First post

[redemptionnow]

Been reading this forum for several months now, and have found much on here comforting. My ex-wife died in October, we never stopped loving each other and I never gave up hope on her getting better. Our marriage just couldn't survive the disease and how it made both of us sick. We made amends after 3 years of being divorced and I was going to come home once she had 6 months of sobriety. When she died, she had managed 3 weeks since our divorce, not including 5 months in treatment.

I checked in on her just 2 days before she was found dead. She seemed no worse than 100 times before. I was upset about all we had lost financially (the market plunge, plus she was spending her IRA's having lost her job). I was in a panic, upset and told her we were all washed up. Then I asked her to tell me she was OK and I knelt by her as she lay on the couch and told her everything would be alright, but that I had to go.

I had rescued her so many times, bringing her back to my apartment to sober up, but this time I needed a break. She said she would be OK and I left, but not before checking in with her big sister by phone. I put it in her family's hands and went home. After being unable to reach her by phone after 36 hours her sister and mother went to the house and found her on the floor. The medical examiner said primary cause was a heart condition, something she was unaware of. Chronic ethanol use was listed as other contributing factor.

After 30 years together (22 married), I lost the love of my life. The guilt, the regrets about getting mad that night, and leaving her there alone. She was a very sensitive woman, what if she gave up the fight after seeing me so upset, so discouraged?

I didn't cause it, couldn't control it, and couldn't cure it, but that doesn't take away the pain. She was the one for me, and we had finally made amends for the pain we caused each other. I did my share of messing things up. The disease of alcoholism was the last thing we needed to beat. I hate this disease!!

[Maggiemac]

I am sorry for your loss my son died of a drug overdose 8months today. My life and my husbands life will never be the same. I pray everynight for God to help us all. They tell me time will help but not for me.
Bless you,
Maggiemac