I lost my Mom to Cancer - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Ilovemysonjj · 03-02-2012, 01:47 PM

Hello everyone, I am a regular on the friends and family of substance abusers for my Recovering Addict son. Sadly, now I will be a regular on this forum as my precious Mom lost her battle to Cancer at my home on Saturday 2-25-12. I am mostly in shock because she still had some time according to the Doctor, but she was struggling so hard to breathe all day on Saturday. She passed right in front of my eyes and we could not revive her.
Please send your prayers for her spirit to be in peace.
Her name is Toni.
Thank you SR family

Teresa

suki44883 · 03-02-2012, 02:00 PM

Prayers for Toni and all who loved her. So sorry for your loss.

***cmc*** · 03-02-2012, 02:01 PM

I was with my mom during those last precious moments, I'm so sorry for your loss; and am certain that having you by her side was a great comfort.

I'll pray for you and your family during this sad time.

**Impurrfect** · 03-02-2012, 02:15 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, and many prayers coming to you and everyone who loved ((Toni)).

My mom struggled before her death, too, and though I was glad she no longer had to struggle? I went through every stage of grief, some more than once, because it hurt so bad.

Please know we are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

chicory · 03-02-2012, 03:43 PM

Teresa,
I am so sorry that you lost your mom. it must be especially painful since you thought she had more time. I would imagine she was very glad to be with you during her precious time left. I wish you comfort and peace.

Rest sweetly, Toni. You surely are loved.

most sincerely,
chicory

**Dee74** · 03-02-2012, 03:46 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.
My prayers go out to you and your family.

D

**MsPINKAcres** · 03-05-2012, 02:12 PM

oh sweetie - just now reading this - so very sorry for your loss

prayers of sweet peace, comfort and strength for you and all who loved her!

gentle pink hugs,
Rita

Ilovemysonjj · 03-05-2012, 03:34 PM

I feel so drained. The memorial was yesterday and it was beautiful. As soon as it was over, I felt like I was moving in slow motion. I tried to go to work today, got up and barely could make the kids lunches before passing out on my bed until 1:30. Now feeling dull and emotionless. Grieving is unpredictable. My daughter also feeling the effects, she and I are napping together today.
thank you all for your prayers and support.
TT

Ilovemysonjj · 03-06-2012, 07:36 AM

Feeling a little better today. I woke up without that ton of lead weighing me down. Thanks Mom for helping me regain some energy. I am headed back to Virginia to settle her affairs on Thursday. I am the executor (?) and have to deal with the details. My loving brother (bless his heart) is a plumber so the paperwork all falls on me. I am posting here for my own benefit to help me cope through these first few days thanks everyone for sending silent support to me

. Our house looks like a flower shop, so many beautiful bouquets. Mom was adored and loved and always will be.
TT

**MsPINKAcres** · 03-07-2012, 09:37 AM

((TT))

I made 3 trips to Kentucky in about 8 weeks to take care of my Dad . . .(it's about 850 miles from where I live in Louisiana)

first trip was to set up home care for him. . last week of Aug 2011
second was for his funeral Sept 11, 2011
third was to clean out his apartment & settle part of his affairs Oct 8-13, 2011

It was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting ~

I still miss him very very much, as I'm sure you will miss your Mom too.

Keep posting, journaling and take good care of you - that's the way I keep working thru my grief. . .

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Ilovemysonjj · 03-07-2012, 01:14 PM

Thank you Rita, So much....
I actually worked out today and have been able to function for the most part. I dread tomorrows long plane ride, then going to her empty house. I will be praying for some peace and feel her sweet spirit while going through 67 years of her life.
Our journey was 16 months of ups and downs while she battled for her life. I will always treasure our last few days together where I actually got to be her caretaker and it was so fulfilling that I could help her. She was one of those tough cookies, very independent and very stubborn. I will love her forever.
TT

**MsPINKAcres** · 03-08-2012, 10:28 AM

((TT))

The empty house is hard. . . prayers for you so much.

Cleaning out my Dad's apartment was tough, my Mom, my Hubby and I did that ~ my mom had her time to say her goodbyes and then she allow me to be one to take down my Dad's "dream catcher" he had on his front door and then lock the door for the last time.

Even as I type this tears come to my eyes. . .

Truly sending lots of good thoughts and prayers to you for strength, courage and wisdom as you go thru these next few days ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Ilovemysonjj · 03-18-2012, 04:02 PM

Today my brother had his first real grieving time. When I went to Virginia to take care of Moms stuff, he stayed with me at her house (he lives about 5 miles from my mom) and he was never alone during the entire week that I was there. He had a friend from California staying with us as well and we were busy the entire time. Today, he was alone and packing a few more things up in Moms bathroom. That is when it hit him. He cried and then called me. We talked for an hour about the current issue with my son and about his feelings of loss and devastation. It was healing for both of us.

chicory · 03-18-2012, 04:46 PM

we are with you in spirit. sending a big hug.

