| Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community |
Already registered? Login above ---^
To take advantage of all Posting, Chatting, Gaming, and all the features available at SoberRecovery, join the over 100,000 current members, and become a member of our supportive community today! Ads will no longer appear on the forums, once you register.
|11-08-2008, 11:47 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Northeast USA
Blog Entries: 7
My neighbor killed himself earlier this week and I'm struggling with it
I have been really struggling, not sleeping well and I just can't get this out of my mind. He lived across the street from me; we have kids the same age and I socialized quite a bit with his wife. I know they had money issues, and now I've found out that he was in and out of AA for 2 years. Apparently he got a DUI on the job (he drove for a living) on Thurs 10/30, then he killed himself early Monday morning.
This is hitting me hard in so many ways. First of all, I am currently going through a divorce from my AH, but suicide was something I was always sort of bracing myself for with him. I don't believe he is active right now, but he isn't in a program either. This tragedy has gotten us talking a bit about it (we still live in the same house). I asked him if it was anything he considered, and he didn't answer me... but he did say at another time that he would never do that to our kids.
The other thing is, I keep thinking about what must have been going through his mind. I know this is impossible, since he must not have been in any sort of rational state to do this, but I just see how devastated his wife is, and I think of his daughter who is only 6 and I wonder how the heck he could do this to them. I keep telling myself that he must have just been in so much pain that this was the only thing that could take away that pain... but still... And my other neighbor went in to the garage where it happened because his wife came out screaming, and she told me some gory details that I just can not get out of my head. Last night before bed I took out my Courage to Change al anon book and read some entries and prayed and prayed for God to take these thoughts away from me. Because I do believe he is now at peace and I will never, ever know or understand how he could do this. My house overlooks his house (we live in a circle) and I find myself just staring out the window and not being productive. Not to mention, I have my own divorce to deal with and I have some work I need to do for that that I've been avoiding and this has been something that has caused me to procrastinate on that.
Anyway, if you made it this long thank you. Since praying last night I do feel better, and I'm hoping that I sleep better tonight, too.
|11-08-2008, 12:12 PM||#2 (permalink)|
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Blog Entries: 36
What a tragedy. I will keep you and your neighbor's family in my prayers.
But I always think that the best way to know God is to love many things. ~Vincent van Gogh
|11-08-2008, 12:38 PM||#3 (permalink)|
with a new light in my eyes
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Prayers going up for your neighbors and you.
The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.
|11-08-2008, 12:54 PM||#4 (permalink)|
I love my Coastie and 44 MLB's
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Sometimes the pain is too great.
My prayers are with your neighbor.
I am so thankful for my sobriety
Dios me da la Sernidad
Para acceptar las cosas que no puedo cambiar
La fuerza para cambiar las que si puedo
y la Sabidura para reconocer la diferencia
|11-08-2008, 01:34 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Social Network Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2007
Prayers going up for you and all who loved him.
As someone who seriously contemplated suicide years ago, I can only tell you how I felt. I was drinking, and I seriously thought everyone would be better off without me. It was only after a friend DID commit suicide, leaving behind a wife and 10-year-old daughter he adored, that I realized how hurtful it is to those left behind, with unanswered questions.
I'm sorry for the pain you and your neighbor's are going through.
Hugs and prayers!
"I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer
"You got what it takes you can win, today is your day to begin. - Shania Twain
(Tinker, Elvis [RIP], Patches and Mots - Mouth Of The South)
|11-08-2008, 02:00 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Ph.D in insanity!!
Join Date: Sep 2008
My God is a loving God and I honestly believe that God looked upon his tired child and took him home. I'm sorry your heart is hurting and my thoughts and prayers reach out to your family and his. God will not leave him. Sometimes life just gets too hard for people and though we may not understand it I think accepting it helps heal.
Talk to his spirit, do something nice for their family like bake a dinner and send it over, ask if you could release balloons in honor of him. Suicide in our society is frowned upon by manys. That's a sad way to look at it. I don't see alot of them as victims. Sometimes people just get too tired and to run down and see no hope. These are the stories I hate to hear. Another one lost to alcoholism. I hope he is beside Jesus as we speak and no pain and finally has freedom.
