Almost two years - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Debbie · 08-27-2006, 03:23 AM

Funny how we always come back. I used to "work" here kind of lol Then my husband died......he was an alcohol/drug user. He was doing really well right before he died so it was a total shock when it happened.

The folks here got me through so many sleepness nights and helped me through when he passed.....then I tried to forget every thing. Guess what I never forgot the people here who are so much like family, never far from my mind......but trying to push everything out of my head made me think maybe I could move on. I have so been trying to move on.......

Its coming up on two years of his death.....the pain and hurt are just as strong as they ever were. I sit here crying. I found a receipt for a doll he purchased for me.......he went into a bridal shop and bought me a barbie I wanted........he was so damn sweet sober. Even the happy memories make me cry......when is the pain going to fade? Ever? Will the tears ever stop? I just want to stop crying.......

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a little.

Hi to those I know!!! and hi to those I dont know

ranae1221 · 08-27-2006, 04:30 AM

debbie,

i have been sitting here, trying to think the "right" thing to say....and I guess there really isn't anything right about this. so i will just say i hope today is a bit easier for you and you are able to find a bit of peace during the day.

Debbie · 08-27-2006, 05:38 AM

Thanks Jessica.......just those words helped........time to immerse myself in something that makes me not think........cleaning I guess......ugh

Thanks again.

cwohio · 08-27-2006, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Its coming up on two years of his death.....the pain and hurt are just as strong as they ever were. I sit here crying.........he was so damn sweet sober. Even the happy memories make me cry......when is the pain going to fade? Ever? Will the tears ever stop? I just want to stop crying.......

(((debbie))) i too lost my husband - it's coming up on 1 year and i feel exactly the same. i cry more than i have ever cried in my life. my husband was one of those that would give you the shirt off his back when he was sober. i have to put one foot in front of the other lots of days. i continue to lean on God.

historyteach · 08-27-2006, 05:54 AM

(((Debbie)))
I'm sorry you're still in such a painful place. I don't believe that the pain ever goes away completely; just that we learn to deal with it and move on. But, memories remain. And with those memories, those we've loved live on. And we cherish the beautiful memories...like buying that doll you wanted. How wonderful to remember such a thoughtful gesture of his love for you.

I pray you find peace. Know that we're here for you.

Shalom!

indigo · 08-27-2006, 06:41 AM

We may forget whole days still we never forget those special moments. Hold fast to your moments for you are holding your love for your husband who has gone a little further ahead.

my dearest wishes for your peace of mind
indigo

deedee · 08-27-2006, 10:55 AM

(((Debbie)))

I'm sorry you're still hurting so

I'm not sure the pain ever stops, but for me it comes and goes. Just when I think I'm getting "better", the emotions and constant thinking of my son come back with a vengeance. I think of it as my mind and heart's way of giving me a reprieve, before the pain of grieving begins again.

I hope you continue to share your thoughts and your pain. You know how much we love you and care.

love and prayers ~

deedee

abtchonamission · 08-27-2006, 11:25 AM

((((((((Debbie)))))))))

I'm sorry the hurt is still so fresh and strong. Sending big, comforting hugs to you...you've been missed.

margo · 08-27-2006, 02:19 PM

((((((((((Debbie)))))))))) I'm really glad you're here and that you're talking about it. There's sometimes no answers, but just writing it down can help. I've been trying to outrun my sorrow all my life, but recently I'm finally starting to accept that it can't work that way - I think maybe you've discovered that too? There is no time limit for grieving, so don't question the fact that it's two years later and you still cry. Yes, the pain will fade, perhaps not completely, and that's okay. We learn to live with loss, not get over it, and that takes time. Be good to yourself, dear Debbie.

Debbie · 08-27-2006, 02:44 PM

Thank you all

I think there's a little guilt in there too, because I want so much to have that special person in my life again.....not to replace him but to feel good about being with someone again. And then it just hits me like a ton of bricks......its a process......I have process - I keep telling myself that.

I love you all.......big big hugs

BigSis · 08-27-2006, 02:57 PM

(((Debbie))) Hi, I'm BigSis... I think I started here after you left. Glad to see you back, but sorry that it is your pain that brings you here.

Your words remind me of my sis-in-law who still grieves my brother's death (2/22/00). She just wanted SO much to be part of a "couple" again and she did start dating about two years after he died. She found a man, and for a few months, I thought she was very happy. But once the "tingle" and excitment of being a couple wore off, and after comingling her assets with his... she is regretting moving so fast.

I know WHY she did, and I don't fault her. I am not one to wish another stay in pain. But what she has today is a bit of a mess, and she is confused and hurting in a different way.... and is honestly missing the fact that she feels she cannot "publicly" (i.e., in front of relatives, even) grieve her loss.... because by being with the new guy, it was like sending out a note to the world that she was "done".

