raining

[lafever chris]

This is a frustrating time for me. Margaret and i got together april of 94, we both decided to take it easy since we both just got out of a bad marriage. We both had married young. So we were not ready to jump into getting married again, well we finally decided threee years later to do it. We were married november 22, 1997. I`ll never forget the day she got hit in a car accident,march 2,1998. We were talking to each other in a parking lot both sitting in our own vehicles. We told each other that we loved one another and she pulled out to go to the house as i was going to work. She pulled out first and got hit instantly spining her car out of control until she was ejected onto the pavement. I ran to her emediatly kneeling down to see if she was alright, the back of her head was bleeding. I took of my shirt and held it to her head. Her face looked like an angel, not a scratch. I begged her not to die, over and over till the ambulance arrived. She did not respond in any way. She had collapsed both lungs, broke both collar bones, one of which was a compound break sticking out of her shoulder. A ruptured spleen which they removed. Also she was paralized on half her body. She hung to life for two weeks until her body started to shut down, by then she was brain dead. It was ten o`clock march 15,1998 that i made the decision to let her go, she had suffered enough. I still love her and miss her with all my heart. But its still hard getting through the hollidays, or loving anyone new. I pray that i can overcome my fears.

chris

[GettingFree]

Chris,

My heart goes out to you and I feel much compassion. It is so very difficult when significant dates come that remind us even more of those we have lost. The grief can be so strong, and the longing so powerful. It sounds like there was much love there and the foundation of a healthy relationship. If you had this then, I have to believe you will have it again. The capacity to love attracts more love. Your capacity to love will thrive again.

best
gf

[Tapery]

Chris, I am very sorry for that tragic accident and your loss. We don’t know what are reactions will be when these anniversaries come around until they are here. I honestly believe if we accept our feelings at the time they come, whatever they are, they will be healing. Still, I hope the pain lessens for you and you are able to take what you taught each other about a loving and caring relationship and put it to good use in your life today and in your future. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Marsha

[Wolfstarr]

(((((Chris)))))

I am so sorry for your loss. My brother lost his wife in a similar accident, and although he is remarried and has had 3 beautiful children--he admitted to me that the pain of loss lingers for him, even after 25 years. Yes, it is much lessened, and he did find finally in his heart room enough to love another. That did not diminish his love for his first beloved wife.
My heart and love go out to you. Peace and prayers dear heart.
Wolfstarr

[lafever chris]

Thanks to all that responded, i`m not sure if it helps at all but its nice to know that ther are people out there that can relate. God bless you all.


chris

[indigo]

Chris i am so very very sorry for all your pain i am holding you in my heart today.

indigo

[lafever chris]

Well i made it through the holidays, this was my second x-mass clean and sober without margaret, i feel her in everything i do, does that sound strange? I want so much to love again that it hurts, it seems like all the woman that i`m interested in are either married or have boyfriends, i feel like i`m the lone ranger out posting fences, i`m a romantic at heart, i love looking at the stars or watching the sun set, sometimes i`ll stop what i`m doing like nothing else matters just to do these things. I find myself walking alone in the parks and trails, i used to take my border collie and of course my dad fell in love with my dog at first sight, if you had seen the joy in his face you`d understand why i just couldn`t let them part. Now he takes the dog to work, he even makes decisions on how people treat the dog and what the dog thinks of them. I guess it`s true that animals have that sixth sense, well i`m just rambling about how wonderfull his life is, what about mine? Or am i being selfish, or worse yet self-seeking and self-centered. Is it wrong to want to love and be loved again? Some days i just want to cry and i do and try and let this stuff out and other days i try and vent like right now, somehow it seems easier to vent here then with someone i know because theres no face to it. Or maybe my friends are tired of hearing it and this is the last house on the block for my feelings, whatever it is i always feel a little better after writting even though i can`t spell worth a $$$$, and my sentences just run together. I know this but i just don`t care what others think of my grammer. Whenever someone points out those kinds of things to me it just shows me how anal they are. Except me for who i am and not who you want me to be right? Ok, so now i`m just rambling about nothing so i guess you`ve guessed what my life seems to feel like, like i`m just rambling through life, i just thank god i havent started talking to myself, that would really be sad. Well i guess this kinda sums up why i`m alone, i guess it would be easier if i let someone into my life then i wouldn`t be hung up on the past, but to find someone who likes me for me and not just the eye candie, or the lust, do you ever feel like all the good ones are gone or taken? So what happens is i get someones left overs, like there passing the buck to me, here take her off my hands, and then i start doing the same or i start coming up with excuses like, my dog needs i bath and i`ve been putting it off because i`ve always had something else more inportant untill now, ok, despite the fact that i don`t even have a dog anymore right. Of course they have shows like sex in the city to inspire woman to look me over like a menue, I wish for once someone would just honestly want to get to know me, or sincerely ask me how i feel, and want to become friends first. Not just strike up a conversation to throw me off with their reall agenda.

chris

p.s. god bless the two sparrows lost in a hurricane, trying to find there way.

[In memory of miracle]

Oh ((( Chris )))
I'm so sorry, as I read your post I was thinking what a blessing that the last thing you said to Margret was that you loved her. I try to remember to do that with all the people I love in my life, tell them I love them, before I go out, or hang up the phone. My heart and prayers go out to you, and congradulations for making it through sober, not easy, I know. Keep the faith.
Bless, Trish

[lafever chris]

Trish,

Thank you.

chris

p.s. god bless

[Anguished]

(((Chris))),

Reading your thread just broke my heart... I am so sorry...

Hugs to you,

Anguished

[deedee]

(((Chris)))

I'm so sorry for your loss ... I can see from your words how very much you loved Margaret. She will always be with you, I know that is true. And you can always bring your feelings here. We understand the path you walk and will always listen. I hope, truly, that you find someone else worthy of your love.

hugs,

deedee