2 Of my Grandkids died - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

CAPTAINZING2000 · 01-19-2006, 09:50 PM

A few weeks back, I'd posted about my son and daughter in law having quads. He called and said 2 of the babies died.

I didn't know what to say to him on the phone. I kept thinking about me when, I first heard they were having quads. How's this going to affect me? Will I be having to help support my grand kids??

I need to get the point across to my son that, he just needs to be thankful the other 2 are alright. They've been trying to have kids for a couple of years.

I just don't want to be sayin anything to make my son upset right now!!!

best · 01-19-2006, 09:54 PM

Prayers for you all.

My sister had twins and only one lived. She is now 8. I understand not knowing what words. I think you have it right though... focus on what you do have. The best I had seen I was able to do... Just be there with an open ear.
Two ears, one mouth works wonders.

cwohio · 01-19-2006, 10:04 PM

So sorry for their pain and loss.I'll be adding them to my prayer list and you also!

LITTLE ANGELS

When God calls little children to dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometime question the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with the death of one small child,
Who does so much to make our world, seem wonderful and mild,
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to his fold,
So He picks a rosebud, before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them, and so He takes but few to make
the land of Heaven more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult still somehow we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows will always be "Goodbye."
So when a little child departs, we who are left behind must
realize God loves children, Angels are hard to find.
Author Unknown

**Ann** · 01-19-2006, 10:07 PM

I'm sorry. Zing, I'm sure this must have been very sad for them and I am glad the other two seem okay.

Each child is a gift from God, and I'm sure they loved each one of them. The two little ones who didn't survive brought their own gifts to leave with the others, however brief.

My prayers go out for your son and his family, that they will see the blessing in each child, the two who rest with God and the two who remain to comfort them and grow.

Hugs
Ann

CAPTAINZING2000 · 01-19-2006, 10:38 PM

Thanks

For The Kind Words !

BigSis · 01-19-2006, 11:52 PM

Hey zing... please accept my condolences on your loss.

We lost our baby to Sudden Infant Death Syndrom on April 3, 1989. She was our third and last baby.

I heard about being grateful for the other two we got to keep, and I do understand that people were trying to be kind and supportive.

I also needed people to let me talk about the little girl we lost, because we lost our entire future with her, and we could never have that with the other two... they each had their own.

It was helpful for people to let me cry - even if it made them uncomfortable - and some even told me it was ok ... they were truly angels.

It was helpful when someone told me to write out a letter of memories of good things.. because the sudden death for such a short life OVERWHELMED all the good memories. Perhaps your son and daughter-in-law could write some of the cute things they said to the babies in the womb, some of the hopes and dreams they had for them, and the joy of their birth. This cements the good stuff so it doesn't fade away.

And I needed to talk and talk and talk and talk about it. I even attended a parent grief support group for over a year. While my husband could NOT talk about it and DID things instead... found a grave marker, ordered it, got the funeral arranged, took care of calling people.

The strangest thing I discovered was the my closest family was the most useless during the grieving period.. I figured out later that is because THEY were also overwhelmed with grief and sadness - for both the baby and for me. My first cousins were the ones who stepped up and sat with us and listened and held us. Maybe if your son and daughter-in-law know that sometimes they won't have each other during what seems to be a time when they would, might be comforting to them.

Again, I know this is a difficult time... This too shall pass.

With loving prayers...

Justme57 · 01-19-2006, 11:55 PM

I am so sorry for your families loss Zing

In my thoughts

HUGX
Lee

01-20-2006, 04:16 AM

Also sorry for your loss....prayers going out to your family. Being there for your son is important and all that matters, some times there just aren't any right words.

Love....Denise

Wolfstarr · 01-20-2006, 03:24 PM

Chris,

I am so sorry for the loss of your grandchildren. Prayers for you and your son, and his wife, the two little survivors and the two little angels...
Grief, remember, is personal and experienced differently by the individual.
Sometimes, we focus on what we could have had instead of what's right in front of us to appreciate and love.
Don't worry about what or what not to say to him to help him through...just let him know your love for him and that can be expressed just by listening and crying with him.
My heart to yours, Chris.
Peace,
Wolf

splendra · 01-20-2006, 03:34 PM

(((Chris)))

So sorry for your loss....prayers going out for you and your family...

Chy · 01-20-2006, 03:36 PM

I am SO sorry Chris. I do understand. My prayers are with you and your family.

