How???

[*smiles*]

My mother died 2 1/2 years ago. I still have not been able to get past her death. There is so much I wanted to say. I didn't get to see her 4 1/2 years before she died. I always held onto the hope I would get to see her again. Then one day the dreaded phone call. I was able to bury her, but still don't feel I really got to say goodbye. So many unresolved feelings and I just don't know how to get past this. Does anyone have any suggestions. It's not like she died yesterday.

[mParnell]

My wife had a similar issue with her dad dieing, alot of unresoved issues and she hasn't really delt with the reality of the whole thing yet. It's been about a year and a half... he died on her birthday of all days...but she does plan on going to theripy eventually, and his death will be one of the many things she works on... haveing some one to help guide you though it and to disect it can be a great thing.

Good luck lov

[Wolfstarr]

*smiles*

two and a half years is not that long ago. I am still struggling as an adult, an OLD adult, with the resolution of my father's death when I was a child. I still don't know how to resolve it. I am making progress, tho, in therapy.
Have you considered talking to someone about these feelings? It would behoove you to help yourself and let out and examine the angst you have over this.

Best to you. Hugs and prayers

[*smiles*]

Thank you both for the support I really appreciate the kind words. Well that night I wrote the post after I got of the internet and got quiet... I started to pray and wow I cried so hard it was like the day I found out she died. It hurt so bad but at the same time I felt a sense of relief as well. I feel better now. I think there is something about Thanksgivng that seems to be especially hard. That and when I found out my mom died I started taking pills and adventually went back to drinking. This is really the first sober holiday I have spent since she died and wow when you are sober it is a lot harder to stuff feelings. I am sure it is all about the healing process but sometimes it is so nice to have others to talk to about it. That is where my upmost appreciation comes in. Thank you so very much!!!

[Chy]

I buried my father on my birthday and it took me almost 20 years to bring it to closure. Journaling is a very good way to do that and share it with someone you trust. In AA we call it a 4th and 5th step and it wasn't until I learned about the steps was I able to do that. But the journaling is what was healing for me.

[*smiles*]

Did you write about your feelings or was it like a letter to your dad? I used to journal maybe I should start again. It feels good to be releasing some of the feelings I have kept inside so long but sometimes they are overwhelming. I want to grieve her death because I feel like I just haven't been the same and sometimes I feel like it affects the rest of my life because of it. I don't know maybe I'm just nuts. That could be a possiblity.. ;-)

Thanks for your support and a for you Chy.

[In memory of miracle]

((( Smiles )))

I could so identify with your post. I was using when both my Mom and Dad died. I had terrible feelings of guilt and regret. When I finally got clean, I put my faith in the process of recovery. I did meetings and therapy, individual and group. I also posted here, just as you are doing, and I got great support from the kind people here. I have been able to come to terms with those feelings and I believe if you stay in the process of recovery, you will to. Forgive yourself, he would want you too. I believe that where they are now there is only peace.
Bless, Trish

[*smiles*]

I believe she is now at peace more than she ever has been before. My mom died in her addiction (alcoholic). As for myself I was in recovery when she died. She just disappeared one day and despite my best efforts I could not find her. There were 4 1/2 years between her death and the last time I saw her. I belived that because she was active in her addiction and I was in recovery that when God thought it was ready we would reunite. That never happened! I started using because I did not know how to deal with her death. For 4 1/2 years I carried the hope that one day we would reunite (In God's time not mine). I never thought in a million years it would be at her grave. So since her death now I am sober again and wow the feelings are flooding in. I know I have to work through her death or I will use again. I am trying to embrace the feelings and not run from them. I still miss her so..

Thanks again and thanks for letting me vent some more.

[BONNIE JEAN]

I found that the best way to deal with my quilt after my son died was to talk to him either at his grave or out loud at home. Whether he was listening or not just saying it out loud helped me to realize that there was nothing I could do to fix the quilt. I also believe that if god can forgive me so can he, he knows that I loved him and I tried my best to do the right things. Quilt is one of the worthless emotions that prevent you from going on with your grieving, it made me feel stuck. And often creeps back in and stirs up alls kinds of emotions. So when it does I remember from Naron let go, let god, and it helps. God Bless you and I hope you can let them go so you can go on.
Bonnie Jean