No one understands.....

[Pepsifreek007]

at least that is what I think people think when I talk about my brother that committed suicide 12 years ago. It still hurts but now I understand how he must have had no feelings or thought to what he was doing he just wanted the pain to stop. He had tried it before but failed and there was nothing on this earth even me who could have stopped him.

[1963comet]

I understand how you feel. You never just stop loving someone after they are gone. My husband died of cancer in 1990, he was only 26. At the end he wanted to die because he was tired and in pain.

I still think of him often.

I'm am so sorry.

[best]

It isn't so much that no one understands. It is more of... people don't know how to handle such emotions at times.

Yikes...what do I say? How do I bring comfort?

As for those of us who have lost others that way... we understand to the point of our own loss.

Still some 10 years after I lost a good friend... I still remind myself...
Unless I could stay awake 24 hours a day, every day...there is no way I could have stopped what was. The lost feeling and pain was more then my friend could handle. I could try and comfort his emotions but only he could accept and use what was offered. My hands were tied to do anything.

We don't cause it.
We can't control it.
But we can remember them in our hearts and carry happy thoughts of their lives with us.

[nandm]

Unfortunately, today way too many people have experienced the loss of someone through suicide.

My SO lost her brother to suicide when she was a year sober. There is still not a day that goes by that she does not think of him and it has been nearly 8 years since then. There are days when she hears the phone the first thought that comes into her head is he is calling. She has lost two brothers to suicide. The first one was over 20 years ago.

I do agree that suicide for many is just wanting the pain to stop and not knowing how to stop it or believing it can be stopped any other way. I have been on the verge of it myself. The only thing that saved me was being able to muster that small amount of hope that maybe if I held out for one more day there might be a better answer.

My avatar is a wolf in honor of my SO's brother, the one that committed suicide when she was a year sober. The drugs and alcohol had him so far down he could not find any hope. It is also to help me remember how many do not recovery from the disease of depression and addiction.

You are not alone by any means. I can not say you will ever stop remembering but I do believe that eventually there is a way to find peace with what has happened. I like to believe that those that have passed become a part of the universal energy that is all around us so they are never really gone from our lives. Just my thoughts.

[indigo]

(((pepsi)))

[Pepsifreek007]

for your input. I understand now but I just wish the pain would go away but not the memory of him. I'm thinking it hurts so much now because this is the month of the year he died. So much wishing I did not have to deal with this pain every January that comes around. I also wish that I could just let it out when I feel like it but other people around me can't handle me venting or letting it out. My husband has a hard time with it dealing with my sadness but I have to or it really gets me down. I am thinking that he does'nt understand how I feel.... or does'nt know how to handle it. I remember I had this dream of him we were getting ready to leave a hotel or something and he turns around and goes to the bathroom but he never returns. I kept waitng though and as I was waiting I was packing my clothes away ready to leave but he never came back. I woke up feeling lousy .. something like a heavy lonelyness.

[Wolfstarr]

(((((pepsi))))) thinking of you. January is a hard time for my family, too...

[Spiritual Seeker]

The grieving proces is complex and profound and it takes how ever long that it takes.
There is a new 2007 paperback book written by Judy Collins you may fiind helpful:
The Seven T's - Finding hope and healing in the wake of tragedy
January is a tough month, but this too shall pass

[deedee]

(((pepsi)))

You are not alone, but I know how lonely it feels. My son also died by suicide ... it will be 3 years on February 2 and the month before is always one of darkness and despair for me. I know I isolate, but seem powerless to get past that and the what if's and should have's come back to haunt me. It helps me to know that once the date is past, there will be relief that I survived another anniversary and I move back towards acceptance that my child is gone and my life will be forever defined by that.

I'm so sorry that you know this pain, but it is a loving tribute to your brother that his memory and your love shine on. I'm holding you both in my heart and prayers

[Pepsifreek007]

for you all who also have had to live with this pain for it seems like forever at times, but when it goes away it's like the sun coming out from a long absence. I am feeling better today because I am not alone in this. Thank you again.