I miss my friend and former counselor who died 11 yrs ago

[least]

I didn't know until several years later that he'd killed himself, not died of a heart attack as I was told. Lately my mind has been arguing with itself over his choice to commit suicide. Part of me thinks he was brave to end it all when his life was unbearable for him. Part of me hates him for having killed himself and taking himself away from those who loved and needed and trusted him.

I sometimes have fantasies about suicide when I desperately want to escape, but think, always think of the impact it would have on my loved ones, so I don't consider it seriously.

I miss my friend more the longer he's gone, and feel so ambivalent about his death - whether I miss him more or hate him more for leaving too early.

[nickishine]

Originally Posted by least

I miss my friend more the longer he's gone, and feel so ambivalent about his death - whether I miss him more or hate him more for leaving too early.

Wow! I understand this quote, Least! It took my son's death to then forgive my dead mother for leaving this world too soon (addiction(s)!

Thank you for sharing this. There's just no set time for any of us in dealing with the grief and the grieving stages we must go through!

I'm sorry for your loss! My son died 9 years ago and it seems like just yesterday I was holding him in my arms! Sometimes it's okay to live with my memories.... many times... I just can't believe my heart hasn't stopped due to the wrenching pain!