my heart is broken and i am scared

[2stop]

My dad died last February.....a long painful wretched death. He suffered and I did my best to yelp but i have been so sick myself with lupus. Fibromyalgia. Disc dusease and herniated discs.....I can't get off the couch some days.....but I did my best to be with him and was with him when he died...........wel yestrday my mom had a stroke. It isnt as severe as most ive seen but I have this gut wrenching feeling she will die this winter. I am so upset toniht crying.....missing my dad.....worried about my mom.....I am 39 and I feel about 5 yrs old tonight........my heart hurts so bad and u keep crying and shaking. I finally took a xanax. But don'tusually find them super helpful.....I am just desperate to feel better..........I don't think i can bear anymore sadness or loss. My two teens are learning to drive and i am scared to death they will be killed in a wreck. I hate always worrying about death but I have since I was 4.....both my parents had suicidal depression. Hopefuly just typing al this out will help. I go to counselling on tuesdays. I just feel so awful tonight. My physical and emotional pain has reached its max I think........I am so sad it feels so overwhelming.
Tell ne how you guys cope? I am usualy so strong.

[Dee74]

I'm so sorry for all of this, 2stop.

Please do speak to your counsellor - when we have a rough year it's so easy for our worries and fears to snowball and for everything - both real and fears - to start to look overwhelming.

I've experienced much the same myself this year. Reaching out really helps. Please keep looking for positive ways to deal with the situation.

Prayers for you and all your family in this difficult time.
D

[Katyrose]

2stop, I am so sorry for your loss. My dad died from addiction in the month of February too, although it was many years ago. My son died of addictions over 3 years ago, so I know your pain.

If your mom's stroke wasn't too severe, there is a good chance of recovery. I know after losing a loved one, we tend to think and worry about losing others too. It's part of the anxiety, which is part of grief. Everything seems overwhelming. It's good that you are going for counseling. I hope you will begin to heal soon.

Sending healing energy to you and your mom.

xoxo
Katy

[MsPINKAcres]

prayers of peace and comfort for you - asking your HP to give you strength to not allow FEAR to steal today's joys!

pink hugs,
Rita

[2stop]

Thanks for your replies.....i have forenoon ahold of myself. I just got so overwhelmed I was drowning myelf with it all. I have come through many things.....and I will find the strength to get through thus too.....thanks again and. Big hugs to all...you guys are awesome here.

[Mavis1]

hi 2stop,

I lost my husband of 20 years back in june. I was numb for days/weeks after it happened and then I started the water works. I think that for me, having a good cry every day seems to help. I feel the grief, I let it wash all over me and I breathe very deeply and close my eyes and wrap my arms around myself and know in time I'll find the relief I need to get thru another day. I try to love myself as much as I loved him. I would not have wanted him to grieve and feel so much pain if it was me that had died. I'd want him to move on and be happy and to cry and feel loss but to never loose hope and move on and let go and all that stuff. You can do it, support is where it's at, here you are on a grief support network asking for help and people are reaching out to you. You are in the right place, as I write I think about my michael and I actually have already had my cry this morning, sitting on the floor in the ladies room at work, do whatever it takes but hold your head high and be that survivor I know you are. love to you and yours, loss is so hard....m