Ilovemysonjj · 03-20-2012, 11:21 AM

Thank you so much Chicory and Rita. Today I actually made an effort to dress up and normalize. I CANNOT control what is going on with my son and I CANNOT change that my Mom is gone. I need to breathe and live. Thank God for this site, without it I would be curled up in a padded room by now.
Love T

**Impurrfect** · 03-20-2012, 12:19 PM

Continuing to send you and all who loved your mom my hugs and prayers. I'm glad you're continuing to post. I think I would have worked through my grief a bit healthier had I had SR back then.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

firecallie · 03-20-2012, 06:32 PM

I lost my mom in October. I too was with her and that brings me the most comfort that she knew I was there. She had survived cancer two times and sadly she started drinking after 30 years of sobriety when her father died 3 years ago. What keeps me going is knowing my mother would nit have wanted me to follow in her footsteps. Her legacy will be me living a happy successful life.

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, so so sorry for your loss!!

Ilovemysonjj · 03-20-2012, 07:38 PM

Thanks Fire Callie. Moms are the most precious gift that we cherish and I have been reflecting on how we not only were Mother Daughter, but she was/is and always will be my BEST FRIEND, so I have lost two pieces of my heart. I talk to her every day. God is showing me how to connect and give all of my pain and suffering up (sometimes minute by minute). When I figure out how to, I will post a picture here of me and my Mom taken just after Thanksgiving. She was the shining light and anchor for our family, the last surviving grandparent and true Matriarch of both my side and my husbands side of the family.
In spirit
TT

DaveO · 03-20-2012, 08:02 PM

I send you, and your family lots of hugs and strength.This has to be one of the hardest things anyone should ever have to do

My mother took care of her mom in our house when I was young until her battle with cancer took her.

I then took care of my mother until her battle with cancer took her in 2003, and had to plan the funeral, estate, and all the other horrible issues that death brings.

03-02-2012, 01:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
Ilovemysonjj Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 869	I lost my Mom to Cancer Hello everyone, I am a regular on the friends and family of substance abusers for my Recovering Addict son. Sadly, now I will be a regular on this forum as my precious Mom lost her battle to Cancer at my home on Saturday 2-25-12. I am mostly in shock because she still had some time according to the Doctor, but she was struggling so hard to breathe all day on Saturday. She passed right in front of my eyes and we could not revive her. Please send your prayers for her spirit to be in peace. Her name is Toni. Thank you SR family Teresa

03-02-2012, 02:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
suki44883 Just livin' the dream Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Somewhere Out There Posts: 11,557	Prayers for Toni and all who loved her. So sorry for your loss. __________________ "The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is the character of the person walking the path." - Travis Alexander "So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key." - The Eagles

03-02-2012, 02:01 PM	#3 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL Posts: 14,239	I was with my mom during those last precious moments, I'm so sorry for your loss; and am certain that having you by her side was a great comfort. I'll pray for you and your family during this sad time. __________________ We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. ~Albert Einstein

03-02-2012, 02:15 PM	#4 (permalink)
Impurrfect Social Network Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Atlanta Posts: 25,196	I am so sorry for your loss, and many prayers coming to you and everyone who loved ((Toni)). My mom struggled before her death, too, and though I was glad she no longer had to struggle? I went through every stage of grief, some more than once, because it hurt so bad. Please know we are here for you. Hugs and prayers, Amy __________________ "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer "You got what it takes you can win, today is your day to begin. - Shania Twain (Tinker, Elvis [RIP], Patches and Mots - Mouth Of The South)

03-02-2012, 03:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 65,477	I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to you and your family. D __________________

03-02-2012, 03:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
chicory Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: ohio usa Posts: 4,208	Teresa, I am so sorry that you lost your mom. it must be especially painful since you thought she had more time. I would imagine she was very glad to be with you during her precious time left. I wish you comfort and peace. Rest sweetly, Toni. You surely are loved. most sincerely, chicory

03-05-2012, 02:12 PM	#7 (permalink)
MsPINKAcres Living in a Pinkful Place Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 7,002	oh sweetie - just now reading this - so very sorry for your loss prayers of sweet peace, comfort and strength for you and all who loved her! gentle pink hugs, Rita __________________ ". . . let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you One Day at a Time." From the Al-Anon Suggested Closing It is very difficult to have a pity party when celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!

03-05-2012, 03:34 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ilovemysonjj Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 869	I feel so drained. The memorial was yesterday and it was beautiful. As soon as it was over, I felt like I was moving in slow motion. I tried to go to work today, got up and barely could make the kids lunches before passing out on my bed until 1:30. Now feeling dull and emotionless. Grieving is unpredictable. My daughter also feeling the effects, she and I are napping together today. thank you all for your prayers and support. TT

03-06-2012, 07:36 AM	#9 (permalink)
Ilovemysonjj Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 869	Feeling a little better today. I woke up without that ton of lead weighing me down. Thanks Mom for helping me regain some energy. I am headed back to Virginia to settle her affairs on Thursday. I am the executor (?) and have to deal with the details. My loving brother (bless his heart) is a plumber so the paperwork all falls on me. I am posting here for my own benefit to help me cope through these first few days thanks everyone for sending silent support to me . Our house looks like a flower shop, so many beautiful bouquets. Mom was adored and loved and always will be. TT

