I hesitated... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Debbie · 11-13-2004, 11:58 AM

about having a memorial service for Fred. I knew any progress I made was going to slip away. You know "one step forward, two steps back" but I do think it is what I need to do to help me through the "process".

So I picked November 19th - this coming Friday. It would have been his 53rd birthday. I need to celebrate his life and what better day than the day of his birth.

So, I am having a short service. The pastor is bringing it all together. My niece is going to read a poem, his friend and old sponsor is going to read a poem and his daughter is going to read some scripture.

A few pictures in the front and a vase of flowers. Simple because he was a simple kind of guy. He wouldn't have wanted a lot of fan fare.

I just wanted to share with you what I am doing. I think I am doing this more for his family and friends more than for myself but in the end it will probably be good for me. A chance to say good bye that I never really had or did yet.

Thanks for listening.

Hugs to all,
Debbie

Gabe · 11-13-2004, 12:16 PM

Deb,
I don't think any of us are ever prepared to deal with this stuff.
So we muddle through it the best we can.
I think you're doing a remarkable job.
I hope the service gives you, and his family and friends what you need to get through this difficult time.
Big hugs and light from me to you,
Gabe

Paulie · 11-13-2004, 12:36 PM

(((Debbie))) we will be right there with you. I think the 'simple' concept is great and I love the way you say 'cause he was a simple guy'. Whatever reason you are doing it, is the right reason.

Love you my friend!!!

renee18 · 11-13-2004, 12:42 PM

I think you are doing the best you can and having a simple service it a great idea.
Hugs for you.
Love,
Shana

11-13-2004, 12:42 PM

Debbie,

Memorial services do bring some closure.

When my husband died suddenly I was very young and couldn't face it at all. I had the funeral home pick out a casket and had my husband buried before the funeral. I couldn't face seeing the casket. They were nice and said that had never been done before, but they would do it for me. I had them put a letter in the casket that I wrote to my husband. That was comforting to me. It's still comforting knowing that the letter is with him.

My inlaws were angry with me because they were the kind of family that liked open caskets and pictures and things like that. I just couldn't do it. It would have killed me to face that much at the time. I didn't find closure until much later.

A lot of memorials give those in attendance a chance to share and it seems to help everyone there with closure. I'm the only one in my family at my father's funeral that didn't share. Grieving for me is very personal and private. I cried very hard alone after my father's funeral.

Anything you do will be wonderful Debbie.

I love you,
MG

**Ann** · 11-13-2004, 03:43 PM

I think it will be good for you, Deb, and give you a chance to say goodbye with family and close friends to support you. We'll all be with you in our thoughts and our prayers.

Heartfelt Hugs
Ann

journeygal · 11-13-2004, 08:11 PM

((((((Debbie))))))

We'll all be right there with you.

Love you,
JG

Debbie · 11-14-2004, 05:19 AM

Thanks everyone. You know every time I come to this thread I cry. Not sure why, it makes me sad and yet thankful for all my friends here.

Time2Surrender · 11-14-2004, 05:34 AM

Debbie,I don't know you and never had the pleasure of knowing Fred either.But,I wanted to send my condolances to you and your family.God bless you.

Debbie · 11-14-2004, 12:50 PM

Thank you

margo · 11-15-2004, 09:17 PM

((((((((((Debbie)))))))))) I'm glad you're going ahead with a memorial. I think your idea of doing it on his birthday as a celebration of his life is a lovely idea. Rememer that we will be there with you.

Love you, Debbie.

**Ann** · 11-19-2004, 04:25 PM

Debbie

I was thinking of you today, and hope the memorial service went well. Just know your are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs
Ann

Debbie · 11-20-2004, 07:45 AM

Hey all

Service went well. A few glitches but we dealt with it and its over. I feel good that things went well but sad that it even had to happen

Thanks for thinking of me.

Love and hugs,
Debbie

Gabe · 11-20-2004, 08:04 AM

Hugs Deb.

I'm glad the service went well.

