Month 10

[Maggiemac]

Sept 19th my only child has been died for 10 months. I miss him so wanting to hear his voice just one more time. ( Hey Mum I'm home ) Just one more time.
Giving me a bear hug and lifting me off my feet and me yelling put me down. Him saying Ilove you ma. Just little words and actions that I have no more. I am glad this addiction didn't take his young years he knew he had a good life. But all of my what if's will not change things he is gone and I will always love and miss him my heart is his.

Maggiemac

[change4penny]

Maggiemac, My heart goes out to you. I have two teenagers, both boys, 19 and 16. I can't even imagine....
God bless you. You are in my prayers.

Penny

[aasharon90]

Hi maggiemac....Im not familiar with ur
story nor ur lost. I myself have not
experienced death of a close one
just yet except a few of my pet
birds. That for me was somewhat
hard to deal with.

I cant say I definitely under-
stand ur pain because I havent
experienced it yet.


Im 19 yrs sober and only hope
that when the time comes that
I will be strong enough to cope.

Mentally, emotionally and spiritually
strong.

I appreciate u sharing ur feeling
with me and others. Ur not alone.

[lauren]

Maggie, our grief does give us sadness and our memories
can give us smiles. You more than likely will always miss
your son and your memories of smiles will one day over-take
the sadness. Keep strong as you too give other's memories
to hold on to. We are all given something special to give
back to someone else, so please stay healthy for those in
your circle of life to hold on to.

lauren

[Freedom1990]

[helpformyson]

Maggiemac,

I could not stop crying after reading your post. My heart, prayers and thoughts are with you. Please get some counseling and hold on to those precious memories.

My boyfriend lost two of his kids in one year. His 18 year old and his 18 month old. Only through grief counseling was he able to get through it. His ex-wife never went and seems to be having a more difficult time coping.

Your son picking you up, squeezing you and all the while you pretending that you wanted down. What a great memory. I have an identical memory....my son picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder, spinning me around and my laughing order to "put me down now, young man", only making him do it more.

My only child, a 22 year old AS, has not passed, but is in so deep with the drugs, that my counselor has advised me that I need to be prepared that I might loose him. How does a parent do that?

[baldjim]

hey i feel your pain many years ago i carried my daughters white coffin to her grave i lost my mind for ten years or so ,i brought my other daughter up as a single dad till she was 5 then the mother snatched her away and i never saw her again for 12 long years and when i did find her again she had been raped at 13 and had spent 5 years in a mental hospital ,she lives with me now and is mentally ill very much so ,every day is a major challenge to get through

i have also lost two younger brothers and had my first cousin murdered he was also my best friend


life is so very very tough but its not how many times that you get knocked down that matter its how many times you are able to get back up

i remember when Natasha first died ,i counted the hours ,then it was the weeks ,then the years

after a few years the pain gets less and is easier to bare

but to be honest the grief never goes

it comes back when your friends who had babbies the same age start taking their children to school i actually broke down and cried when i saw them in their school uniform ,then secondry school,driving lessons,and recently the girl who was exactly the same age as my Natasha had twins ... you guessed it she called one of them Natasha

i know exactly where you are at right now i have been there its not a great place to be but believe me time helps the pain and one day you will be where i am now ,fondly remembering my daughter and helping some one else who has lost a child with kind words and understanding

[palmbayflorida]

Maggie, I can't imagine losing my only child. I have a 14 year old girl who is my stepchild and I could not imagine losing her. My heart goes out to you. Remember the good times and I can only hope that time will heal your wounds.

[palmbayflorida]

baldjim, I also can't imagine how someone can't go on with so many losses. Your spirit is amazing. I have lost a couple of family members and still feel bitter about it. I hope to someday have the ability to move forward like you have.

[baldjim]

i think i came accross a bit over the top there it was not my intention at all

i believe your will power is like a muscle the more you use it the stronger it gets

lets face it what in your life can prepare you for some of lifes horrors

but they can be overcome with positive thinking

a freind who lost his wife ,son and new born baby in a car crash once said to me ,"if this is not the worst day you have ever had and this is not the worst you have ever felt then things must be getting better"

hmmm maybe he had a point i really have had worse days than i have today so maybe things are getting better

the thing is grief will end ,things will get better

what kills me is my daughters mental illness she cries all the time and is always wanting to kill herself,to see her so upset all the time it just kills me .the hatefull nasty stuff she says all time that kills me

and the thing is this will never ever get better it end only when she dies or when i die and when i die who will look after her ???? now that thought kills me too

[indigo]

I feel so sad for your loss I haven't seen two of my children one for 7 years & I don't know if she's alive or not & my eldest son who I also don't know where he is. I know I will not be seeing them again & I can feel your sorrow through your post. He probably hugs you in spirit & loves you just as much.

[abcdefg]

Originally Posted by Maggiemac

Sept 19th my only child has been died for 10 months. I miss him so wanting to hear his voice just one more time. ( Hey Mum I'm home ) Just one more time.
Giving me a bear hug and lifting me off my feet and me yelling put me down. Him saying Ilove you ma. Just little words and actions that I have no more. I am glad this addiction didn't take his young years he knew he had a good life. But all of my what if's will not change things he is gone and I will always love and miss him my heart is his.

Dear Maggie,

My only daughter was killed six years ago. I (like Jim) lost my mind and nearly died myself from the heart break. It was a grief too difficult to bear. But somehow I have survived.

I did anything and everything I needed to in my grief just to make it through each moment. For YEARS I lived one hour at a time. One Day at a Time was far, far too long.

I talk to my daughter every day, many times a day. I have a very active relationship with her spirit even though she is not here with me physically. It doesn't change the fact that I still want to hug her, help her with homework, watch her grow up (which she never got to do -- she was only 8) but in finding my way through, I have managed to keep going. I have built a new life, a "new normal" as they say in grief counseling, and I experience joy, happiness and fulfillment. This is very, very recent. I was shattered for three years, holding on and I guess doing okay for the next two. It's only been in the past year that I've found ways to truly go on for my own sake.

I am responding mainly to tell you that you are not alone, that I was devastated by the loss of my only child and that I do have a life today that I find worth living.

I am sending you hugs and prayers. And I will ask my angel to say hello to yours.