Some of my thoughts on gratitude.

[sct]

Today I’m grateful for the opportunity to be self loathing. I think a lot of people forget to be grateful for the challenges, the struggles, the ‘negatives’ in their lives. I know, when I was using, I didn’t have a sense of self, nor the presence of mind to be disgusted with myself when I was acting like an *******.

I listened to a speaker today, who said that ‘Success is having what you want, and happiness is wanting what you have.’ And that’s a pretty good definition for gratitude as well. I guess it requires two things, being aware of what it is you really have, and remembering to be glad for it. If I can be self loathing- it means I have a self to loathe. It means I’ve gotten to know myself well enough to see flaws and areas for improvement. And if I’m not seeing myself clearly, it still means that I have the ability to feel anything at all, and I’m alive, and awake, and being given the opportunity to change something in me to help me grow.

It’s easy to be grateful for the usual things I think. For people who love me, for a roof over my head, for food in my fridge… but I’m also grateful for my pains. I’m grateful for the clicks and noises in my joints, because they’re evidence that I’m alive. Evidence that I can move, and have the presence of mind to recognize pain, rather than being numb. I have proof that I have survived my life thus far. Those clicks and soreness are my evidence that I have been through hell, and I don’t need to go back to that hell. They’re the evidence of my active addiction and a constant reminder to be thankful that I’m no longer putting myself into those kinds of situations. They’re a reminder that I’m safer now than I have been ever before in my life, and for that I’m thankful.

I’m thankful for emotional pain, because I know that in the future I’ll be feeling the same height of joy. It may not be today, but I’m learning that there’s a balance in the world. That God does not take without giving, and even if what’s happening isn’t in line with my plan, it is in line with His plan. If **** sucks and it hurts, I’m grateful to be aware enough to feel that I deserve better, as evidence of any kind of self esteem. If I felt I could not do better I would never have motivation to grow, and change. If pain is motivation to change, it’s only because we hurt because we want something better. That pain is the absence of despair.

[Rusty Zipper]

‘Success is having what you want, and happiness is wanting what you have.’

all i ever really wanted was just one day of not drinking or druging...

and grateful i got that!

and from that, i have recieved so, so much more!

so i would say, i am happy...

warts, foilbles, shhit fairy and all!

[Rella927]

What a wonderful thread

The power of recovery and Zippy is one of many proven it can be done!

SCT thank you for sharing this it gives hope!

[PassItOn2KeepIt]

I agree, what a great thread. I never used to understand and frankly would get slightly annoyed (because I didn't understand, I guess!) when people would introduce themselves as a "real alcoholic" and or a "grateful alcoholic." I guess I really wasn't ready at that time to begin to admit or understand what that meant. Today I get it though, and surprisingly I have joined the ranks of "grateful alcoholics" for the very point sct made above: the bad comes with the good, and it's supposed to, and that's okay, it's how we learn. I didn't want to even admit being an alcoholic for a long time, it was embarrassing plus I desperately didn't want it to be true. However, after trying some controlled drinking and finally concluding in utter defeat that I AM FOR SURE A REAL ALCOHOLIC, to be honest, I realize that I couldn't want what I have today or have what I want or even think at all, were it not for the ugliness too, that led me here somehow. I became free because I didn't have to fight myself on the issue or be unsure. I did what was suggested for my doubt, and my experience told me the answer. That's where the gratefulness started in. I still think about the things I did to hurt others, the selfishness, the shame, and it still sometimes feels as though I wish they hadn't happened, of course, but what I realize above the emotion is that it was necessary for those things to happen for me to remember them so that I can appreciate not having to live my life that way today, if I don't want to.