My friend drank himself to death at only 35

[Giff]

I want to say goodbye to my friend. I dont know how this happens to be honest. I am a recovering addict and over the years i have known many people die of overdose, septic injecting wounds, driving wrong way up motorways off their heads, beaten to death, suicide and the list goes on.
But somehow i cant get my head around the fact that my friend drank himself to death. I mean just how does that happen??? I know that his liver gave out and through excessive consumption. But just how much alcohol must one consume to drink themselves to death at such a young age????

This friend was my first love. I remember him 18yrs old and full of boyish charm. We dated when i was just 16, then again when i was 19 and again at 23. I used to think that one day i would marry this lad one day if we just got the timing right. But the timing never was right. We could just never, ever get clean at the same time. I was in recovery, he was in relapse, i was in relapse, he was clean and thats how it went on. He wasnt a drinker then, he was a smack head like me. It took me a long time to clean up and by the time i did he was already dead. I didnt know. I thought he was somewhere doing meetings and charming the world. Thats where he had been last time i saw him you see. 3 yrs clean and amazing.

I see my friend in peoples faces all over. I dream of him a lot too. In my dreams he is still young, charming and flirtatious. He holds my hand and makes me feel good. He wants me to run away with him. I tell him that while i love you deeply and have never stopped looking for your face i will not leave with you. I did marry someone else and my husband while not a charmer is a good, handsome and dependable man. I will not risk this for you.

It is sometime on now since i was told about his death and it is like it is not real. I just cant imagine how that happened. He got a job as a manager of a bar. How does that happen even! How does someone in NA recovery wind up in charge of a bar??? What sort of madness was that. I am frustrated that i wasnt there to stop it. Too shake him and hold him and tell him to stop.

I feel selfish for feeling so sad about a tragic waste of someone so beautiful when i know that there are people on this boards really going through some terrible loss. Knowing also that his parents must be living unimaginable hell as they lost both their sons to this horrid disease. His brother died of heroin overdose some years before. I have no right to be so self-indulgent with my feelings.

And i am not really. I am just really posting here to say goodbye my darling friend. I hope you have now found peace and understanding. My love to big bro' too.

[barb dwyer]

*prayers* for you both.

[Spiritual Seeker]

Addiction is deadly. It kills , it destroys and it ruins.
So very sorry that you lost someone dear to you.
It sounds like you are sober today. The best way to honor your friend is to overcome.

[mtnmagic]

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you go on to shine the bright light of recovery in honor of both of you and all that are struggling to turn their life around. Thank you for your post.

[Giff]

Thank you all for the kind words.

Posting here and getting that out of my head helped. No wonder i have been struggling with it. I was trying to make sense of the senseless.

[supporter11]

I can't believe I read you post and it is very similar to my situation. I have known this man off and on for 9 years. We had a short fling, then away and back again away and back again. The last we were together I supported him through his in patient re-hab. He came out sober looking very healthy I thought. He told me his tests were good but now I think that wasn't truthful. After he got out we spent some quality time together-so much in common except he was an alcoholic and I don't drink. During the last 6 months we were close he was also seeing someone else and always said he couldn't see one person exclusively but he spent so much more time with her at her home out of state. I was the local girl. I decided that the relationship couldn't go anywhere because of the other woman so I told him I couldn't see him anymore. I didn't say he couldn't call or email which he did a few times. I tried to detach. I never judged him, never nagged at the drinking. When he relapsed, I never ranted or raved, just expressed my disappointment. In January I told him it was time for final closure. I thought after rehab in June he was doing OK because I knew he was still peforming. Turns out I was wrong. He got sick in March and died shorty after on March 30th. I will always feel that if I had only continued the relationship maybe he wouldn't have gone back to the bottle. The memorial service was very comforting in that the minister said no one could have prevented this final outcome. He was 61, a very talented, wonderful, caring person but I had to detach for me and now I have to deal with the loss and grieve fro however long it takes. I know I did all I could for him. He drank heavilty for 40 years and was in denial for 35 of those 40 years. I miss him and have missed him terribly these last 9 months.

[sailorjohn]

Originally Posted by Giff

I want to say goodbye to my friend. I dont know how this happens to be honest. I am a recovering addict and over the years i have known many people die of overdose, septic injecting wounds, driving wrong way up motorways off their heads, beaten to death, suicide and the list goes on.

But somehow i cant get my head around the fact that my friend drank himself to death.

I feel selfish for feeling so sad about a tragic waste of someone so beautiful when i know that there are people on this boards really going through some terrible loss.

I am just really posting here to say goodbye my darling friend. I hope you have now found peace and understanding. My love to big bro' too.

I think part of the problem might be survivors' guilt. Why do I have recovery when someone I care about so deeply doesn't? I know I've had it at on at least one occasion. My sincere condolences for your loss.

[indigo]

Prayers coming your way for your loss.