Very Angry

[beedfreek]

I learned some devastating news tonight. I went to WallyWorld and ran into someone I used to work with there, and was informed that my daughter-in-law was already going out with men, flirting with men, and giving any man that would take it her phone number. She told this person she was doing it to "keep from mourning Rex"!!!!! This was very upsetting to me, as my son has only been gone a little bit more than a month. No wonder we haven't been able to see our grandbabies since the funeral and she won't return our calls. What a heartless bxcth!!! I don't know whether to tell my husband & the rest of my family about this or not. I appreciate any advice you can give. Thanks.

Robin

[BigSis]

(((Robin))) I cannot imagine how difficult it was to hear that... but I would urge you to remember -

You don't know it is true... since Robin didn't tell you, and you didn't witness it...it is more in the range of "gossip".

We all greive differently, and yeah... I have seen similar behavior. Some women cannot... CAN not be alone. Their men define them. When that support is knocked out from under them, the results can be what you see.

My brother's wife had a man at her house from the day he died. His "best" friend was there "helping". Eventually, he helped himself into the bedroom and into about $10,000 of her money. After about a year, she woke up and kicked him out... and got back about half the money.

It made me angry - the guy was with her at the funeral and everything - but I do know that she could not... COULD not face the world without the support of a man.

Today, she is better... but she still is with a man. A better man, and one who is willing to marry her... but still...

Since you do have the grandbabies, and she has the power - I wouldn't jeopardize that with judgments. The babies need you now more than ever.

I wish you the best. (((hugs)))

[Time2Surrender]

I am sorry for your loss. My condolances. We all greive in our own way. It may not be right to judge her actions. When my fiance was killed (3 weeks before our wedding day) I was devasted. Maybe she wasnt my wife yet, but we were as good as married. I dont think it was even a month before I went out. I went through a lotta guilt for this. I wondered if she was watching me. I was trying to fill a void. A void of the companionship taken from me when the police showed up at my house to inform me my soulmate was dead. And yes, I went out. Her Mom also freaked out when I did this. Bad enough where she ended up in the Mental Ward. More guilt for me. She evenually came around, and I evenually took the time to grieve. Her Mom and I became best friends. We shared a bond. She lost her only daughter and I lost the woman I planned on spending my life with. Someone we both loved very much. I dont think its right to call her a heartless bitch. Now the Grand children thing isnt right. All I can say is be there for her and pray for her. I doubt your son would want you angry at her.

[Morning Glory]

Robin,

I'm very sorry for your loss. If I were you I would wait and not do anything right now. I would try to keep things as peaceful as possible so you are not completely cut off from your grandchildren. Vent and yell and scream here or write your feelings down.

Give it some time before you act on your anger and emotional pain. I know that's easier said than done.

Many hugs,
MG

[indigo]

Robin
I agree with the others don't do anything in haste, you are still reeling from the shock and so must your DIL? people do all kinds of things that go against their nature when they are in shock, also hearsay can often be simply not the way it really is, listen to your heart. In my opinion the woman who told you maybe should have thought before she spoke.
I am so sorry for your loss.
hugs indigo

[deedee]

(((Robin)))

I would be very upset too, but as the others suggested, please wait before you act (or re-act). Your emotions are so raw right now and I know at this stage, I didn't trust my perception of anything.

I hope you can manage a sit-down with your DIL to clear the air. Whether the news you heard is true or not, and whether you agree or not, she will grieve as she needs to. To me, the most important thing would be a continuing relationship with the grandkids. I have grandsons thru my younger son and because of his addiction and behavior at the time, I've eaten a lot of humble pie to maintain contact with the little ones. It was worth it, as we have a strong bond today.

Keep taking care of yourself (((Robin)))

[beedfreek]

My apologies. When I first heard this, I was so angry I couldn't stand it. Thank all of you for your kind, calm words to calm me down. I've been thinking of my DIL's life. Her parents never seemed to want her, they practically threw her off on my son when she was only 15, and Rex, of course, took her in. She was always good to him, even though he drank heavily and is a good mother to her children. She has more patience with them than Job, imo. I just wish I could let her know that she and her children are always welcome here, but she won't return our calls.