I need some encouragement please...

[tigers13]

Today marks the six month anniversary since my hubby died. It's like being in an ocean but I can't see the shore. The ocean waters are warm and comforting, yet I can't stay in the water to long because of the dangers that lurk under the surface just waiting for me to give up. I really need encouragement and hope that I'll see the shore soon, and prayers to give me the strength to reach it.

thanks...
tiger

[Impurrfect]

((Tiger)) - I'm so sorry you're struggling. I know when my mom died, it was 6 months before it really hit me that she was gone. Intellectually, I knew it all along, but it took all that time for the mind/heart/gut to be able to digest the painful information.

You will see the shore, again, sweetie I promise. It doesn't seem like it, and the grieving is hard and painful. But the only way through it IS to go through it. Any shortcuts will only prolong things. We never totally lose the pain, IMO, but we get to a point where the painful days are further and further apart, and we have many, many more days where we can remember the good memories, and it doesn't rip our hearts out like it does in the beginning just to think of them.

It is a gradual progress and one day you will realize that you've gone a "little bit" and you've been "okay"...not in despair like you feel now. Then it keeps getting a little easier. The first year was my worst...every holiday, special day..it just hurt to be "the first ---- without mom". For me, I was able to heal a little more after that first year, just knowing I'd survived "the firsts".

Sending you many hugs and prayers.

Amy

[Lenina]

(((tigers)))

I lost my husband many years ago. It took time and a good bereavement counselor but I was able to smile again. Grieving is a particular process and it really helped me to have a professional guide me through it. There used to be a support group called Widow to Widow that was helpful to me. You might check with your doctor or the local hospital social services to see if they know where to find them.

I read a great book that helped me a lot too. I believe it was titled "A Widow's Handbook" and it helped me not to feel so crazy. I didn't think I'd ever smile or love again. But I did and you will too. Be kind to yourself.

It helped me to get out and keep busy. I made some new girlfriends and I tell you, they helped me so much to get reconnected with my life.

Take care, you will feel better.

Much love,

Lenina

[Lenina]

tiger,

Just checking in on you. I just read Joan Didion's new book, "A Year of Magical Thinking." It's her memoir written in the year after her husband's sudden death from a heart attack. Her progress seemed to match mine. I got a lot from it.

Love,

Lenina

[tigers13]

Originally Posted by Lenina

tiger,

Just checking in on you. I just read Joan Didion's new book, "A Year of Magical Thinking." It's her memoir written in the year after her husband's sudden death from a heart attack. Her progress seemed to match mine. I got a lot from it.

Love,

Lenina

Thanks so much Lenina. I think what's making any transition so difficult is because I've been dealing with sever depression for many years...the combination is so hard. My psychiatrist isn't sure what to do because she's not sure if it's the depression I'm already being treated for, and what's the situational depression I'm dealing with. I will look for that book you've mentioned, I have read "For Widows Only" and it did help with knowing I wasn't crazy in the feelings and emotions I was going thru after my husbands death. I need to try to find something that deals with grief while already being depressed. I just can't seem to find which way is up. The one thing I know I have that is a positive and I'm proud of myself for, is the fact that after going thru all this I am still sober...I'll have 6 years November 5th.

Thanks so much for checking in on me...it means so much to me.

Shel xx

[Lenina]

Congrats on your sober time! I also have depression and have had it for many years. I think it's tricky dealing with both grief and depression at the same time.

I was seeing a psychiatrist for depression but when I saw a specialist for the grieving, it really helped. I found the specialist through a local hospital who had a Life Transitions program. I saw her for six sessions and she really helped me sort things out. Bereavement is a different situation than depression.

You might ask your therapist or doctor if they can refer you to a specialist for this. It's not meant to be a long term commitment. The program I attended was free, one to one counseling. You might also call your local or county hospital and speak with a social worker who can make a referral for you.

Do keep us posted on your progress. I'm so happy to hear about your sober time!

Love,

Lenina

[tigers13]

Originally Posted by Lenina

Congrats on your sober time! I also have depression and have had it for many years. I think it's tricky dealing with both grief and depression at the same time.

I was seeing a psychiatrist for depression but when I saw a specialist for the grieving, it really helped. I found the specialist through a local hospital who had a Life Transitions program. I saw her for six sessions and she really helped me sort things out. Bereavement is a different situation than depression.

