The Beginning of the End - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

yukonm · 04-07-2009, 11:51 AM

:ghug
The beginning of the downward spiral that brought me to my last bottom was the death of my best girlfriend, my aunt, my godsister and my sister (my only sibling and surviving blood relative) all within a 2 month period. I never handled death well. When I lost all these people who were so close to me who were the only people left who had loved me unconditionally (or so I thought at the time) I felt that I had died too.
I am still dealing with feelings of abandonment and resentments but I am growing. I have faith that through working with my sponsor through the steps I will continue to heal each day. Somedays are better than others but that's the way it is. I am so glad that my program is based on progress not perfection.
I've been dreaming about my sister for about a week now. Always happy dreams where we are laughing and enjoying each other like we used to. Upon awakening it saddens me that those days are past. But I know that I have memories which will remain with me and I need to focus on those and not the loss.
My sister is dead, I am not. I believe that I survived through the grace of God and He has a purpose for me. My desire today is to seek what His will is and the power to carry it out.
Thanks for reading.

Rusty Zipper · 04-08-2009, 07:30 PM

mary, thanks for sharing a bit...

i relate a lot to the deaths of loved ones...

and as you, it was faith that carried me through...

people, are born, people get sick, people have tragic deaths...

babys, young, old, and all the in betweens...

we have been shown, we have a choice to go on if we want...

love you mary...

pattee

04-07-2009, 11:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
yukonm Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Yukon, Oklahoma Posts: 149	The Beginning of the End :ghug The beginning of the downward spiral that brought me to my last bottom was the death of my best girlfriend, my aunt, my godsister and my sister (my only sibling and surviving blood relative) all within a 2 month period. I never handled death well. When I lost all these people who were so close to me who were the only people left who had loved me unconditionally (or so I thought at the time) I felt that I had died too. I am still dealing with feelings of abandonment and resentments but I am growing. I have faith that through working with my sponsor through the steps I will continue to heal each day. Somedays are better than others but that's the way it is. I am so glad that my program is based on progress not perfection. I've been dreaming about my sister for about a week now. Always happy dreams where we are laughing and enjoying each other like we used to. Upon awakening it saddens me that those days are past. But I know that I have memories which will remain with me and I need to focus on those and not the loss. My sister is dead, I am not. I believe that I survived through the grace of God and He has a purpose for me. My desire today is to seek what His will is and the power to carry it out. Thanks for reading.

04-08-2009, 07:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
Rusty Zipper Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: my room in ct. Posts: 20,961	mary, thanks for sharing a bit... i relate a lot to the deaths of loved ones... and as you, it was faith that carried me through... people, are born, people get sick, people have tragic deaths... babys, young, old, and all the in betweens... we have been shown, we have a choice to go on if we want... love you mary... pattee __________________ *Rule 62*

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