here i am.. wide awake..

[esyla]

if it's not one thing, it's another.

first, the antidepressants caused horrific nightmares.

those come and go now, they're not as bad.

then there was insomnia. it went away due to being back on a normal schedule and my nighttime meds (a side effect is they make me extremely tired - not sleeping meds), and that was great.

i started to do weird stuff in this half asleep half awake state, which wasnt so great. it's pretty creepy, actually.

those nights i still cant sleep, i have xanax. i also have trazadone, but i have a rare weirdo side effect where i feel like i have a cold the next day. only me, lol. dr told me to stop taking it. however, tonight nothing'sworking. i've taken .5mg of xanax twice and i'm still wide awake and tense as anything. i know i had a rough day and that's probably why, plus i'm still on the computer instead of just laying down in bed watching tv or something.. i'm just so tense and anxious. this really sucks

today was my first day back at work in 3 weeks and i was up pretty late last night too, and this morning i was struggling to stay awake in a meeting. and i know it was obvious. so you'd think i'd be tired. instead im still sad, worked up, anxious, angry, and all kinds of other feelings about my day. i'mliterally being flooded with so many feelings at once, it's kind of crazy.

i dont feel too well either. suboxone gives me some bathroom troubles, so i took dulcolax.. the bottle said take 1-3 pills. i took 1 on thurs night, it didnt do anything. so last night i decided to take 2.. well today i thought i was dying it was so bad! and my tummy still hurts and is bubbly

man oh man, tomorrow's gonna be a rough one. i really wanted to cut back on caffiene, too. i really cut back over my time off and i dont want to go right back to where i was.

ahhhhhh!

[esyla]

again, again.

today i came home and took about a 3 hour nap. i couldnt stay energized today, even with my guarana (natural caffiene) supplement and a venti latte. i start out in the morning ok once i'm up and moving, but i lost steam throughout the day. so i came home and slept - unfortunately now here i am again, finally starting to feel a bit sleepy, not at the point where i think i'd fall asleep - and i have 5 hours until the alarm goes off. crappity crap.