Birthdays; Upcoming Holidays....

[historyteach]

Here are just a few of my own personal thoughts on family traditions and rituals after the death of both parents. I don't know if they compare to yours, but, feel free to share whatever you have experienced, if you'd like.

My sister's birthday just past. I sent her a birthday card. Normally I never do so; our family isn't the kind that did those kinds of things. My mom would, but, the siblings didn't.

Well, mom's not here anymore. And I didn't want my sister's birthday to go unacknowledged by our family. Yes, she has a loving husband. It's not the same. So, I sent her a card. My brother's birthday is coming up at the end of the month. I will send him one too.

It's going to be hard to remember my 6 siblings birthdays! LOL! I've never had to do so. Guess I'm going to have to put them on my yahoo calandar, to get a reminder. I can't depend on my own mind, that's for sure!

But, I guess sending a card is one way of remembering my mom; of honoring her memory. Mom's birthday was just before my sister's. There was no gathering. It was just a day that passed, like any other day.... except for the memories and the feelings. It's been just over two months since she's died. Sometimes, it feels like yesterday....

I just sent out an email to my family members. I asked them if they wanted to gather together at mom's house for Thanksgiving. I offered to cook the turkey, dressing and gravey, and anything else needed. Whenever we gathered at mom's we all brought something, so that no one was overburdened. When she was healthy, mom cooked the turkey, dressing and gravey. She also cooked the mashed potatoes, but, I don't do them very well! LOL! I will cook them if I have to, though!

I guess this is another way to try and honor my mom. Family was everything to her. And it is to me, too. My family of choice didn't work out. My siblings are all I have left.

My other sister wants to finish burying the rest of mom's ashes in the garden on Thanksgiving. We saved some for this purpose. The rest went into the water with my dad's; we still have some of his too. Both will go into the garden together on Thanksgiving Day. It's a fitting day, I think. We all have so much for which to be thankful due to our parents.

I hope that my siblings want to get together. My aunt emailed and said she wanted to come. That's one! I was so glad to get her response. At the same time, tears fell. It was the first time since I heard from her since mom died. And it will be the first time I will see her, too, since mom's service at sea. So, there's lots of emotions going on internally.

I'll be going away during the December holidays. We have two weeks off from school, and I haven't had a vacation in three years. I'm taking advantage of the time available. So, we won't all be able to get together then.

The death of the final, remaining parent brings forward a lot of new issues. What will happen to the family? Will we remain intact? Will we drift apart? Will family tradition and rituals continue or will then end? And if they end, will they end suddenly, leaving another hole, or will they slowly trickle down, till they no longer exist. These questions linger; the unknown has it's own anxious moments.

And this anxiety only adds to our existing grief.

Shalom!

[Wolfstarr]

I feel that everything you said is a wonderful testament to your parents and your family...

The sending of birthday cards. That is so touching...and it shows that a part of your Mom lives on in you...whether you continue doing this or not, it proves your strong family connection.

Two months is not a long time and it can feel like yesterday...it's a process Teach and you are experiencing grief in the unique way that only historyteach can feel.

All that you have written is just so very open, honest and loving....your Mom had a wonderful daughter in you..
Hugs, dear heart.

[debmar]

Teach.....how the heck can I top Wolfy, lol, never....but how wonderful for you to realize how important your Mom was to your family and I just know your sisters and brothers are gonna be so touched by your reaching out to them, set aside from their own families, true it is not the same, nobody reached out to my husband in his family, he was the black sheep, and who wants to feel like that, so sweet of you, and that karma thing, I'm sure will come back to you for this....