LovingMom · 01-20-2006, 03:39 PM

I am so sorry over the loss of the grandbabies and the terrible hurt your family is going to have to endure now. Trying to find the "right" words is like trying to hold a fist full of sand..it can't be done. Hold them, let them cry, encourage them to tell you about the babies...Every minor thing to you will be major to them. Sometimes saying nothing is saying the most. Please convey my heartfelt condolences to everyone there.

historyteach · 01-20-2006, 03:42 PM

(((Chris))))
My heartfelt sympathy for you and your family. Please know, you are in my prayers. May you all experience peace and joy in the life that exists still...
G*D be with you...

Shalom!

lonlion · 01-20-2006, 06:42 PM

Chris I was deeply saddened to read your post. My heart felt condolences to you and your family. I can't even begin to imagine how they must feel.

Big hugs,
Diana

CAPTAINZING2000 · 01-20-2006, 06:56 PM

Just hope the other babies stay healthy

My ex and I had 4 kids with no problems take that back, one miscarriage.

I know, my daughter in law is really wanting kids. My boy will make a good dad. He really likes kids

historyteach · 01-20-2006, 07:10 PM

And Chris...
You're son will make a good dad.

L'Chaim!
(To Life!)

***Nina Kay*** · 01-20-2006, 11:20 PM

Captain,
I'm so sorry for your great loss. And that you have to witness your son and daughter-in-law's heartbreaking sorrow. I also hope and pray that the other 2 babies remain healthy. Take care of yourself too. This has got to be very hard on you. Again, I am so sorry.

01-21-2006, 12:44 AM

wow Zing, I'm very, very sorry for your families' loss. I can only imagine how it would would feel. My heart goes out to all of you.

In memory of miracle · 01-23-2006, 05:42 AM

((( Chris )))
They have your love and support, your there for them. Don't worry about the words...Bless and prayers to you all, Trish

Here4Him · 01-23-2006, 09:56 AM

My sympathies to your family on this loss.
I agree with Big Sis on this one, having lost a child in infancy myself.
The best thing anyone could do for me was to listen to me ramble.
People are uncomfortable talking about it out of fear they will "set you off", hurt you...they tend to try NOT to have you talking about your loss.
But as a Mother, you want to make sure everyone REMEMBERS that this little child was born, lived and was a part of your life for however long they were there....the fear seems to be that they will be forgotten if not spoken about.
I hope that made sense...the best thing you can do is listen to them...words from you won't even matter, just your willingness to listen and understand their grief.
God Bless...

dakota110705 · 01-23-2006, 10:03 AM

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this tough time. Please know you are never alone

MamaGoose · 01-23-2006, 11:35 AM

Dear Captain,

I am so sorry for your family's loss.

Prayers and hugs..............

daddysgirl29 · 01-23-2006, 01:31 PM

Cap't Zing you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace, friend,

deedee · 01-23-2006, 03:20 PM

Zing -

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I believe the best thing you can do is be there to listen, and encourage them to speak of the two they lost as well as the two they still have.

prayers for all -

deedee

pmaslan · 01-24-2006, 01:31 PM

Chris....
Somehow I missed this thread, just saw it now....
I am so sorry to hear of your families loss...
Prayers to all of you.....

01-19-2006, 09:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
CAPTAINZING2000 Psalm 118:24 Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS Posts: 9,445 Blog Entries: 1	2 Of my Grandkids died A few weeks back, I'd posted about my son and daughter in law having quads. He called and said 2 of the babies died. I didn't know what to say to him on the phone. I kept thinking about me when, I first heard they were having quads. How's this going to affect me? Will I be having to help support my grand kids?? I need to get the point across to my son that, he just needs to be thankful the other 2 are alright. They've been trying to have kids for a couple of years. I just don't want to be sayin anything to make my son upset right now!!! __________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD J - Jesus first O - Others next Y - Yourself last John 14:6

01-19-2006, 09:54 PM	#2 (permalink)
best Don't get undies in a bunch Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA Posts: 7,166	Prayers for you all. My sister had twins and only one lived. She is now 8. I understand not knowing what words. I think you have it right though... focus on what you do have. The best I had seen I was able to do... Just be there with an open ear. Two ears, one mouth works wonders. __________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me. Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today?

