Sometimes

[Paulina]

Sometimes I forget all about being grateful..sometimes I am so depressed and angry and sad that all I can see is darkness, feel the pain of addiction...harbor resentments and regrets... but today...today I am grateful that my boys still love me in spite of all the chaos and dysfunction and violence that was brought into their lives due to drug living, today I am grateful that I never came down with diseases from the needle, today I am grateful that I still have a mind to use and create healthy stuff...today I am grateful that I wasn't murdered through violence and drugs..that I made it out..made it back to recovery...I am grateful to God that He has gotten me this far in life...I'm grateful for this site as I still cannot share in the rooms. Thank you...

[michski]

Aww.. your post brought tears to my eyes. Yes there is so much to be grateful for and it is gratitude that heals our wounds. You know what they say.. "Say please in the morning and Thank You at night" Sounds like a piece of fluff but it's worked for me.

Become another miracle! Hang with the winners, don't drink/use and post everyday until you can get yourself to face to face meetings!

Peace,
Michele

[bikewench]

Continued Blessings on you Paulina...

I love this forum as well.. cause I also air things here I could never share face to face...

so.. really glad you found your way here....
I hope you stay and share your passage to better life with us...

[Paulina]

thank you Michelle and bikewench! "bikewench" hahaha love that! Another morning..another morning filled with pain...without gratitude the bad stuff overflows and takes control...so this morning...I am grateful that I slept last night and wasn't suffering from paranoia in some ungodly haven...I'm grateful that I was able to call a friend to do a 12 step call for my son who is suffering from withdrawls...I'm soo grateful for my new grandson who is pure and innocent and gives me the sweetest smiles and melts my heart...that I still have a beating heart....and most of all I am grateful for my higher power who loves me unconditionally...

[Paulina]

the sun hasn't shined here for 8 days straight now..clouds are gray gray gray, and the wind is soo cold...but this morning when I go to a meeting I will be grateful for the love and wisdom, the warmth and light I find in the rooms...the support, the Lord's prayer and the serenity prayer....I am grateful to have found my way back....for today

[Paulina]

One of those days when it is soo hard to be grateful..when you feel like ole man Mr.Murphy won't get off your back...think, think, think....gratitude....the sun made an hour appearance today wahoo! I have a warm safe place to sleep, my grandma loves me....I was able to go into a grocery store and not get all manic trying to remember what I went in for..didn't get nutsy by the bright lights either....my sons are cool and sweet....I see innocence in a baby and its precious....most of all grateful to my God I am here for another day clean....

[Paulina]

every morning i wake up and there is this old two by four hanging around..and it goes, "ahh Pauline I see you are still standing, we can't have that now can we?" and WHACK! here comes another blow dealt by life....not sure what is going on, why I am receiving blows day after day after day...since getting clean, nothing, absolutely nothing is going my way..in fact all the doors and windows are slamming shut in my face..the light at the end of the tunnel has been barricaded...the evilness of people are shining bright....and God is staying silent....I think of this saying that was given to me awhile back.."I believe in the sun even when it isn't shining, I believe in love even when I don't feel it, I believe in God even when He is silent" was scratched on a concentration wall camp...so I am grateful to whoever this person is that said this..for if they still held on to their belief in a higher power while being in a nazi camp, then I guess it should be a whole easier for me to hold on...