God Bless you dear. Oh, and take your time on grieving. There is a grief share program at some churches you can attend and also there is a grief board online. I'll help you find it if you'd like. ^i^ that's an angel for you
|11-09-2008, 08:07 AM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Blog Entries: 2
When I make my list of "resentments" my friend who killed himself will be on it. Suicidal people sometimes think that they're not hurting anyone but themselves, because it's part of the illness not to understand your own value. They are wrong. Suicides leave a lot of wounded behind.
|11-09-2008, 02:19 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Hotel California
I've thought about doing it off and on most of my life. I know it is a selfish act. It goes against what I believe in which may be the only reason I haven't followed through with the idea.
I really can understand those that do though. I pray that God forgives them and that there suffering has truly ended and not just begun. This life can be difficult and painful but who really knows what is on the other side? We can believe what we believe but the only true way to find out is to pass over to the other side.
As someone who "survived" several DUI's one of which I actually checked myself in to a hotel with the intention of committing suicide, I know how bad we can beat ourselves up for "screwing up once again". I believe it is part of the disease and the disease wants us dead.
It really is a tragedy. I feel sorry for those he left behind.
I wish the family well.
Peace and Love
|11-09-2008, 11:50 PM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The Mountains
I just could not do this to my parents. I sometimes worry what I will do when I get older and they are long gone, but honestly now that I am getting clean, I have more hope that I can do something productive with my later years and will have other reasons to stay alive - an animal to take care of, volunteer work. something greater than myself to get involved in.
I suffer from bipolar disorder and I know I am in trouble with depression when I start having suicidal thoughts. In fact, they started as soon as fall/winter hit and the hours of daylight became less. But I got proactive and saw my doctor.
If worse ever came to worse again, I would check myself in somewhere and ask for ECT treatments if medications did not work. This happened when I was really in a bad state at 22 years old. Sad but true.
Just like any long-term illness, depression can be fatal and that is how it comes out - suicide. People die of cancer and depressives often take their own lives, even after a lengthy battle. One of my favorite writers, Virginia Woolfe killed herself. She just could not take the pain and believed that others were better off without her. That is also one of the symptomatic delusions of suicidal people.
What I sometimes find really selfish however, is leaving your loved ones to find you in a pretty gruesome state. That bothers me more than anything. But I really cannot judge that either since I have not been there.
All this is another reason why I am giving up weed. I need to see if I feel better without it. I can't afford not to give myself this chance.
Your neighbor must have been in great deal of pain when he did that. I used to have a terrible eating disorder and when I was 20 and had failed after a year of abstinence, I thought I would never recover and I just could not live that way and I made a serious suicide attempt. I am now years from that problem and grateful.
|11-10-2008, 07:32 AM||#10 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Hotel California
I've been praying more than ever asking for some relief. The economy and all the stuff happening in the world has really got me down. I've picked up my meetings and have a Doctor's apt to talk about my depression and the possibility of being Bi-Polar II.
While it is a tragedy when someone can't take the pain any longer I truly hope their suffering ends. The thought that it could be worse if I commit suicide has helped keep me from following through with it but there are still days when it seems like a good idea.
Last edited by Morning Glory; 11-10-2008 at 10:34 AM.
|11-10-2008, 02:56 PM||#11 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2008
I think that what this really shows is that no matter how many friends, children or family we have we only really ever understand ourselves.
No-one else really understands how desperate we feel. Not matter how hard we try, we can never really understand how lonely and sad another person feels.
I think we all walk our own path. Friends and family help us but really we are on our own. Some can continue but others cannot. They just want it to end. Whether this is right or wrong really does not matter. As soon as this happens it's all past. No point debating or trying to reason. Just time to let go.
The only learning point is to always be reminded of this and try as hard as we can to be a good brother, sister, son, mother or friend. But also to learn that we are all responsible for our own welfare and health. If someone seeks this way out, no matter how hard it is to swallow, we have to respect this choice.
Love to all those who are on their own.
|11-11-2008, 06:01 AM||#12 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2008
I lost my brother due to suicide 1/6/2002. It does leave a lot of damage behind for the survivors. My life has been devistated by his loss. What I try to do now is live my life to honor his. I have a long way to go until I feel that I am really doing that though.
It is a tragedy indeed...My prayers are with them.
|Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)|
|National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers |
| Drug Rehab |
Best Treatment Center |
Detox Center |
Residential Treatment Center |
Cocaine/Crack Treatment | Alcohol Rehab | Heroin/Oxycontin Treatment Center | Crystal Meth Treatment | Marijuana Treatment | Methadone Treatment | Suboxone Treatment
|Local Treatment Resources and Events |
| Alabama |
Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine
Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire
New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island
South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennesee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming
| || |