Sad things about my life

Hi, I'm scarecrow (got the name from the wizard of oz, "If I only had a brain"). I miss being young and sheltered when I was young. My parents always made me feel things were alright. Now I'm 29, an addict, a schizofrenic, I really don't have a proper brain. I feel like a retard and I just want everything to be okay for me again. I'm a mess and I barely do anything and I just miss "the golden years of thinking I was alright and things were alright. Maybe I should hope that god will restore me in the next life to family, brain, and life. Life ain't easy and I've got dual or triple at least diagnosis (depression is also there). I'm sad to say I've been to various treatment, detox, street life, hospital, mental ward, jail, but never anything like yale. My mom died of cancer and I was shattered, so depressed I couldn't function and I went binging because I couldn't bear the pain and could not function at all due to the deep depression I had not encountered. I have a real tough time, espcly sincce then. Just wish I was a regular joe. What I'm doing isn't living, why doesn't god just give my place to someone who could do something with it. Where is my faith, where is my hope, where is my strength, where is my durability, where is my resolve and counter to doom and gloom. My last hug was from a girl on the street not at a meeting...that's not so important. Anyways, I am blessed but I want utter and complete heaven. I'm ****** in the head. I'm watching this movie of this camp reunited people who go back to camp later on and reunite. What's my answer to my sadness and madness. Do I just be grateful for the memories? Do I need an attitude adjustment? Do I need to write another grateful list? How do you guys combat the gloom and doom and the tough life and the chaos? Somebody please write something

It's like I just went out for a while and I get home and it's as if somebody tied something around my soul and it's immediately sunk to the bottom. I don't want to do these things like clean up excercise, call someone, etc, all I do is feel bad and think negatively, etc. Maybe it's time to visit the gratitude list or check out some of the stickys. I've lost a lot but I haven't lost everything. As long as I don't use, anyways, at least I'm not physically sick right now and I saw my dad today and I was thinking about what I wrote and I don't want to lose him too. Maybe I should lighten up knowing that he's still around. I can't let myself be victim of yesterday or tomorrow. Sometimes people think they have it bad when they really don't know how good they really have it. I know this is getting off topic but at least it's serving a good purpose to get things out.

[Wolfstarr]

((((Scarecrow)))))
Yes, it is good to get things "out there" and out of your head. When we keep things in our heads it bounces, ricocheting around till it can cause some damage...that's why it's so good to just talk.
Sometimes I come here and vent. I let out whatever is in my head to release the anxious feelings, and it does help. I, too, have experienced the feelings you have described and have isolated many many times. I have found that the isloating really does nothing but make the low feelings even stronger. I have to force myself to either come here and talk or seek out a dear and caring friend who will listen.
Please do check out the stickies and read.
You have a lot more going for you and you are a lot stronger than you think...I can see it in your words.
Peace dear heart...We are here for you.
Wolfstarr