After so long! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

LucyA · 03-23-2012, 11:06 AM

As I was leaving work this morning I saw a guy I literally haven't seen since school.
He said hello as if we'd last met yesterday, but I had to ask who he was as he'd changed so much (not in a bad way, but it was 30 years ago!)
We chatted for a few minutes and then he asked me how my brother was, and completely floored me.
I thought I was OK, I thought I was all done with having to tell people he was gone. Apparently not!
Most of the time I think I do OK with my grief, I let it out when I can talk about it, and I have lots of people I can talk to.
When I need to I can sort of save it and come back to it when it's 'safe', like if I feel the need to I'll play tunes on youtube in my headphones and have the cry I need then I'm Ok again.
Not today. It's been such a long time and I thought I'd come so far since I last said 'he's gone'.
I mean I miss him all the time, and we talk about him and think about him, there are photos in the house, but to actually have to say it again, after so long was soooo painful today.

Katyrose · 03-23-2012, 04:07 PM

Lucy, I know just what you are saying. It's been 3 1/2 years since I lost my son to addiction, and I still can't tell strangers that he's gone without crying. Like you, we talk and reminisce about him all the time, but there's something about having to tell someone that he's gone...it just brings you to your knees. Most times I just can't say it, so a few people who are new in my life don't even know because I just can't tell them. Like you said...it's so painful...too painful.

Wishing you better days.

Katy

NYCDoglvr · 03-24-2012, 12:01 PM

Thank you for posting the changing stages of grief. One day I realized I was thinking about my mother's life and not her death. That was when it turned a corner for me.

God bless..

Mavis1 · 04-02-2012, 11:08 AM

Dear Lucy, sometimes you are caught off guard like that huh? me too. it hasn't been a year since my husbands death but if I see someone I know that I think doesn't know, I avoid them like the plague..I just don't like telling people and they always ask how he died...that's the hardest part, they actually want details..I know how you feel. you just had a weak moment, you have to let those tears out. peace and love, m

**MsPINKAcres** · 04-03-2012, 11:36 AM

no words only PINK HUGS of support!
Rita

03-23-2012, 11:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
LucyA Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 1,018	After so long! As I was leaving work this morning I saw a guy I literally haven't seen since school. He said hello as if we'd last met yesterday, but I had to ask who he was as he'd changed so much (not in a bad way, but it was 30 years ago!) We chatted for a few minutes and then he asked me how my brother was, and completely floored me. I thought I was OK, I thought I was all done with having to tell people he was gone. Apparently not! Most of the time I think I do OK with my grief, I let it out when I can talk about it, and I have lots of people I can talk to. When I need to I can sort of save it and come back to it when it's 'safe', like if I feel the need to I'll play tunes on youtube in my headphones and have the cry I need then I'm Ok again. Not today. It's been such a long time and I thought I'd come so far since I last said 'he's gone'. I mean I miss him all the time, and we talk about him and think about him, there are photos in the house, but to actually have to say it again, after so long was soooo painful today. __________________ Walk on through the wind, Walk on through the rain Though your dreams be tossed and blown Walk on walk on with hope in your heart And you'll never walk alone.

04-03-2012, 11:36 AM	#5 (permalink)
MsPINKAcres Living in a Pinkful Place Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 7,002	no words only PINK HUGS of support! Rita __________________ ". . . let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you One Day at a Time." From the Al-Anon Suggested Closing It is very difficult to have a pity party when celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!

03-23-2012, 04:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
Katyrose Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: MA Posts: 121	Lucy, I know just what you are saying. It's been 3 1/2 years since I lost my son to addiction, and I still can't tell strangers that he's gone without crying. Like you, we talk and reminisce about him all the time, but there's something about having to tell someone that he's gone...it just brings you to your knees. Most times I just can't say it, so a few people who are new in my life don't even know because I just can't tell them. Like you said...it's so painful...too painful. Wishing you better days. Katy

03-24-2012, 12:01 PM	#3 (permalink)
NYCDoglvr Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: New York, NY Posts: 2,527	Thank you for posting the changing stages of grief. One day I realized I was thinking about my mother's life and not her death. That was when it turned a corner for me. God bless..

04-02-2012, 11:08 AM	#4 (permalink)
Mavis1 Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Leominster, Ma Posts: 119	Dear Lucy, sometimes you are caught off guard like that huh? me too. it hasn't been a year since my husbands death but if I see someone I know that I think doesn't know, I avoid them like the plague..I just don't like telling people and they always ask how he died...that's the hardest part, they actually want details..I know how you feel. you just had a weak moment, you have to let those tears out. peace and love, m

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