just so pizzed off and angry

[baldjim]

after losing two younger brothers and a my daughter Natasha
plus some other horrible stuff i cant possibly write on SR

my nieghbour has lost her younger sister 31 years old just dropped down dead,she is a friend and seeing as i've been carrying grief like a tattoo since i cant remember when, i have been talking and trying to help her through things ,yes its been tough brought back a lot of pain but i thought i got through it ok,another close friend just lost her 11 year old grandaughter to cancer ,i have done my bit said what i could ,done the hugs and chat thing to all of the family,my partner has been good to these people

now i'm getting to my point ,when my family died i had no one ,not a thing ,my partner was ok for a week then i was on my own we broke up i hit the bottle pretty near drank myself to death probably had a breakdown of some sorts,why can she be so compassionate to every one else and its dog but not me not even now,i'm just so hurt and confused and angry ... does she not care about me at all

[Astro]

I wish I had the right words to comfort you Jim, and I'm sorry for the many losses in your life. I can't imagine what it's like to lose siblings and children.

At the club where I attend AA meetings, it seems like we lose a few people every month. A few of them pass on quietly, sober after many years of recovery. Sadly, many of them are not so fortunate, addictions are not pretty diseases to die from. In my 45 years on this earth, I've watched my mother die from drinking and smoking, had a friend die in a murder-suicide, had another friend get drunk and drown in a canal, and in the last 4 years I've been sober I've watched quite a few others go, victims of substances.

Sometimes I can accept that one must die so that many can be saved, other times I just can't comprehend why God chooses certain people.

I've found the "Serenity Now!" search function at this site Hazelden -- Thought for the Day very helpful for meditations to help me through difficult periods in my life. The words hurt, confused, angry brought up dozens of meditations, maybe you'd find some of them useful.

[baldjim]

Originally Posted by Astro

I wish I had the right words to comfort you Jim, and I'm sorry for the many losses in your life. I can't imagine what it's like to lose siblings and children.

At the club where I attend AA meetings, it seems like we lose a few people every month. A few of them pass on quietly, sober after many years of recovery. Sadly, many of them are not so fortunate, addictions are not pretty diseases to die from. In my 45 years on this earth, I've watched my mother die from drinking and smoking, had a friend die in a murder-suicide, had another friend get drunk and drown in a canal, and in the last 4 years I've been sober I've watched quite a few others go, victims of substances.

Sometimes I can accept that one must die so that many can be saved, other times I just can't comprehend why God chooses certain people.

I've found the "Serenity Now!" search function at this site Hazelden -- Thought for the Day very helpful for meditations to help me through difficult periods in my life. The words hurt, confused, angry brought up dozens of meditations, maybe you'd find some of them useful.

thanks for taking the time to reply ,i have slept most of the day and recharged my batteries a little

i have never felt so utterly alone,when times have gotten tough i have gotten drunk there were always drunks to drink with ,now i'm not drinking and dont want to fall off of my wagon i spend a lot of my time just on my own thinking ,i guess years and years of drunken life trying to forget have washed over me leaving me drowning in a dark sea of grief

i'm trying to help three people through their grief and its bloody exhausting and very painful,tomorrow as they say is another day maybe i can pull myself together and sort myself out

what on earth would i do without my Internet and my lap top

thanks for the link ,i will look at that in a minute

my mum was an alcoholic and i too watched her die from cancer not nice so i know how you feel,but we were never close,i used to go to work and spend all my wages on food for my siblings then cook and clean for them i was the oldest at 16 the others were only young ,drinking by my mother ruined our lives before they had even began..such a waste yet my brother that died in a house fire and my sister where alcoholics its funny you end up doing exactly the thing you hated the most as a child when you grow up

[Astro]

Originally Posted by baldjim

i'm trying to help three people through their grief and its bloody exhausting and very painful,tomorrow as they say is another day maybe i can pull myself together and sort myself out

I love helping other people Jim, that's a huge part of my recovery, without that aspect to my life I'd be looking for excuses to drink. But I know that the first person I have to help is myself. If I'm not healthy, then I'm not in any condition to be helping others.

Tomorrow is another day for them too. I hope you'll take a little time for yourself to search for some peace and serenity.

When I'm alone, and when I'm grieving, that's when I seek support from the fellowship of AA. I try to open up and let them love me unconditionally, until my batteries are recharged and I can help myself, as well as reach out to others.

[Astro]

This is a good time to post The Promises, I highlighted a few that are helping me through some financial difficulties, as well as daily worries........

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.


Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.

Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84

Huh, guess I ended up highlighting them all. Amazing how that works!


Big Book quote from Alcoholics Anonymous, 1st edition.

[baldjim]

Originally Posted by Astro

This is a good time to post The Promises, I highlighted a few that are helping me through some financial difficulties, as well as daily worries........

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.


Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.

Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84

Huh, guess I ended up highlighting them all. Amazing how that works!


Big Book quote from Alcoholics Anonymous, 1st edition.

thanks again indeed my friend