Customer Service

[Wolfchild]

Customer Service: Can you install Love?

Customer: I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready to install now. What do I do first?

Service: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

Service: What programs are running?

Customer: Let me see? I have Pasthurt.exe, Lowesteem.exe, Grudge.exe and Resentment.com running right now.

Service: No problem. Love will automatically erase Pasthurt.exe from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually overwrite Lowesteem.exe whit a module of its own, called Highesteem.exe. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge.exe and Resentment.com. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Service: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke Forgiveness.exe. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge.exe and Resentment.com have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I’m done. Love has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

Service: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your Heart. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

Service: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops? I have an error message already. What should I do?

Service: What does the message say?

Customer: It says ?Error 412 ? Program not run on internal components.?
What does that mean?

Service: Don’t worry, that’s a common problem. It means that the Love program is set up to run on external Hearts but has not yet been running on your Heart. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means that you have to love your own machine before it can love others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Service: Can you find the directory called ?Self-acceptance??

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Service: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Service: You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the ?Myheart? directory: Forgiveself.doc, Selfesteem.txt, Realizeworth.txt and Goodness.doc. The system will overwrite conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete ?Selfcriticize.exe? from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it! Wow! My Heart is filling up with really neat files. Smile.mpg is playing on my monitor right now, and it shows that Warmth.com, Peace.exe and Contentment.com are copying themselves all over my Heart!

Service: Then Love is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go?

Customer: Yes?

Service: Love is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you are meeting. They will in turn share it with other people, and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

Service: You’re very welcome.

[Wolfchild]

Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go
anywhere."
Help Line: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
Help Line: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a
needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle
pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
Help Line: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay
the vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me
that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that
comes with everything built in!"