01-19-2006, 10:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
cwohio Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Litterbox City Posts: 6,142	So sorry for their pain and loss.I'll be adding them to my prayer list and you also! LITTLE ANGELS When God calls little children to dwell with Him above, We mortals sometime question the wisdom of His love. For no heartache compares with the death of one small child, Who does so much to make our world, seem wonderful and mild, Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to his fold, So He picks a rosebud, before it can grow old. God knows how much we need them, and so He takes but few to make the land of Heaven more beautiful to view. Believing this is difficult still somehow we must try, The saddest word mankind knows will always be "Goodbye." So when a little child departs, we who are left behind must realize God loves children, Angels are hard to find. Author Unknown __________________ *Learn to write your hurts in sand. Learn to carve your blessings in stone! - Unknown*

01-19-2006, 10:07 PM	#4 (permalink)
Ann Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 25,192	I'm sorry. Zing, I'm sure this must have been very sad for them and I am glad the other two seem okay. Each child is a gift from God, and I'm sure they loved each one of them. The two little ones who didn't survive brought their own gifts to leave with the others, however brief. My prayers go out for your son and his family, that they will see the blessing in each child, the two who rest with God and the two who remain to comfort them and grow. Hugs Ann __________________ “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Winnie the Pooh~

01-19-2006, 10:38 PM	#5 (permalink)
CAPTAINZING2000 Psalm 118:24 Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS Posts: 9,445 Blog Entries: 1	Thanks For The Kind Words ! __________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD J - Jesus first O - Others next Y - Yourself last John 14:6

01-19-2006, 11:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
BigSis On a tear Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country! Posts: 3,240	Hey zing... please accept my condolences on your loss. We lost our baby to Sudden Infant Death Syndrom on April 3, 1989. She was our third and last baby. I heard about being grateful for the other two we got to keep, and I do understand that people were trying to be kind and supportive. I also needed people to let me talk about the little girl we lost, because we lost our entire future with her, and we could never have that with the other two... they each had their own. It was helpful for people to let me cry - even if it made them uncomfortable - and some even told me it was ok ... they were truly angels. It was helpful when someone told me to write out a letter of memories of good things.. because the sudden death for such a short life OVERWHELMED all the good memories. Perhaps your son and daughter-in-law could write some of the cute things they said to the babies in the womb, some of the hopes and dreams they had for them, and the joy of their birth. This cements the good stuff so it doesn't fade away. And I needed to talk and talk and talk and talk about it. I even attended a parent grief support group for over a year. While my husband could NOT talk about it and DID things instead... found a grave marker, ordered it, got the funeral arranged, took care of calling people. The strangest thing I discovered was the my closest family was the most useless during the grieving period.. I figured out later that is because THEY were also overwhelmed with grief and sadness - for both the baby and for me. My first cousins were the ones who stepped up and sat with us and listened and held us. Maybe if your son and daughter-in-law know that sometimes they won't have each other during what seems to be a time when they would, might be comforting to them. Again, I know this is a difficult time... This too shall pass. With loving prayers... __________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis

01-19-2006, 11:55 PM	#7 (permalink)
Justme57 Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Melbourne victoria Posts: 1,976 Blog Entries: 7	I am so sorry for your families loss Zing In my thoughts HUGX Lee

01-20-2006, 04:16 AM	#8 (permalink)
lost2long Guest Posts: n/a	Also sorry for your loss....prayers going out to your family. Being there for your son is important and all that matters, some times there just aren't any right words. Love....Denise

01-20-2006, 03:24 PM	#9 (permalink)
Wolfstarr Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Deeeep South Posts: 767	Chris, I am so sorry for the loss of your grandchildren. Prayers for you and your son, and his wife, the two little survivors and the two little angels... Grief, remember, is personal and experienced differently by the individual. Sometimes, we focus on what we could have had instead of what's right in front of us to appreciate and love. Don't worry about what or what not to say to him to help him through...just let him know your love for him and that can be expressed just by listening and crying with him. My heart to yours, Chris. Peace, Wolf

01-20-2006, 03:34 PM	#10 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 5,495 Blog Entries: 3	(((Chris))) So sorry for your loss....prayers going out for you and your family... __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

01-20-2006, 03:36 PM	#11 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,867	I am SO sorry Chris. I do understand. My prayers are with you and your family.

01-20-2006, 03:39 PM	#12 (permalink)
LovingMom Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Carrollton, Texas Posts: 218	I am so sorry over the loss of the grandbabies and the terrible hurt your family is going to have to endure now. Trying to find the "right" words is like trying to hold a fist full of sand..it can't be done. Hold them, let them cry, encourage them to tell you about the babies...Every minor thing to you will be major to them. Sometimes saying nothing is saying the most. Please convey my heartfelt condolences to everyone there. __________________ Love Is...Friendship on Fire.