So. That is her story, take from it anything that is helpful.

What I know from my own grieving is that anniversary dates are the hardest. I used to take off work both my daughter's birthday and the anniversary of her death - for probably five years, I think. One year, I just forgot. And that had its own sort of grief.

Time takes time. And that stinks. I wish you the best, Debbie.

((((Debbie)))))

***greeteachday*** · 08-27-2006, 08:40 PM

Welcome back Debbie. I came here after you left, but addiction ran a very fast race and won in my life. My daughter died from tainted heroin in July. I don't have any wise words to offer, since i'm struggling myself. Some days are better than others; the worst is crying without warning in front of others - I hate that look of panic in their eyes.
Memories help, just knowing there are people here helps.
I hope that helps you too. I'm sorry for your loss and sorry you still have such pain. I hope tomorrow brings less pain.

Debbie · 08-28-2006, 04:19 AM

I am so sorry to all of you dealing with loss......I wouldnt wish these feeling on my worst enemy.

Thank you all so much for your kind words, they do help so much, more than you can imagine. I always felt so peaceful when I came here. It was like coming home every time I came here.

Thank you all truly.......hugsssssssss to you all.

**Ann** · 08-28-2006, 05:09 AM

Quote:

I found a receipt for a doll he purchased for me.......he went into a bridal shop and bought me a barbie I wanted........he was so damn sweet sober. Even the happy memories make me cry......when is the pain going to fade? Ever? Will the tears ever stop? I just want to stop crying.......

The pain will stop and you'll notice in subtle ways. One day, this same memory will put a smile on your lips, instead of tears. One day, the memories will be sweet treasures that bring you comfort instead of pain. One day, all your regrets and sadness will turn into gratitude and healing.

I promise, that one day you will be at peace with all this and the heaing will begin.

Love you, Debbie, and am so glad you are back.

Debbie · 08-29-2006, 04:04 AM

Ann.........thank you........ I will get thru.......I know some days are worse than others and vice versa........I know one day it will all find its place in myself

I am glad I am back too

Wolfstarr · 08-30-2006, 08:47 PM

(((((Debbie))))))) you are home...
missed you

Debbie · 09-02-2006, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfstarr

(((((Debbie))))))) you are home...
missed you

Awww.......I missed you too.......I missed everyone.......and yes I am home........not sure why I stayed away so long.........I guess I thought I could process alone........obviously that is not so.......

best · 09-02-2006, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debbie

I guess I thought I could process alone........obviously that is not so.......

You can, it just takes longer and thus hurts longer.

So nice seeing you back around. *HUG*

Over time it does get better.

Debbie · 09-03-2006, 02:17 PM

Thanks best

Can never have too many hugs either, thank you.........just waiting or it to feel a little better.......time......yep........time.

08-27-2006, 03:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	Almost two years Funny how we always come back. I used to "work" here kind of lol Then my husband died......he was an alcohol/drug user. He was doing really well right before he died so it was a total shock when it happened. The folks here got me through so many sleepness nights and helped me through when he passed.....then I tried to forget every thing. Guess what I never forgot the people here who are so much like family, never far from my mind......but trying to push everything out of my head made me think maybe I could move on. I have so been trying to move on....... Its coming up on two years of his death.....the pain and hurt are just as strong as they ever were. I sit here crying. I found a receipt for a doll he purchased for me.......he went into a bridal shop and bought me a barbie I wanted........he was so damn sweet sober. Even the happy memories make me cry......when is the pain going to fade? Ever? Will the tears ever stop? I just want to stop crying....... Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a little. Hi to those I know!!! and hi to those I dont know

08-27-2006, 04:30 AM	#2 (permalink)
ranae1221 Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Arizona Posts: 318	debbie, i have been sitting here, trying to think the "right" thing to say....and I guess there really isn't anything right about this. so i will just say i hope today is a bit easier for you and you are able to find a bit of peace during the day. __________________ Jessica "You can have a perfectly normal life..... if you accept the fact that your life will never be perfectly normal" You laugh because I am different...I laugh because you are all the same

08-27-2006, 05:54 AM	#5 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 9,303	(((Debbie))) I'm sorry you're still in such a painful place. I don't believe that the pain ever goes away completely; just that we learn to deal with it and move on. But, memories remain. And with those memories, those we've loved live on. And we cherish the beautiful memories...like buying that doll you wanted. How wonderful to remember such a thoughtful gesture of his love for you. I pray you find peace. Know that we're here for you. Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

08-27-2006, 06:41 AM	#6 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	We may forget whole days still we never forget those special moments. Hold fast to your moments for you are holding your love for your husband who has gone a little further ahead. my dearest wishes for your peace of mind indigo __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

