already grieving... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

scootinbabe · 06-11-2007, 08:31 PM

my best friend of the last 25 years is committing a slow suicide refusing all fluids and food. this following a stroke that left her partially paralyzed, with speech and sight complications. she is on hospice at day 15 today.

my grieving has begun. the hard part right now is the struggle with my own horror at the situation and the sadness that my beautiful, spirited, funny, smart friend has left my life already. it is hard to watch someone die slowly. day by day wondering what new developments will happen--hallucinations? bad dreams? dry heaves? sunken eyes? worried every time the phone rings. and knowing that i'm 100 miles away and can't be with her around the clock like i actually would like to be. holding her hand and being there when she wakes confused and disoriented. i absolutely can not tolerate the thought that she is alone--absolutely alone--most of the day/night. her family visits for a few hours daily, but it's not enough in my humble opinion.

i'm trying to turn it over to God--third step it. but it is tough. i have a family with three small children and a largely absent spouse and school is out. i have my sobriety. but darn, i wish i could help her. this helplessness really sucks and i know that i'm supposed to be learning from it but it really sucks.

i have accepted her plan. i understand her decision. i just wish i could be there to comfort her...

don't know what else to say...just needed to get some of this out. i'm sad. depressed. isolating. obsessing. but i know that she will die within the next month.

i'm sad that so many of my memories--nearly 10 years--basically all involve her since she and i were college roommates and after... after she is gone, there is no one else with whom to reminesce. no one else who remembers the me i was then.

indigo · 06-12-2007, 01:22 AM

Scoot I'm so very sorry for what is happening, I offer my hope that the end will be peaceful and you will find strength to cope, what a wonderful friend you are to her....she will know it, hearing is the last sense to go, so keep on talking to her.

indie

deedee · 06-15-2007, 07:27 PM

(((scoot)))

Sending prayers for your dear friend and for you ... this must be so difficult for everyone concerned. Life-long friendships are a gift, and I'm sure she cherishes it just as you do. She knows you're there for her, if not physically, then in spirit.

peace & prayers ~

deedee

hopeOct31 · 06-15-2007, 08:39 PM

I am so sorry. I have you and your best friend in my prayers. Hopeoct31

Wolfstarr · 06-17-2007, 03:26 PM

(((((((Scoot))))))))

BigSis · 06-22-2007, 02:33 PM

(((prayers)))

06-11-2007, 08:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
scootinbabe Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: road to recovery Posts: 1,687 Blog Entries: 5	already grieving... my best friend of the last 25 years is committing a slow suicide refusing all fluids and food. this following a stroke that left her partially paralyzed, with speech and sight complications. she is on hospice at day 15 today. my grieving has begun. the hard part right now is the struggle with my own horror at the situation and the sadness that my beautiful, spirited, funny, smart friend has left my life already. it is hard to watch someone die slowly. day by day wondering what new developments will happen--hallucinations? bad dreams? dry heaves? sunken eyes? worried every time the phone rings. and knowing that i'm 100 miles away and can't be with her around the clock like i actually would like to be. holding her hand and being there when she wakes confused and disoriented. i absolutely can not tolerate the thought that she is alone--absolutely alone--most of the day/night. her family visits for a few hours daily, but it's not enough in my humble opinion. i'm trying to turn it over to God--third step it. but it is tough. i have a family with three small children and a largely absent spouse and school is out. i have my sobriety. but darn, i wish i could help her. this helplessness really sucks and i know that i'm supposed to be learning from it but it really sucks. i have accepted her plan. i understand her decision. i just wish i could be there to comfort her... don't know what else to say...just needed to get some of this out. i'm sad. depressed. isolating. obsessing. but i know that she will die within the next month. i'm sad that so many of my memories--nearly 10 years--basically all involve her since she and i were college roommates and after... after she is gone, there is no one else with whom to reminesce. no one else who remembers the me i was then.

06-12-2007, 01:22 AM	#2 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Scoot I'm so very sorry for what is happening, I offer my hope that the end will be peaceful and you will find strength to cope, what a wonderful friend you are to her....she will know it, hearing is the last sense to go, so keep on talking to her. indie __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

06-15-2007, 07:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
deedee Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Faith~Hope~Love Posts: 933	(((scoot))) Sending prayers for your dear friend and for you ... this must be so difficult for everyone concerned. Life-long friendships are a gift, and I'm sure she cherishes it just as you do. She knows you're there for her, if not physically, then in spirit. peace & prayers ~ deedee __________________ ~ While the light lasts I shall remember and in the darkness I shall not forget ~

06-17-2007, 03:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
Wolfstarr Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Deeeep South Posts: 767	(((((((Scoot)))))))) __________________

06-22-2007, 02:33 PM	#6 (permalink)
BigSis On a tear Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country! Posts: 3,240	(((prayers))) __________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis

06-15-2007, 08:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
hopeOct31 Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Indiana Posts: 35	I am so sorry. I have you and your best friend in my prayers. Hopeoct31

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