**Ann** · 11-20-2004, 08:16 AM

Love you Debbie

11-13-2004, 11:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	I hesitated... about having a memorial service for Fred. I knew any progress I made was going to slip away. You know "one step forward, two steps back" but I do think it is what I need to do to help me through the "process". So I picked November 19th - this coming Friday. It would have been his 53rd birthday. I need to celebrate his life and what better day than the day of his birth. So, I am having a short service. The pastor is bringing it all together. My niece is going to read a poem, his friend and old sponsor is going to read a poem and his daughter is going to read some scripture. A few pictures in the front and a vase of flowers. Simple because he was a simple kind of guy. He wouldn't have wanted a lot of fan fare. I just wanted to share with you what I am doing. I think I am doing this more for his family and friends more than for myself but in the end it will probably be good for me. A chance to say good bye that I never really had or did yet. Thanks for listening. Hugs to all, Debbie

11-13-2004, 12:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,785	(((Debbie))) we will be right there with you. I think the 'simple' concept is great and I love the way you say 'cause he was a simple guy'. Whatever reason you are doing it, is the right reason. Love you my friend!!! __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

11-13-2004, 12:42 PM	#4 (permalink)
renee18 Awaiting Email Confirmation Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Massillon, Ohio Posts: 387	I think you are doing the best you can and having a simple service it a great idea. Hugs for you. Love, Shana __________________ Count the night by stars, not shadows. Count your life by smiles, not tears.-unknown- I will not fear what the future may held or be held captive to my past

11-13-2004, 03:43 PM	#6 (permalink)
Ann Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 25,194	I think it will be good for you, Deb, and give you a chance to say goodbye with family and close friends to support you. We'll all be with you in our thoughts and our prayers. Heartfelt Hugs Ann __________________ “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Winnie the Pooh~

11-13-2004, 08:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
journeygal believer Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: walking in faith Posts: 1,023	((((((Debbie)))))) We'll all be right there with you. Love you, JG __________________ Whether they find recovery or not, we survive...and then we thrive. ~Gabe

11-13-2004, 12:16 PM	#2 (permalink)
Gabe Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 4,955	Deb, I don't think any of us are ever prepared to deal with this stuff. So we muddle through it the best we can. I think you're doing a remarkable job. I hope the service gives you, and his family and friends what you need to get through this difficult time. Big hugs and light from me to you, Gabe

11-13-2004, 12:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
Morning Glory Guest Posts: n/a	Debbie, Memorial services do bring some closure. When my husband died suddenly I was very young and couldn't face it at all. I had the funeral home pick out a casket and had my husband buried before the funeral. I couldn't face seeing the casket. They were nice and said that had never been done before, but they would do it for me. I had them put a letter in the casket that I wrote to my husband. That was comforting to me. It's still comforting knowing that the letter is with him. My inlaws were angry with me because they were the kind of family that liked open caskets and pictures and things like that. I just couldn't do it. It would have killed me to face that much at the time. I didn't find closure until much later. A lot of memorials give those in attendance a chance to share and it seems to help everyone there with closure. I'm the only one in my family at my father's funeral that didn't share. Grieving for me is very personal and private. I cried very hard alone after my father's funeral. Anything you do will be wonderful Debbie. I love you, MG

11-14-2004, 05:19 AM	#8 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	Thanks everyone. You know every time I come to this thread I cry. Not sure why, it makes me sad and yet thankful for all my friends here.

11-14-2004, 05:34 AM	#9 (permalink)
Time2Surrender Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Washington State Posts: 7,263 Blog Entries: 7	Debbie,I don't know you and never had the pleasure of knowing Fred either.But,I wanted to send my condolances to you and your family.God bless you.

11-14-2004, 12:50 PM	#10 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	Thank you

11-15-2004, 09:17 PM	#11 (permalink)
margo Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia Posts: 1,727	((((((((((Debbie)))))))))) I'm glad you're going ahead with a memorial. I think your idea of doing it on his birthday as a celebration of his life is a lovely idea. Rememer that we will be there with you. Love you, Debbie. __________________ Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind is bearing me across the sky. ~Ojibwe saying~

11-19-2004, 04:25 PM	#12 (permalink)
Ann Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 25,194	Debbie I was thinking of you today, and hope the memorial service went well. Just know your are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs Ann __________________ “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Winnie the Pooh~

11-20-2004, 07:45 AM	#13 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	Hey all Service went well. A few glitches but we dealt with it and its over. I feel good that things went well but sad that it even had to happen Thanks for thinking of me. Love and hugs, Debbie

11-20-2004, 08:04 AM	#14 (permalink)
Gabe Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 4,955	Hugs Deb. I'm glad the service went well.

11-20-2004, 08:16 AM	#15 (permalink)
Ann Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 25,194	Love you Debbie __________________ “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Winnie the Pooh~

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