That Inconvenient 'Second Wind' - The Origin of My Insomnia

[LaDita]

Sorry folks, this one is a mixed bag here...

It seems right as the perfect time to go to bed comes along (10pm-ish), I get my second wind. It's now three am and I'm still awake, feeling crappy and remorseful that I didn't seize the opportunity.
Something in my head always tells me I need to stay awake and finish some stuff first. But usually that 'important stuff' winds up being my petty compulsions; being on the computer looking up irrelevant stuff, or binge-eating. And sometimes that voice is telling me that I'm going to be missing out on something if I go to sleep, but it's false.

I have been trying to figure out where my insomnia came from. As a kid I used to stay up late for 'high' effect it gave. And then as a teenager, I used to stay up late so I could be prepared to do what I needed to when one of my parents came home drunk and I'd either have to leave, hide or fend off their attacks.
Now I think it's just a force of habit and I may be this way all my life. I've never held a consistent sleep routine longer than two weeks. And I know some people who are just 'nocturnal'. But for my needs, I think it's best that I start getting up early like a normal person.

The whole town is going to be snowed in tomorrow (I mean, today!) and so I don't feel too guilty about sleeping in, but I my goal is to not sleep past twelve am, and next I'll keep trying until I can get to not sleeping in past 9am.

[ExNavyInHouston]

Something in my head always tells me I need to stay awake and finish some stuff first. But usually that 'important stuff' winds up being my petty compulsions; being on the computer looking up irrelevant stuff, or binge-eating. And sometimes that voice is telling me that I'm going to be missing out on something if I go to sleep, but it's false.

That's exactly the programming in my head.

I was at the VA Hospital last week for my once (or twice) a year check up, and I asked the doctor for something to help me sleep. I told them just give me a weeks worth. I was thinking if I could just get a pattern jump-started I would be fine.

I'm not sure even what drug they are going to send me. I just told them to put the prescription in the mail so I wouldn't have to stand in the usual long lines.

I do have some tiny bit of comfort in knowing these bouts with insomnia tend to go away. But, for the last month or so I have been stuck in this pattern.

There are things I can do to help myself, like turn off the TV or radio at night and just lay there in the dark.

I have maxed out my level of Benadryl at about 100 mg (personal level), Unisom only makes me wake up hourly but there is some sleep.

I am going to add melatonin to my list.