I am at a stand-still

[CrisDavis]

I can't get it together today. Didn't do so good yesterday. Turning my own daughter in to Social Services was so hard. My head tells me it was the right thing to do, but then it tells me what a bad mother I was, how she's right, and this is all my fault. Today, I can't see any good outcome. All I can see is that I will never see her or my grandson again, and my heart hurts. Iam at a standstill. 15 years of sobriety tell me that this is a blip- this too shall pass, blah, blah, blah... but I am screaming inside of myself, and for the first time in a long, long time I want something, anything to take it away. The ONLY reason I'm not stoned right now is that little voice inside of me that keeps telling me, "15 years, 15 years," Does it matter that it was the right thing? she's my daughter. She's my baby. And the other voice, the angry one that says that nothing I ever did for her was good enough. WHY won't she get help? I DID! Shouldn't that prove SOMETHING to her. I'm tired of the merry-go-round in my head. My tool box seems almost empty right now. I can't even pray.

[Toomutch]

Welcome Cris,

I'm unclear as to what was going on with your daughter that led to reporting her.
As hard as it may be, try not to feel guilty about it. Form what I can gather, you did this out of love and sometimes tough love is what's needed.

[Wolfstarr]

Hi Cris...I saw myself in your post. You are to be commended for loving and doing the best for your grandson and daughter.
Two years ago I did the same to my struggling daughter. I had had enough. I called DCF; however, I got custody of my granddaughter.
Let me tell you it was so hard to do. There were so many times I had to turn against my instincts and move towards what I thought would eventually help her, me and my family.
It worked.
Today she is working, has a network of friends from recovery whom she adores and they adore her. Her daughter is a bright, loving child with no ill effects so far.
So I say to you YES! This too shall pass. All things do pass, whether good or bad. Sometimes we are driven so hard by our emotions that we cannot see the light of day. That's ok, but remember...that will pass too and soon, the beauty of light, love and life shines brightly right before our eyes....and....we understand.
Peace, dearheart.

[Angelic17]

Originally Posted by CrisDavis

I can't get it together today. Didn't do so good yesterday. Turning my own daughter in to Social Services was so hard. My head tells me it was the right thing to do, but then it tells me what a bad mother I was, how she's right, and this is all my fault. Today, I can't see any good outcome. All I can see is that I will never see her or my grandson again, and my heart hurts. Iam at a standstill. 15 years of sobriety tell me that this is a blip- this too shall pass, blah, blah, blah... but I am screaming inside of myself, and for the first time in a long, long time I want something, anything to take it away. The ONLY reason I'm not stoned right now is that little voice inside of me that keeps telling me, "15 years, 15 years," Does it matter that it was the right thing? she's my daughter. She's my baby. And the other voice, the angry one that says that nothing I ever did for her was good enough. WHY won't she get help? I DID! Shouldn't that prove SOMETHING to her. I'm tired of the merry-go-round in my head. My tool box seems almost empty right now. I can't even pray.

Maybe your daughter just isn't ready to get clean and sober yet. Sometimes they just have to be done. They won't be done, cause we want them to be. It's sad but it's true. Your trying to spare her the consequences, by asking her to get clean. But she has to do it when she is ready. Don't give up on prayer. It will take you to some sort of peace.

[indigo]

Welcome (((Cris)))

[FreeBird09]

Cris, I had to do the same thing to my brother. My nephew was 6 at the time, I found him standing outside in the Spring, drinking from a jug of some liquid because he wasn't aloud in the house. I convinced my brothers girlfriend at the time to let me take the boy to the doctors, where I took the doctor aside, before he examined him and explained to him what I felt was going on (and KNEW what was going on) I guess I really didn't have to say anything to the doctor, because when he examined him he was a mere 23 lbs, with contusions in his stomach. The horrors that baby suffered at the hands of an alcoholic was beyond imagination. Both my brother and his girlfriend were alcoholics at the time. Needless to say my nephew was put into foster care and my brother continued to drink for 10 more years after that. He hasn't had a drink now for 15 years.. going on 16, but he is a 'dry drunk' (I didn't understand that term until I was on SR).

I was full of guilt for doing that, but to save a childs life was more important to me then protecting the actions of an alcoholic. Later down the road my brother said he understood why I did what I did, it took many many years for him to admit it, but still didn't admit his wrongdoings, only what his girlfriend did to the child.

My heart goes out to you, I pray for peace in your heart and soul for the choice you had to make to protect an innocent child.

Don't blame yourself, when we reach adulthood WE make the choices that affect our life, and we can't keep locking down on how terrible our parents were as an excuse for poor choices and bad behavior.

[huntsober]

Prayers sent your way. JFT dont pick up.