Dream

[greeteachday]

I had a dream last night that I need to get out just because it triggered some emotions.


As dreams go, it was one of those where I don’t recall what lead up to how I got where I was, but I dreamt I was in some room…rather small and enclosed in a line of people. There was some sort of display that was put together by the Public Relations section where I work and people were lining up to see it. I have no idea why, nor why it was P R …none of that makes sense in the “real” world. Anyway, when it came time for me to see, there were all these collages of Kristen, my daughter who died, pictures from when she was a little girl, around 2 years old from the way I “saw” the vision of her in my dream and the outfits she was wearing…dresses I remember having for her (she looked so adorable in those little toddler dresses...dressed like an angel but running around getting into things like a little whirlwind) The pictures were beautiful and showed her “in action” doing all the things she would do as a little girl; she was so full of life and spunky and inquisitive. I started crying uncontrollably and then I woke up…crying uncontrollably like this grief was new. I’m tearing up just writing this but I want to get it out so I can get past it.

I realized, after waking up like this and having such a “good” cry, that there is a part of me that I guess is deep down that still has this raw grief, even though 18 months has past. I think maybe my subconscious needed to bring it to the surface a little again just to let it out, so it doesn’t fester. I know my tendency is to stuff emotions, and I have faced problems in the past as a result, so this is probably a healthy thing. At the same time, a part of me wishes that this was not all a dream and that I had those beautiful pictures…As I am writing this, I am realizing, they are really simply pictures in my mind…treasured memories that I WILL always have, and that is good. At least that is how I am viewing it, does that make sense?

[deedee]

(((greet)))

Wish I could give you a hug in person, but I’m sending big cyber hugs. I think your dream is a gift in that it’s brought back fond memories … perhaps ones you haven’t thought of lately. At the same time, it’s a reminder of what has been lost … and a great loss it is. It’s only been 18 months and I think in some ways, the second year is harder than the first. I know in my own mind, I’ve put limits on what is an acceptable length of grieving … at least what I show to the outside world. But in reality, we will grieve the loss of our children for the rest of our lives.

I’m not a dreamer … or at least I don’t remember very many of my dreams. For a long time, I longed for Jason to come to me in my dreams. It didn’t happen and eventually I accepted it probably never would, but then every once in awhile, I get this intense yearning and beg God to let me dream of him and remember. I’ve had one unsettling dream of him, just last week, so I’m still waiting for a good one and I know it would be the best gift I could receive.

You really do have those beautiful pictures to carry with you and perhaps this was Kristen’s way of getting your attention. I know the emotions are tough, but I hope the memories bring you comfort and peace.

love & prayers ~

deedee

[1963comet]

That broke my heart to read.

After my husband died, for 3 years I kept having the same dream. I would dream that he faked his death. And that he was living happy and I found out and went and confronted him.

That was a really weird dream. Maybe deep down I was not excepting his death or something.

I pray that you will have peace.

[stonewolf]

(((((((((Greeteachday)))))))))))) wow how lovely for you to have had a visit from your little one. Perhaps she came in her little girl way to remind you of her trust and her innocence. She is gleeful in your recovery and trusting that you will maintain your spiritual connection. Her innocence, may just be a reminder to you in this life, that, when we take spiritual responsibility (I am a child of God, I AM worth it) all of the "past" is forgiven and only freedom and growth remain..... (think of a child, what are there two most important teachings> freedom, (no worries) live each moment to the fullest, and growth.

I wish you well
In spirit, Stonewolf

[Josie]

That brought tears to my eyes Greet.

What a sweet wonderful dream of your beloved Kristin.

Mom to Mom hugs

[indigo]

I too have had dreams (very real) of my loved one's who have moved on and to me it is a blessing, althought they are a little disconcerting I like to feel we have them when we need them. And with yours being positive perhaps Kristen is helping with your grief. hugs dearheart.