You might ask your therapist or doctor if they can refer you to a specialist for this. It's not meant to be a long term commitment. The program I attended was free, one to one counseling. You might also call your local or county hospital and speak with a social worker who can make a referral for you.

Do keep us posted on your progress. I'm so happy to hear about your sober time!

Love,

Lenina

Thanks again Lenina, I will try calling the local hospitals to see if they have any programs like that here....sounds like it really helped you, and I know I need some help.

xx

[greeteachday]

(((Tigers)))) Thinking of you. I have several bouts with major depressive episodes in my life and then lost my 20 year old daughter. I found the first year with all its "firsts" was extremely hard. Usually for me the anxiety anticipating that first birthday or holiday was worse than the actual day.

For me, just understanding it was my journey, knowing I wasn't alone and that I had support and letting myself take the pain out and sit with it for awhile, then put it aside until I was again ready...all helped me. It's been 3 years - I have found light and laughter again, but there are times and days where it will just hit like a blow to the stomache, and that's okay...it is all part of getting to the other side. My memories of my sweet daughter help too and it isn't so painful now to think about those memories.

Congratulations on your sobriety! You should be positive and proud about that - it's wonderful! I'm glad you are reaching out and seeing if there is counseling like suggested available in your area. Hugs

[indigo]

I am so sorry for your losses I can empathize with you please be kind to yourself & try to remember the good times it does help although it makes us weep.

[baldjim]

hang in there my friend grief last a long time but with time it will lessen i promise

first time on my daughters birthday i have not gotten wasted

she would of been 21 today i was dreading today

key to the door age and all that

i have gootten through it

its been hard but no where near as hard as it was even 3 years ago

i guess time might be healingmy broken heart and soul a little

as in time it will yours

[least]

It's hard, I know, when a loved one dies. It seems to me that part of me is angry with that person for going away, part of me just feels like a big piece of my soul was ripped out. I am glad you are seeking support. Grief does get less, but it helps me just keeping them in my heart.

[Lenina]

tigers,

How are you doing? Were you able to find a bereavement counselor?

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and wishing you well.

Love,

Lenina

[tigers13]

Originally Posted by Lenina

tigers,

How are you doing? Were you able to find a bereavement counselor?

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and wishing you well.

Love,

Lenina

Thanks Lenina. I haven't found a counselor yet, but I must admit that I haven't tried very hard. I was supposed to go to my nephews 2nd b-day party today, but I just couldn't force myself. Today is Sunday the 8th, hubby died on Sunday the 8th, and it marks 8 months since I lost him...it was just to hard to go.

Thanks again for remembering me.

[Lenina]

((((tigers))))

I know, anniversary dates are hard. It does get better, though. The first year is just so full of "firsts" it can make your head spin! I really needed the counseling to get past it all. Are you journaling at all? It helped me to write down things, just for me, not to show anyone else. I was better able to keep track of my healing when I could read back on it.

I used to set aside a little time on each of the days to think about him. Just an hour or so, not to dwell on it but just let myself grieve. It does get easier.

Much love to you,

Lenina

[tigers13]

Thanks again Lenina. I did do a lot of journaling in the beginning, and I'm not sure why I stopped. I'm so glad you reminded me of it and I think I'm going to try to get back to it...it really is helpful to get all of your feelings and thoughts out...and some entries I used to talk to him. Thanks for caring.

[Katyrose]

Tigers, I lost my only son 14 months ago. I started writing letters to him a month after he died, and I still continue to do so. I write whenever I want to tell him something or it's a special day, or whatever. It helps keep him alive in my heart and also chronicles my sad journey of grief.

I've found it to be very helpful.

Katy

[barb dwyer]

*prayers for tigers*

*prayers for Katyrose*

[tigers13]

Originally Posted by Katyrose

Tigers, I lost my only son 14 months ago. I started writing letters to him a month after he died, and I still continue to do so. I write whenever I want to tell him something or it's a special day, or whatever. It helps keep him alive in my heart and also chronicles my sad journey of grief.

I've found it to be very helpful.

Katy

Thanks Katy, it really is hard when you have something happen and you just want to share it, only to realize they're not there. I really think that will help. I'm also sorry to hear about your son. Sometimes the pain is so intense that we feel we'll break into pieces.