03-07-2012, 09:37 AM	#10 (permalink)
MsPINKAcres Living in a Pinkful Place Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 7,002	((TT)) I made 3 trips to Kentucky in about 8 weeks to take care of my Dad . . .(it's about 850 miles from where I live in Louisiana) first trip was to set up home care for him. . last week of Aug 2011 second was for his funeral Sept 11, 2011 third was to clean out his apartment & settle part of his affairs Oct 8-13, 2011 It was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting ~ I still miss him very very much, as I'm sure you will miss your Mom too. Keep posting, journaling and take good care of you - that's the way I keep working thru my grief. . . PINK HUGS, Rita __________________ ". . . let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you One Day at a Time." From the Al-Anon Suggested Closing It is very difficult to have a pity party when celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!

03-07-2012, 01:14 PM	#11 (permalink)
Ilovemysonjj Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 869	Thank you Rita, So much.... I actually worked out today and have been able to function for the most part. I dread tomorrows long plane ride, then going to her empty house. I will be praying for some peace and feel her sweet spirit while going through 67 years of her life. Our journey was 16 months of ups and downs while she battled for her life. I will always treasure our last few days together where I actually got to be her caretaker and it was so fulfilling that I could help her. She was one of those tough cookies, very independent and very stubborn. I will love her forever. TT

03-08-2012, 10:28 AM	#12 (permalink)
MsPINKAcres Living in a Pinkful Place Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 7,002	((TT)) The empty house is hard. . . prayers for you so much. Cleaning out my Dad's apartment was tough, my Mom, my Hubby and I did that ~ my mom had her time to say her goodbyes and then she allow me to be one to take down my Dad's "dream catcher" he had on his front door and then lock the door for the last time. Even as I type this tears come to my eyes. . . Truly sending lots of good thoughts and prayers to you for strength, courage and wisdom as you go thru these next few days ~ PINK HUGS, Rita __________________ ". . . let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you One Day at a Time." From the Al-Anon Suggested Closing It is very difficult to have a pity party when celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!

03-18-2012, 04:02 PM	#13 (permalink)
Ilovemysonjj Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 869	Today my brother had his first real grieving time. When I went to Virginia to take care of Moms stuff, he stayed with me at her house (he lives about 5 miles from my mom) and he was never alone during the entire week that I was there. He had a friend from California staying with us as well and we were busy the entire time. Today, he was alone and packing a few more things up in Moms bathroom. That is when it hit him. He cried and then called me. We talked for an hour about the current issue with my son and about his feelings of loss and devastation. It was healing for both of us.

03-18-2012, 04:46 PM	#14 (permalink)
chicory Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: ohio usa Posts: 4,208	we are with you in spirit. sending a big hug.

03-20-2012, 11:21 AM	#15 (permalink)
Ilovemysonjj Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 869	Thank you so much Chicory and Rita. Today I actually made an effort to dress up and normalize. I CANNOT control what is going on with my son and I CANNOT change that my Mom is gone. I need to breathe and live. Thank God for this site, without it I would be curled up in a padded room by now. Love T

03-20-2012, 12:19 PM	#16 (permalink)
Impurrfect Social Network Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Atlanta Posts: 25,196	Continuing to send you and all who loved your mom my hugs and prayers. I'm glad you're continuing to post. I think I would have worked through my grief a bit healthier had I had SR back then. Hugs and prayers, Amy __________________ "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer "You got what it takes you can win, today is your day to begin. - Shania Twain (Tinker, Elvis [RIP], Patches and Mots - Mouth Of The South)

03-20-2012, 06:32 PM	#17 (permalink)
firecallie Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: TX Posts: 43 Blog Entries: 10	I lost my mom in October. I too was with her and that brings me the most comfort that she knew I was there. She had survived cancer two times and sadly she started drinking after 30 years of sobriety when her father died 3 years ago. What keeps me going is knowing my mother would nit have wanted me to follow in her footsteps. Her legacy will be me living a happy successful life. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, so so sorry for your loss!!

03-20-2012, 07:38 PM	#18 (permalink)
Ilovemysonjj Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 869	Thanks Fire Callie. Moms are the most precious gift that we cherish and I have been reflecting on how we not only were Mother Daughter, but she was/is and always will be my BEST FRIEND, so I have lost two pieces of my heart. I talk to her every day. God is showing me how to connect and give all of my pain and suffering up (sometimes minute by minute). When I figure out how to, I will post a picture here of me and my Mom taken just after Thanksgiving. She was the shining light and anchor for our family, the last surviving grandparent and true Matriarch of both my side and my husbands side of the family. In spirit TT

03-20-2012, 08:02 PM	#19 (permalink)
DaveO Doesn't play well with others Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Michigan Posts: 113	I send you, and your family lots of hugs and strength.This has to be one of the hardest things anyone should ever have to do My mother took care of her mom in our house when I was young until her battle with cancer took her. I then took care of my mother until her battle with cancer took her in 2003, and had to plan the funeral, estate, and all the other horrible issues that death brings.

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