For My Marty,

[debmar]

Happy Holidays to the best friends one could ever hope for.......I love you all!!!!

I made a cyberheaven site for Marty and I post my feelings and thoughts on there always, my baby has had 982 visitors in one yr since I made the site, I do encourage anybody to make one, it is very comforting to me this site and I'm proud that so many people I don't even know visit

In response to DeeDee's post it is true that our hp keeps us going on and gets us up for another day, I feel my Angel Marty lifts me up out of the bed to face another day without him

My Mom said to me the other day, I'm decorating for Christmas honey and I know you hate Christmas now, and I have to say she taught me something about the holidays, she told me Debbie you have to enjoy and embrace the holidays for the ones you love that are still alive, and I really listened and I do cringe at the Christmas music I admit, but I will be happy because for the ones I love it is the right thing to do

People tell me, Deb you have all the great memories, and this is true, and I don't want to bring anybody down, but honestly, I can't think about the good memories that much yet, because knowing we will never have them again, just takes my breath away

It's so strange we go through the shuffle of what we have to do everyday and there is a automatic clock inside of us at the holidays that just brings everything back, so I have been crying like crazy, and so busy with life and living I get angry when I don't have the time to sit and be still and connect with Marty

And the things that go through my mind, sometimes take over me, and fill my grief cup under it runneth over, when I posted on Marty's site, just to write the simple words your 3rd Thanksgiving in Heaven, make my heart skip a beat

but through the Grace of God, it does pass and onto life again, and wow, when you lose your love it's constantly a numbers game in your mind, of how long it's been, I don't like that feeling

A shout out to my Angel, Wolfstarr, this Angel pops up in my life just when I need her, thank you so much for teaching me about Marty and I being "twin flames", your an amazing woman, don't know where I'd be without you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anybody interested in viewing Marty's site, just email me on here, and I do suggest making one for yourself and the money gets donated to the Red Cross too,

I made Marty's site not about how he died, but about how wonderful of man he was and to celebrate his life and all he did

Happy Thanksgiving Marty, I love you baby and miss you so.........................

[Wolfstarr]

((((((Deb)))))))

You are yourself an amazing woman. You continue to work through your grief and feel.

Letting ourselves feel and not avoiding what is in our hearts and minds is essential to working through and eventually feeling some sort of peace.

We never forget our loved ones. My father died over 45 years ago. My sister in law died tragically at age 32 in 1980. My stillborn granddaughter still brings a tear to my eye as to what might have been. Among other loved ones and dealing with grief over other losses not associated with death, one can become consumed.

I think your site on Marty is an awesome tribute to him and his memory. As you said, seeing what others have written and the support you get is an immeasurable comfort. The numbers game you mention is always there for me, but it isn't there all the time. It will subside...the continuous thinking and dwelling.

Bless you and yours and I pray that you look upon this holiday season with a feeling that our loved ones never leave us. Either through memory or their spirit, they are always here.

Love you Deb.

[deedee]

(((Deb)))

Just sending some extra hugs and prayers