1,095 Days....

[debmar]

Since I last saw your beautiful face....Oh Marty...how that number takes my breath away, it seems like you've been gone forever....people say to me about my loss, seems like yesterday, and although 3yrs is nothing, for a man I spent 25yrs with everyday we were never apart.....it is forever

It's one week past, and death and loss is such a numbers game in my head, I'm already telling myself, omg, were going on 4yrs, can't help it

What I have learned from such a monumental loss in my life.....at first, you are numb, and then when that wears off, it's your heart dropping to your stomach from reality that starts to settle in......

and HOW DO WE GO ON WITH OUT THEM?

LIFE...... We are built to survive the worst tragedy...THE FAMILY here has proven that, and doing what we have to do and the way we were raised pushes us through the day,

HOPE.....and KNOWING.....because WE know for SURE as I do, that WE will see our loved ones again, so many people wonder, does Heaven exist, and well Thanks to My ANGEL WOLFSTARR, I never forget that poem she posted about the 'THIN VEIL" that seperates us, and OMG, how that really mentally helps me make it through, I was falling hard in my grief when she posted that, and have many dark entries on here from the start,

PAIN....subsides....but NEVER goes away, the knowing, WE will never be together on this earth again, really does just about kill me inside, and I try really hard not to think that way,

Just reassuring myself, that Marty is my Angel and through him and God, they get my butt up everyday to face a new one is how I survive, and make sure I thank God for another day i made it through

Guilt....I have a deep guilt...going on living....progressing....living life...having laughs....although I talk to my Marty everyday, even if I'm in Best Buy, lol, being a widow ya talk to yourself, well, at least I do, or to Marty, and I have not a care to people around me, does'nt phase me, and I feel great that doing that really helps, I still have not lost my sense of humor through my pain....but I feel the guilt when having fun and living, I just do,

the landscape has changed, things we enjoyed, restaurants, stores, etc. all have closed and I just think to myself, that he is being erased to a degree,

and I work hard to not forget him in my daily work and activities

I want to share a conversation I had with a friend the other day, he had a business trip to Wisconsin, and he was driving back telling me about, he stayed at a place, he remembered his mother shopping in the gift shop, looking at all the fall colors, he remembered that his father, would always say, "Well it's that time of the year, the leaves are changing, are'nt they beautiful" and he said to me "What is life all about?" He said, "I guess nothing"

Ah!!! My reply was a no brainer, I told him LIFE IS ALL ABOUT MEMORIES....A Fond Memory from any moment in our lives that never leaves our mind and gives a moment of joy and a smile on our face....well that is priceless....

given to us from our loved ones to hold onto and cherish forever

All the horrible things that happened the last year of poor Marty's life.....I have to tell you not ONE event comes into my mind to this date, 3yrs later, and when I think or talk about him, I just remember all the good times now

It also would have been our 20th Wedding Anniversary on the 16 of Sept, he passed on the 29 of Sept,

I was talking to a lady, and I said to her, Wow, today is my 20th Anniversary, my husband and I would have been together 28 yrs total this year, and she said to me, Oh My Let me let you go celebrate with your husband, I said, "No Angela, he passed away 3yrs ago", of course she said sorry, I said that's ok and Thank You,

So my memory is so fond of My Life and Love for Marty, that hey, people think he's still here, LOL,

So, yes, I did learn something from that, I must get used to, It WOULD have been our 20th from now on

Being I did not have children, I tell everybody to create as many memories as you can, tons of pics and video, because when the unforseen end comes, that is all you are left with and it's priceless

Memories......well I have alot of us, and I must say, at this point, I can only for some reason see some pictures of him and I'm fine, but other pictures, NO I cannot sit down at look at, they still bring pain for right now to me, and I know I cannot watch the videos, but they are waiting for me...and I feel so blessed to have them...and the day I can really enjoy them

Well, God Bless you with me Marty on your 3rd anniversary in Heaven, you are missed more than life by me, and Thank You for giving me a lifetime of gifts to hold forever...what a lucky woman I am

I'm sorry to my family on here, I have strayed from here, I am still alone, and most days overwhelmed and struggling just to keep up, so please forgive me for not logging on to keep up with everybody,

I do have a website for Marty in cyberheaven, so I post all my feelings on holidays there, and I wanted to make sure I came back home here for his 3rd year

You are always included in my prayers everyday, and I NEVER EVER NEVER forget who is really responsible for my standing firm on my feet.......

IT'S ALL OF YOU........God Bless you and Thank You...

Debbie:ghug

[Hope]

(((Debbie)))

[deedee]

(((debbie)))

I remember when you first lost Marty and your courage and faith continues to be an inspiration. We will never forget them, but the memories are so dear and carry us far thru the pain. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and please know that love and prayers continue to surround you

[Wolfstarr]

(((((Deb))))) my dear heart...you always have Marty with you...
I love you and your sweet soul. Prayers continue for you always.

Mi poco paloma blanca, te amo….

Wolfstarr

[Done_With_It]

{{{Deb}}} {{{Marty}}}

Always in my thoughts and prayers...

[bluerskies]

Hi debmar -- I am so sorry for your loss. Your love is an honor to the kind of person Marty was.

Could you post WOLFSTARR's post that helped you so much? I have lost someone recently and could use a little help with the making it through part of things?

[Wolfstarr]

The Thin Veil
By Ellen M. DuBois

The thin veil that separates
makes me sit and contemplate.
You're no longer on the earthly plane.
I feel your presence, but, still the pain.

The thin veil between you and I-
gives me hope yet makes me cry.
Your life goes on in another space;
but, oh how I miss your sweet, sweet face.

Vibrations different here, they're low;
where you are I suppose you know
much more than I left here on earth-
You lived here once and were re-birthed.

I cannot touch you yet I hear your "mind."
I cannot not see you yet I know you're kind.
I cannot hug you yet I feel you care.
I cannot call you yet I know you're there.

What life do you live now in the heavenly realm?
Do you feel and touch? Do you get overwhelmed?
Are you happy now that you're with your love?
Do you hear my prayers to you above?

I can't imagine to be with the Divine.
I remember you left to get home in time.
Although I still cry at my loss in life-
I know you are happy; without grief and strife.

I take comfort in knowing you're there for me.
I know you are with me although I can't see.
You're an angel to me, as you were here before.
Please know that I love you still – forevermore


bluerskies, here is the poem...I hope it gives you comfort...
Deb. Love you....

[indigo]

(((Debbie)))