Thought this might be useful to share

[nandm]

"My dear mother, sisters and brother comforted me, but their comfort only increased my sorrow and poured more oil on the fire, so that the flames grew ever higher."
---Gluckel of Hamelin

Dealin with Death

Dealing with the death of a loved one can be made more difficult by the attempts at reassurance made by others. For example, "Now you know he/she wouldn't have wanted you to feel this way" is the guilt-inducing statement often expressed by well-meaning friends to help you handle your grief. "You should be grateful you had him/her for so long" denies that you can feel anger and resentment over losing precious moments with your loved one. "Don't feel bad" tells you to suppress or bury your feelings. "On Saturday we'll get you a new dog' assumes that you can simple replace or forget about your trusted friend. And "It's God's will" or "God never gives you more than you can handle" rarely provides the comfort you truly need---that of validation, identification, and understanding that you're not the only person who has ever gone through what you're enduring.

What such inappropriate or ineffective responses to grief show us is that most people are ill prepared to offer soothing, comforting words during times of distress. In fact, it's often much easier for people to deal with minor accidents or even major surgery than it is to deal wiht the grief caused by death. People often don't know what to say, how to say it, or when to say it.

But, since it's only natural and even quite healthy to seek solace from others when you're mourning someone's death, you need to carefuly select whom you choose to provide that comfort. Anyone who has lost a loved one in the recent past might be an ideal sounding board for your emotions or you grief. Seek out this person, and then be open to accepting words of understanding and empathy.

I mourn my loss with someone who truly understands.

Facing Life's Challenges, by Amy E. Dean