping for many years. I have lost so many causes and i am now learning that the causes i believed in have changed dramatically. Today i am 22 and as i am waking up from the dark, other things are surfacing.The acceptance thing is completely amazing. I mean i know now people that can't accept you can't accept themselves either and by so they are stuck to a perfect vision. Learning the balance between imperfections and self love is changing my view of others and me. The silence is the biggest change. The silence allowed me to hear myself for the first time. And realize that i am multi factorial. I am making projects and imagining how things will be soon if i trail this road.What a wonderful time for me..... The discovery of a changed personality is probably the biggest thing. There are still pieces of me, but the best is that a new start showed me a new man.Last time i checked who i was i was probably 15.And i changed the course of my life then also by an epiphany.One day i was in my bedroom and i had this completely clear idea of what i should do for the rest of my life. And believe it or not, although it's scary, not knowing exactly who I am now is good. I have kept my good values. Now it is time to live. People usually say you can be all you want to be. I used to think how.....It's not an outside thing. Because there's a chance the outside variables will make it harder.It's an inside awakening of an individual power. On my head everything is changing. Epiphany is the word. sorry for using this thread to share....but there are words the tung can't contain....
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-16-2007, 03:36 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| believer |
as i sat here on my part of the world i think of this.....
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-17-2007, 02:55 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| believer | God can dream a bigger dream for you
thanks i have been using this thread because i really have been having a great need to share. i am sorry.... although i have been relapsing through the week, my addiction is not a conventional one, i have been having great changes in me.And that's the proof that SR has changed my way of view.I do not consider myself weak for having a hard time, i am trying and that has to have some kind of value. And as for anything that you try hard enough one day you'll get it. The first time i dropped from college i started sending demos to people.And all that time i used to say this prayer over and over through out the day, I said: Lord please put that demo into the hands of someone powerful please.....I remember, when I, a boy from Europe decided it was possible to reach a big manager in America... Everybody said :you're crazy.One day i said to my house keeper: If somebody calls and speaks english please answer i'll call back....She answered: why would anybody speaking english call you?bahh... It hurt but my belief was bigger. One day the phone rings, and somehow i new it was for me, i ran to the phone, on the other side was an American. The biggest entertainment lawyer in Florida was on the phone....God works in mysterious ways...And somehow exactly what i had prayed for on my knees, so many times came true.God can dream bigger things for you. I had a hard time after that. Everything went perfect, until the last part of the project and it did not come true.But till today i wouldn't have it any other way.I got my foot in the door. And when God closes a door he opens a window, and after that window there is a big, freakin' door. Since little i always wanted to do something special for me. some people can live a way, i can't live without passion, without drive, without feeding the hunger for the dream to be always alive. And i am thankful, i had to leave the pride behind. Dad said, singers are the scum, your mom should put you out of the house. That day i decided i was going back to studying...I am there for two years now, i have a really hard time. Music and artists aren't respected in my country...People don't get that it's a job, entertainment is a part of everybody's life and some people just have a need of expression.Maths is not my calling and when it's not a calling it is very hard to do it. I don't have the ultimate love, but i have learned to love it, didn't know that was possible....And it gave me a broader vision. Life aint really a steady line, it is a circle full of wisdom and pain, but it's only the way you deal with it that makes the circle be a sphere or just a circle... I finish my posts on this thread remembering what i have learned since i started it. No judgment, no guilt, can't change the past, can rock the future and yes dreams do come true... My hunger is back. My love is back. I am back!
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-17-2007, 04:58 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| tangled up in blue  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: IN
Posts: 388
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Karim, Thank you so much for these posts. They really helped me. I'm like you in that music is so important to me and through alcoholism, I gave it up. I used to take piano lessons, but I slowly stopped going to them which is so unlike me. I don't even know how to explain it but music is the most important thing in the world to me, aside from my family and G-d. It has this affect on me...without it, I don't know what I would do.
__________________ "I don't ever wanna drink again/I just need a friend." ~ Amy Winehouse, "Rehab" |
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05-17-2007, 05:29 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas
Posts: 14,655
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Thank You Karim. You have faith, you have courage and you have persistence, so I believe you will make it...in all respects D
__________________ May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. |
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05-17-2007, 05:57 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| believer |
from point A
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-17-2007, 06:09 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| believer |
to point B
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-22-2007, 04:47 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| believer | I have one chance.Liberation of the warrior....
Ok so i have to save the ship. I have a month before exams. I have one chance to clean my life up for good. I have one chance to not be expelled from the best college in the country. And i have one chance to not have my dad kick me out as he wishes and keep saying i am a mistake.I have one chance to free my mom from begging for gas and money. I have one chance to fight for my career after graduating, i have one last chance before i am completely and utterly through.I have one chance to make it to LA in a year.I can't keep failing, i need to survive this, i need to win this one, i have to be free forever, i will never again use, i will never again feel the tiredness, the hopeless feelings. I have this chance. I am getting older. I am 22, have ruined what could've been a beautiful past. It is ok, as long as i stop. I can use it the best way I know, but i just need to stop forever.No relapses in ten years, no quitting in two days.It's my chance, my Lord. I am fully committed this time.That's the only thing i need to do to save myself. I know i will never give up but my mind and body one day will be damaged forever.I will do what i have to do, including not losing the focus on me and on my point B. I have not come to this world to be just this, there is somebody inside me that is struggling to get out and win over everything that is destructive. Am i proud of the situation? No, but there's nothing i can do, but fight, like a warrior.
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-23-2007, 03:57 AM
| #16 (permalink) |
| believer |
In two years
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-23-2007, 03:58 AM
| #17 (permalink) |
| believer |
arriving...
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. |
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05-25-2007, 01:33 AM
| #19 (permalink) |
| believer |
Liberation: hard work is only the enough sweat necessary to fill a glass of water given to you in time of thirst....
__________________ the biggest power a being is given is the now. in the now there is will, choice and therefore a power with no boundaries; for what is born from pure love has no seasons, only continuity, then growth. your spirit will tell you the truth. there's a silence within the silence. Last edited by Alive; 05-25-2007 at 01:49 AM. Reason: Liberation purposes only |
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