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03-26-2008, 07:39 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Ethical Anarchist  Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The 4th Reich
Posts: 104
| My One True Love Killed Herself It's been over three weeks now since I open my mailbox and found a letter from my ex-fiance. We had know each other for 11 years. I have never loved a person like I loved her. She completed me like no other person or substance has ever been able to. Our engagement ended three years ago. That was the last time that I had spoken to her so this letter was completely out of the blue. In the letter she told me that she had never quit loving me, that she was sorry, and that we will meet again in our next life. I don't understand why she killed herself. She was successful. She was happy and had many friends. She was a beautiful, caring individual. Three weeks it has been and it's finally sinking in. I'm crying so hard right now. A part of me thought that eventually we would reunite. We would marry and my life would be complete. I can still feel her in my arms. I can feel her warm touch, her taste, her smell, her aura. I can still feel her in my arms.... |
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__________________ There's a part of me you'll never know. The only thing I'll never show. | |
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| The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SpaceDementia For This Useful Post: |
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03-26-2008, 07:43 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| ZING  Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 5,309
| Any word I can put down is inadequate So very sorry for your loss |
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__________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU  WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD | |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to CAPTAINZING2000 For This Useful Post: | StayinAlive (03-26-2008)
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03-26-2008, 11:16 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: CA
Posts: 1,193
| I'm really sorry for your loss. I've found that depression alone can be the only reason for suicide. Sometimes depression just happens with no outside causes. You must have been really special to her for her to take the time to write you that letter. I know you must wish with all your heart that you could answer it. Grief can be unbearably painful at first. It gets harder before it gets better. No other pain reaches so deep within our hearts. The only hope I can give you is that I've gone through the pain of my husband's suicide and I survived it. I believe with all my heart you will see her again. Many hugs, Mg |
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__________________  Pro 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. | |
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03-27-2008, 09:00 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Bellingham, WA
Posts: 1,032
| That is so sad SD. *hugs* Have you ever seen the movie "Love Liza" It deals with the same kind of thing and might be therapeutic for you to watch if you get a chance, or anyone else who has gone through this kind of thing. Thinking of you SD..... |
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03-27-2008, 09:08 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| with a new light in my eyes  Join Date: May 2007 Location: A very busy place
Posts: 1,813
| Space, I can only imagine your pain. I am so sorry for your loss. |
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__________________ Don't fight with the pillow, but lay down your head And kick every worriment out of the bed. ~Edmund Vance Cooke | |
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03-27-2008, 09:35 AM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 179
| My heart goes out to you. This is a devastating loss. Deep grief is a lonely business -- but you are not alone. Others here know about and have compassion for the type of pain and sorrow you face. Thank you for sharing about her beautiful, sensitive spirit and about how deeply you love her. |
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__________________ Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Kahlil Gibran | |
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03-27-2008, 10:04 AM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 764
| SD I knew this was coming since you shared it with me privately. I knew it. And, of course, no words can assuage your pain. Nothing. Part of me feels glad, however. I was concerned for your stoicism. That's not who you really are. I hope part of you is f'ing angry as well. I told you that as well. I mean ANGRY! She knew that you were an addict. She knew the pain her letter would create. WTF?? Did she hope your next life to be now? Suicide is selfish. This seems like something else again. This is the ultimate test of serenity, my friend. Things we cannot change and will never understand. You must get to the acceptance point on that, otherwise... You know I'm here. So are others. I'm glad you got it out. I'm glad you are crying. This is "leaning" time. A time when you don't have to apologize. Might not be a bad idea to lean on someone with credentials as well. Even your estranged family. This is something you had no hand in causing. Grief can be a spectator sport. Wish I could say that you might turn this loss into a gain. But then I'm not god. For support, we are here, for meaning you will have to go a bit higher, I think. I love you... warren |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to warrens For This Useful Post: | MrsMagoo (03-27-2008)
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03-27-2008, 04:51 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 924
| (((SD))) I'm so sorry for this terrible loss and praying you find peace and comfort in the days ahead. |
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__________________  ~ While the light lasts I shall remember and in the darkness I shall not forget ~ | |
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03-28-2008, 04:33 AM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 10,518
| SD, I am so sorry to hear this. I can only imagine the pain you feel. Know that you are strong and can get through this and there are lots of people here who support you. |
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__________________ Anna  "I don't know what the future is holding in store I don't know where Im going, Im not sure where Ive been Theres a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I don't need to see the end." John Denver | |
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03-28-2008, 06:21 AM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Attitude of Gratitude  Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 1,210
| ((((SD)))) You had also shared your loss with me a few weeks ago. I know there isn't anything I can say to take away your pain. I'm not going to try to find words that aren't enough. Please know that I love you. I've shared with you that I have lost my Dad and my Sister. The pain and emptiness that the ones who were left behind fell seems unbearable at times. After the death of my loved ones, I had many well meaning people say things to me that made no sense whatsoever. I got very angry at many of them. But now, after time has passed, I realize that these things are so true. In time, the pain will get better. Since she took her life, she was obviously in a great deal of emotional pain. When my Dad and Linda died, some folks would tell me that they were in a better place, at least they weren't feeling any more pain.This well meaning expression that was shared with me really sent me through the roof. I wanted them back here with me! What do you mean they're in a better place? In time, I was able to realize how true these things are. It's only when the loss of them in our lives and the hopes we had for the future were still so new that the pain seemed unbearable. As far as the pain goes, this too shall pass. I love you, Judy aka Udder Mudder  |
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__________________  "It's Great to be the Queen!" | |
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03-28-2008, 09:00 PM
| #16 (permalink) |
| On a tear  Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,157
| I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. Please know you are not alone.... continue to share, as much as you can/need to. Prayers going up for your love, and for you. (((...))) |
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__________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis | |
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03-31-2008, 10:32 PM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: some where / no where
Posts: 945
| (((SD))) I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I came to this forum for my own grief. Reading about other people's grief makes me realize that I'm not alone. Your story has touched me, and I will pray for you tonight. I'm so sorry for the loss of your love...I hope you will find some peace. chip |
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__________________ One Day At A Time..... | |
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04-02-2008, 01:18 PM
| #18 (permalink) |
| I have a no no & will use it  Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3,323
| so sorry for you and your friend - she must have been in a lot of pain. praying for you that as you deal with all your emotions concerning this that you feel the comfort, love and support of your "recovery" family and your HP. Rita |
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__________________ HP, if my prayer limits Your will and Your plan for my life, please disregard my request. Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. Courage to Change pg 346 | |
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