01-20-2006, 03:42 PM	#13 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 9,303	(((Chris)))) My heartfelt sympathy for you and your family. Please know, you are in my prayers. May you all experience peace and joy in the life that exists still... GD be with you... Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE*

01-20-2006, 06:42 PM	#14 (permalink)
lonlion Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 423	Chris I was deeply saddened to read your post. My heart felt condolences to you and your family. I can't even begin to imagine how they must feel. Big hugs, Diana __________________ WHEN WE SPEND TOO MUCH TIME LOOKING IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR, IT TAKES OUR FOCUS OFF THE ROAD AHEAD, AND WE CAN CRASH

01-20-2006, 06:56 PM	#15 (permalink)
CAPTAINZING2000 Psalm 118:24 Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS Posts: 9,445 Blog Entries: 1	Just hope the other babies stay healthy My ex and I had 4 kids with no problems take that back, one miscarriage. I know, my daughter in law is really wanting kids. My boy will make a good dad. He really likes kids __________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD J - Jesus first O - Others next Y - Yourself last John 14:6

01-20-2006, 07:10 PM	#16 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 9,303	And Chris... You're son will make a good dad. L'Chaim! (To Life!) __________________ IMAGINE

01-20-2006, 11:20 PM	#17 (permalink)
*Nina Kay* Accepting Myself As Is Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Here @ SR. Posts: 2,855	Captain, I'm so sorry for your great loss. And that you have to witness your son and daughter-in-law's heartbreaking sorrow. I also hope and pray that the other 2 babies remain healthy. Take care of yourself too. This has got to be very hard on you. Again, I am so sorry. __________________ Acceptance is key to my Serenity. Nina Kay

01-21-2006, 12:44 AM	#18 (permalink)
Doug Guest Posts: n/a	wow Zing, I'm very, very sorry for your families' loss. I can only imagine how it would would feel. My heart goes out to all of you.

01-23-2006, 05:42 AM	#19 (permalink)
In memory of miracle In Memory Of Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Connecticut. Posts: 3,738	((( Chris ))) They have your love and support, your there for them. Don't worry about the words...Bless and prayers to you all, Trish __________________ In Memory Of Teach only love...

01-23-2006, 09:56 AM	#20 (permalink)
Here4Him Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 30	My sympathies to your family on this loss. I agree with Big Sis on this one, having lost a child in infancy myself. The best thing anyone could do for me was to listen to me ramble. People are uncomfortable talking about it out of fear they will "set you off", hurt you...they tend to try NOT to have you talking about your loss. But as a Mother, you want to make sure everyone REMEMBERS that this little child was born, lived and was a part of your life for however long they were there....the fear seems to be that they will be forgotten if not spoken about. I hope that made sense...the best thing you can do is listen to them...words from you won't even matter, just your willingness to listen and understand their grief. God Bless... __________________ In the depths of winter I found within me an invincible summer

01-23-2006, 10:03 AM	#21 (permalink)
dakota110705 Life is what you make it! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: The boonies, Wisconsin Posts: 43	My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this tough time. Please know you are never alone __________________ "Life is a sum of all your choices." -Albert Camus-

01-23-2006, 11:35 AM	#22 (permalink)
MamaGoose Honk if you're a codie! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: State of Codependency Posts: 120	Dear Captain, I am so sorry for your family's loss. Prayers and hugs.............. __________________ MamaGoose "Our recovery is tough. We don't have to give up a drink or a substance. We have to give up our very nature. We are caregivers. It's what we do." - historyteach -

01-23-2006, 01:31 PM	#23 (permalink)
daddysgirl29 Still learning; ever grateful Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: VA Posts: 842	Cap't Zing you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Peace, friend, __________________ daddysgirl29 _____________________________________________ When in doubt, look up!

01-23-2006, 03:20 PM	#24 (permalink)
deedee Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Faith~Hope~Love Posts: 933	Zing - I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I believe the best thing you can do is be there to listen, and encourage them to speak of the two they lost as well as the two they still have. prayers for all - deedee __________________ ~ While the light lasts I shall remember and in the darkness I shall not forget ~

01-24-2006, 01:31 PM	#25 (permalink)
pmaslan Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 2,333	Chris.... Somehow I missed this thread, just saw it now.... I am so sorry to hear of your families loss... Prayers to all of you..... __________________ Patty you either make dust...or eat dust. H. Jackson Brown Jr.

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