Nightime Anxiety and Night Terrors

[jazpoppy]

Hi. I have issues with crying out in my sleep, punching and kicking (I have hit my bf a few times, and I punched my ex-hubby (when we were married) in the eye one night while I was asleep). I also have night terrors (bad dreams, nightmares) that I cannot control. I used to have a lot of lucid dreams where I could control the situations in my dreams and wake myself up if neccessary, but not anymore. I have horrible dreams about my childhood, my parents, my old jobs, old friends, new friends, new and old events, ghosts and monsters (just like a child's monster in the closet!) that scare the sh*t out of me! I wake up in a panic. My bf told me that I cry a lot in my sleep. I talk in my sleep as well. I don't sleep walk, but I have sat bolt-upright in bed and started talking and to my bf he thought I was awake but I was not. I am sometimes afraid to fall asleep. I have addiction issues, but I am working on them, and have a recovery going that is working for me. I still have to take some medication to sleep but it doesn't work so well anymore. I am afraid to ask for an increase because I don't want to become really dependant on it (I don't take it every night because I'm scared of dependancy) and have w/d if I am taken off of it. I also want to FIX this sleeping problem. I don't have insurance right now but as soon as I get insurance, I am going to get a sleep study. I find that I have allergies that block my nose up at night, and I can't breathe very well, so I snore sometimes, and I think that may have something to do with my problems. Plus I am a trauma survivor and I have battered women's syndrome (although I am with a WONDERFUL man who has NEVER and NEVER will abuse me), I was with my share of abusers in the past, thinking that's all I deserved. Those abusers have been haunting my dreams lately! Anyone have any advice. Any advice is welcome! Thank you!

Sincerely;

Jaz

[serenityqueen]

Before I even finished reading your thread I was wondering if you had been in abusive relationships in the past. I used to do some things, (from what I've been told )in my sleep, such as hitting, kicking, crying . . . My Son said he could hear me crying from his room and would come in to wake me up.I had some nightmares as well, but mine involved domestic violence towards me.These things all started when I had about 6 - 8 weeks clean and sober.

With you being fairly new (?) into Recovery, I imagine all of the demons are beginning to rear their ugly heads. The past memories are more than likely flooding back through your mind. I know I also thought that I didn't deserve to have the good friends I had met in early Recovery. I wasn't involved with anyone, but you had said that you used to think that abusive men were all that you deserved. Maybe your disease is trying to tell you that it's all you deserve, even though you now know that isn't true. The disease of addiction wants to pull us back into active using any way possible. Are you in any kind of therapy centered around domestic violence? Do you have a sponsor or someone close to you that you can talk to about this specifically? Meetings? Working any Steps?

I'm also concerned about you saying that you experience withdrawls when you try to stop the sleeping meds. These meds could very well be causing a good deal of the dreams too. I'm no expert, but I would seriously talk to the prescribing Dr. about it. Have you let him/her know that you are in Recovery?

Hang in there and Keep Sharing with Us.

I do believe that talking about issues helps to lessen their power. Disarms it so to speak.

God Bless,
Judy

[jazpoppy]

Thank you Judy;

Sorry I haven't checked this thread for a while. I have been very tired and withdrawn for a while. The weather had a lot to do with it. Rainy and cold. I get more pain and depression in low pressure weather patterns. Thank you very much for your advice and concern. I really didn't mean that I have withdrawal if I stop my sleeping medication, I don't take it everynight in FEAR of becoming addicted to it. I hear that benzo withdrawal is HORRIBLE and I have never been addicted that those substances and I don't want to be. That's what I meant to say, sorry if it didn't come out right. I have tried ambien (not a benzo like Valium, Xanax, Temazepam, or Klonopin) but its too expensive for me without insurance, even the generic cost almost $60 a month for 30 day supply. So I stick with Temazepam which is a weak benzo to help with insomnia and I take it mabey three times a week four at most. It just doesn't work as well as it did when I first started taking it, I think I'm used to it. I would like to NOT have to take anything but I'd be up all night and I can't do that for too long! I have a son to take care of and other family issues, that would drive me nuts if I went too long without decent sleep. I have noticed that lately, my nightmares have slowed down, or I'm not remembering them when I wake up, but best of all, my bf says I'm not crying out or thrashing as much in my sleep now. I try to relax each night before bed. I go lay down in the bedroom, dim the lights, and meditate by using a recovery tool called Relaxation Response I learned several years ago. This may be helpful to others so I'll post how to do it below this message. Anyways I'll check this thread to see if you responded, Judy. You may also PM me if you wish. Thank you and have a pleasant night's sleep!

Love

Jaz

Relaxation Response (to help you relax if you are stressed out and can't sleep):

1) First, make sure the room is dark or very dimly lit. Turn off music, tv, shut the door and tune out any background noise.

2) Lay down on your bed or sit in a reclining position.

3) Close your eyes. Imagine you are leaving your day behind, you are leaving your thoughts about everything behind, you are leaving the noises around you behind, tune out any background noise, think of NOTHING for at least 20 seconds. This will help you tune out and shut down the noises in the background and the noises in your head (racing thoughts).

4) Think of a place that you have been to that RELAXES you, a place where NOTHING has gone wrong, a place that feels totally and completely SAFE to you. Think of that place, and put yourself there.

5) Start thinking of how that place feels to you (warm, cool, breezy, etc...).

6) Now think of how that place smells (like the ocean, mountain air, grandma's apple pie, whatever GOOD smells that remind you of that place). Now you are there with sight, feeling, and smell only.

7) Now imagine how that place sounds to you (relaxing soft music, ocean waves hitting the shore, wind blowing softly through the trees, etc...). Now you are there with sight, sound, feeling, and smell.

8) Stay in your "safe" place for as long as you wish (60 seconds AT LEAST).

9) When you are ready, you may slowly come back by drifting away from the sound, then slowly away from the smell, slowly away from the feel, and slowly away from the sight.

10) Now think of NOTHING for at least 20 seconds, then slowly let your conciousness come back to the room by sight, smell, feel and then slowly open your eyes.

I really hope some of you try this and find it relaxing. I do. I use it anywhere anytime. I can a passenger in a car and use this technique, at the office, in the living room, the bedroom, but not while driving!!!

Love

Jaz