In Memory

[deedee]

of my beautiful son Jason, gone 3 long years today.
I've thought so many times of that day ... and would give anything to have it to do over.
To see his smile, feel his touch, hear his voice ... just once more.
The more time that passes, the farther away he seems ... except in my heart,
where he will always be and I will never, ever forget.


6/28/77 ~ 2/2/05


~ February Song, by Josh Groban ~

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes ...

YouTube - Josh Groban - February Song

[1963comet]

I am sorry for your loss.

[CatsPajamas]

((deedee))

Once again, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I always struggle with the fact that although he is no longer in pain, you will always have pain that remains.

Big hugs from mom to mom
Cats

[DesertEyes]

deedee, have a big (((( hug ))))

You, and Jason's soul, are in my prayers every day.

Mike

[Josie]

I know Deedee. There is much I wish I could do over.

Three years. It doesn't seem possible.

I just know we are going to see our boys again.

Happy Birthday Jason.

Sending my love and hugs Deedee

[barb dwyer]

*prayers for DeeDee and for Jason*

[best]

Originally Posted by deedee

... except in my heart,
where he will always be and I will never, ever forget.

Memories of the heart can have a way of bringing smiles.
I pray that your memories are many so that you will have many smiles.

[BigSis]

Deedee.... (((bighugs))) You loss of your Jason hit me very hard three years ago... dang, has it really been that long?

I so admire the strength of your love for him, of your faith, and your recovery.

Thank you for sharing him with us.


(((Jason)))

[indigo]

(((Deedee))) it's 3 years already and they must have been 3 very long ones for you. I will light a candle for Jason today. I admire and respect your love and strength and how you help so many other people who have found themselves bereft and despairing, you have helped me more than you will know. It is your day and Jasons and the rest of your familiy's. I wish you peace and joy when you think of your beloved Jason.

hugs Annie

[Wolfstarr]

((((((deedee)))))))

Three years. They pass so quicky, yet sometimes seem like an eternity....
I feel the same as Indigo; you have helped me through some very rough times and so many others...You are a light in my life and I want you to know...you and Jason are never far from my thoughts.
Thank you deedee:

Only he who suffers
can be the guide and healer
of the suffering.

-- Thomas Mann

You are a healer...

[deedee]

I want to thank you all for continuing to lift me up, as you have so often these past years. I honestly don't know where I would be without this place ... I have so often wanted to just give up.

Time softens the edges, but the pain and horror of my son's death is always there. After 3 years of being in limbo, I feel I'm at a crossroads, just trying to figure out what to do next, so that Jason's death won't be in vain. I've been thinking about getting involved in Suicide Awareness ... never realizing before how many lives are lost this way ... and the thousands of mourners who are left behind, trying to understand why. So I pray for acceptance and peace and the motivation to do something, anything to make a difference.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference ... Amen

[Anna]

Deedee,

It does seem like time has flown by, though I'm sure it seems like such a long time for you and your family.

You are always an inspiration to me.

[indigo]

(((Deedee)))

[greeteachday]

(((((Deedee))) Thinking of you and praying for you and Jason too. I hope that the weekend was not too difficult for you and that your memories of your loving son warm you.
You are making a difference right here, with the compassion, friendship, support and strength you offer to all at SR. I know that you will be open to wherever HP leads you next. Hugs

[cmc]

{{{deedee}}}}
With love and some extra hugs, my thoughts & prayers on your behalf are for even more strength and serenity than you have shown to so many here on SR. Whatever you decide to do as you consider your future, you will impact those around you and that is a most wonderful tribute to your son. jmho...as long as you continue to just 'be you' Jason's life and his passing will never be in vain.

[mywifeisatpeace]

Originally Posted by best

Memories of the heart can have a way of bringing smiles.
I pray that your memories are many so that you will have many smiles.

memories od sometimes make us smile. but i find they make me cry more because there will be no more memories to be made. deedee i feel for your loss. time seems to stand still when in reality it flies by.:ghug

[Rusty Zipper]

{{{miss deedee}}}

[velvet42]

“A Pair of Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author unknown

Thinking of you deedee and your family, Jason lives in your heart

[deedee]

(((velvet)))

I've never seen this before and it's all so true. I'm at a point where I can say that life is good again ... not the same as I am not the same, but there is joy again. I think that December and January will always be hard months for me ... a time when I beat my head most against the wall of acceptance. But today, I can think of Jason with a smile and a tear, and a warm sense that his presence is with me wherever I go.

thank you ...

[Morning Glory]

Lots of hugs deedee.

If you never ventured past this site Jason's death would not have been in vain. I don't think you know how many others you help. Your courage to stay here with us and share your grief process openly gives us all hope and courage. The many times my son has faced possible death I looked to all of you and borrowed your courage. It has probably kept me alive during those times when I could not find the ability to cope.

Thank you for being here.

[Spiritual Seeker]

deedee- Feb. is a day longer this yr. One extra day in this difficult month to remember honor and grieve for your beloved son, Jason. May he rest in peace.

[serenityqueen]

deedee,

I'm an addict/alcoholic who, by the Grace of God, have been able to live free from the obsession of drugs & alcohol for over 2 1/2 years. I have a 19 year old Son who I am so grateful to say is a "normie" I know the pain my disease has caused me naturally, but I can't even begin to fathom the pain of losing a child, much less to this horrible disease. I know for years I felt so helpless in my addiction and I can't imagine how that sense of helplessness is magnified when you are looking at your child. I know how helpless I would feel (and I have to admit, still do) when my Son was/is sick and I cannot wave my "magic Mommy wand" and make him better. I am unable to find words to express how very sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful son, Jason. I applaude you for sharing your grief, along with experience, strength and hope with us. When I read threads such as yours, I am able to look at, with more depth, how extensive the pain had to be that my Mom felt when I was using. Of course, I never thought about that when I was using. I thought that everyone just needed to leave me be. Oh, how many times I would say to my Mom that I wasn't doing anything to hurt her, why was she "on my back" all the time. This thread, as well as others that Courageous Parents have shared, have opened my eyes so much more to the suffering this disease causes those who love us.

I thank you for this thread.

God Bless,
Judy