Help!

[webswendy]

I am 42yrs. old and suddenly after 4yrs. living together in sin, 11yrs. of marraige, two children and a morgage my husband died on June third of this year. He had a history of alcoholic seisures. He had been in the hospital for a few days about two months earlier because of a bad seisure he had in the middle of the night that had caused trouble with his heart rate and blood pressure. Even after not drinking for weeks because of medication he was on for a different problem, talking with the doctors and fighting with me he decided to go back to drinking and getting very drunk every night (even worse than before). He had a seisure infront of me and our two kids (11yrs., and 8yrs.at the time) that led to a massive heart attack. He lived for five days on a respirator untill I found out that he was brain dead. I gave my children a chance to say goodby and on the fifth day I had the machines turned off and the love of my life died in my arms. I feel sad, guilty, angry, confused, did I mention angry all at the same time.

[big daddy]

you are so in my prayers i haven't had a spouse die so i really don't what to say, don't drink know matter what.

[In memory of miracle]

Oh Wendy, My heart and prayers go out to you. What you posted, describes the disease of alcoholism. The end stages.It's a shame your husband could not stop drinking. I am sure your post will help other alcoholics, like me, not to drink today. Sometimes the only peace, for some of us, is sadly, death.
I hope that you are getting some help and support for you and your children, take care of yourself.SR is a great place for help and support. There are others here who have lost a spouse due to alcoholism, I am sure they will come around to support you.
Peace,
Trish

[Wolfstarr]

Wendy...

Prayers for you as well as your children...I am so sorry this happened to you.
Yes, you have every right to be angry. Let the stages of grief work through you, it will help you heal. Allow yourself to feel Anger, Denial, bargaining, depression and then acceptance...These feelings are yours. No one can hurry you up on them or make you stay in any phase longer than the other.

Take your time, feel the feelings, it's ok to feel guilty, angry and confused.
My prayers and thoughts are with you. We here at SR welcome you into our arms and hope that we can be of comfort and support to you.

Peace, dear one,

[Soul Catcher]

I am so sorry for your loss. I think the sad thing is we don't know who to blame. The alcohol? The store clerk for selling it? Ourselves? The disease? The "if only's" hurt alot. I am so sorry that your children are hurt. Nothing can comfort you during your loss. It's a very sad thing. Don't feel ashamed, be proud....love the goodness of him and for the good things he did. Do what he couldn't, live proud and happy. My mother was a father and a mother and an Aunt and Uncle to me, you can do it. It's ok to hurt and mourn and there is no time limit on it either. Your in my prayers during this difficult time, may he finally have found freedom. ^i^

[BeginAgain]

I am sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you, your children and your family. I can't and won't say "I know how you must feel" because I don't - I've never lost a spouse. Even if I had these experiences are so personal that everyone must cope and work through the grief in ther own way and on their own time.

Give yourself and your children permission to cry, scream, get angry or do whatever you must to release the painful emotions you must feel. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It always breaks my heart to see this disease claim a life and part a family. DOn't let anyone tell you it's time to get over it or time to move on with your life - how can they know. A dear friend of mine lost her husband last year in part due to this disease. One of the things she hated the most was people telling her it was time to "get over it" and "move past it" - that happens in your time - not in anyone elses - remember that and don't feel pressure to behave in keeping with anyone elses expectations.

Welcome & God bless. I hope that you find some comfort and peace here at SR.

[BONNIE JEAN]

((Wendy))
My heart goes out to you... I have not lost my spouse but my 23 year old son died this year. He was an addict and I know what all those feelings feel like, I am still feeling them all. Its hard because others do not always understand about the quilt we feel when those we love are addicts or alcohics at the time of their death. I believe that we have a lot more to deal with, the what have's, the what if's...... I know that I am still dealing with his addiction. I have also learned that the only way I can get through the day is with my faith. It helps me a lot to know that god has forgiven me & I need to forgive myself, everyone else that I have blamed and my son.

Many people will say dumb things and tell you time will help. The problem is it does not seem as if time moves foward. It's also hard to feel as if you need to be strong for others, remember to take time for yourself. Go with your feelings, don't hold them back they need to come out.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, Bonnie Jean