08-27-2006, 10:55 AM	#7 (permalink)
deedee Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Faith~Hope~Love Posts: 933	(((Debbie))) I'm sorry you're still hurting so I'm not sure the pain ever stops, but for me it comes and goes. Just when I think I'm getting "better", the emotions and constant thinking of my son come back with a vengeance. I think of it as my mind and heart's way of giving me a reprieve, before the pain of grieving begins again. I hope you continue to share your thoughts and your pain. You know how much we love you and care. love and prayers ~ deedee __________________ ~ While the light lasts I shall remember and in the darkness I shall not forget ~

08-27-2006, 05:38 AM	#3 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	Thanks Jessica.......just those words helped........time to immerse myself in something that makes me not think........cleaning I guess......ugh Thanks again.

08-27-2006, 11:25 AM	#8 (permalink)
abtchonamission Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: In the mountain air Posts: 1,345	((((((((Debbie))))))))) I'm sorry the hurt is still so fresh and strong. Sending big, comforting hugs to you...you've been missed. __________________ Faith... When you come to the end of all the light you know and you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly.

08-27-2006, 02:19 PM	#9 (permalink)
margo Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia Posts: 1,727	((((((((((Debbie)))))))))) I'm really glad you're here and that you're talking about it. There's sometimes no answers, but just writing it down can help. I've been trying to outrun my sorrow all my life, but recently I'm finally starting to accept that it can't work that way - I think maybe you've discovered that too? There is no time limit for grieving, so don't question the fact that it's two years later and you still cry. Yes, the pain will fade, perhaps not completely, and that's okay. We learn to live with loss, not get over it, and that takes time. Be good to yourself, dear Debbie.

08-27-2006, 02:44 PM	#10 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	Thank you all I think there's a little guilt in there too, because I want so much to have that special person in my life again.....not to replace him but to feel good about being with someone again. And then it just hits me like a ton of bricks......its a process......I have process - I keep telling myself that. I love you all.......big big hugs

08-27-2006, 02:57 PM	#11 (permalink)
BigSis On a tear Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country! Posts: 3,240	(((Debbie))) Hi, I'm BigSis... I think I started here after you left. Glad to see you back, but sorry that it is your pain that brings you here. Your words remind me of my sis-in-law who still grieves my brother's death (2/22/00). She just wanted SO much to be part of a "couple" again and she did start dating about two years after he died. She found a man, and for a few months, I thought she was very happy. But once the "tingle" and excitment of being a couple wore off, and after comingling her assets with his... she is regretting moving so fast. I know WHY she did, and I don't fault her. I am not one to wish another stay in pain. But what she has today is a bit of a mess, and she is confused and hurting in a different way.... and is honestly missing the fact that she feels she cannot "publicly" (i.e., in front of relatives, even) grieve her loss.... because by being with the new guy, it was like sending out a note to the world that she was "done". So. That is her story, take from it anything that is helpful. What I know from my own grieving is that anniversary dates are the hardest. I used to take off work both my daughter's birthday and the anniversary of her death - for probably five years, I think. One year, I just forgot. And that had its own sort of grief. Time takes time. And that stinks. I wish you the best, Debbie. ((((Debbie))))) __________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis

08-27-2006, 08:40 PM	#12 (permalink)
*greeteachday* Just Me Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: a better place Posts: 3,853	Welcome back Debbie. I came here after you left, but addiction ran a very fast race and won in my life. My daughter died from tainted heroin in July. I don't have any wise words to offer, since i'm struggling myself. Some days are better than others; the worst is crying without warning in front of others - I hate that look of panic in their eyes. Memories help, just knowing there are people here helps. I hope that helps you too. I'm sorry for your loss and sorry you still have such pain. I hope tomorrow brings less pain. __________________ Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith - Margaret Shepherd

08-28-2006, 04:19 AM	#13 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	I am so sorry to all of you dealing with loss......I wouldnt wish these feeling on my worst enemy. Thank you all so much for your kind words, they do help so much, more than you can imagine. I always felt so peaceful when I came here. It was like coming home every time I came here. Thank you all truly.......hugsssssssss to you all.

08-29-2006, 04:04 AM	#15 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	Ann.........thank you........ I will get thru.......I know some days are worse than others and vice versa........I know one day it will all find its place in myself I am glad I am back too

08-30-2006, 08:47 PM	#16 (permalink)
Wolfstarr Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Deeeep South Posts: 767	(((((Debbie))))))) you are home... missed you

09-03-2006, 02:17 PM	#19 (permalink)
Debbie I used to work here ;) Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :) Posts: 2,016	Thanks best Can never have too many hugs either, thank you.........just waiting or it to feel a little better.......time......yep........time.

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