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Old 12-17-2013, 05:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Spousal abuse and GLBTQ relationships.

Do you think it is more difficult to 1) recognize abuse in gay relationship 2) more difficult to find resources. Give a recent situation I've been thinking about this a lot. As a man there are limited resources when your the abused spouse, as a gay man I think there are basically none. What are you thoughts?
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Old 12-17-2013, 07:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Fed up, I don't know about Colorado. I know in my state there are groups and aid for abused men and LGBT victims. Sometimes it isn't well advertised.
If you contact your state resources for abuse victims you may be surprised to find they have these services. Even though it may be advertised for abused women there's usually more than that available. Domestic abuse hotline might also help?

Anyway you are not alone. Maybe focusing on self worth, boundaries and safety with a therapist would be a start?
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Old 12-17-2013, 07:51 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Here is some online support and aid for male abuse victims:

Male Victims of Domestic Violence - AARDVARC.org
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Old 12-17-2013, 07:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Here is another link for LGBT male victim support.

Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project / GMDVP.org
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Old 12-17-2013, 07:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I don't know bit please take care of YOU!!!
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Old 12-17-2013, 09:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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looks like EQ gave you some good resources. anecdotally, i have never heard of a women's help group turning away an abused man. that would be like kicking a vicodin addict out of an aa meeting. just because you might not be the typical abuse victim, doesn't make it any less real. my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Old 12-17-2013, 09:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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There's also the hotline, which doesn't discriminate or gender or sexuality:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Get Help
Quote:
Our highly trained expert advocates are available 24/7 to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship.

The hotline provides lifesaving tools and immediate support to enable victims to find safety and live lives free of abuse. Resources and help can be found at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or for Deaf callers on video phone 1-855-812-1001 (Monday to Friday, 9 AM—5PM PST) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

If it’s not safe for you to call, or if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, another option for getting direct help is our chat services here on the site. You’ll receive the same one-on-one, real-time, confidential information from a trained advocate as you would on the phone. You can chat Monday to Friday, 9AM—7PM CST.
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Old 12-18-2013, 01:55 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall View Post
Do you think it is more difficult to 1) recognize abuse in gay relationship 2) more difficult to find resources. Give a recent situation I've been thinking about this a lot. As a man there are limited resources when your the abused spouse, as a gay man I think there are basically none. What are you thoughts?
Here in the UK there is a domestic violence hotline - mainly it's aimed at women but they do have the number for the relatively new 'same sex' partners, if it's males. I don't know about your country, but it would be wonderful if you could start one if one doesn't exist
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Old 12-18-2013, 07:31 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks for the responses everyone. IDK really know where to go from here. It was an isolated incident, and honestly, probably more of an accident then anything. The part that bothers me the most is, I know that had he not been drinking it wouldn't have happened. That, and his reaction the next day of not even remembering and then acting like it wasn't that big of a deal. After 7 years this is the first time anything like this has happened which is causing my confusion, and has me thinking I'm over reacting but I don't want this to escalate either. I will certainly look into the resources EternalQ has provided. Thank you again!
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It's not only that we have to stop going to the hardware store for bread -- we also have to stop resenting the hardware store for not carrying bread in the first place. - Florence
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Old 12-18-2013, 02:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Do you really think being drunk is an excuse tho?

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Old 12-18-2013, 03:24 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Certainly not. All I'm saying, and using to justify his actions I suppose, is the fact that what he meant to do was get me out of the way, what he did was knock me down. Basically, I was trying to fix the basket of the deep fryer he was trying to use, he decided I wasn't doing it right and wanted to do it himself. It's funny, even as I type all this out I see how stupid I'm being. The fact that it wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been drunk, is just that, it wouldn't have happened and isn't acceptable. Reality is that I've come to the realization that I need to get out, but circumstances prevent it from being feasible.
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It's not only that we have to stop going to the hardware store for bread -- we also have to stop resenting the hardware store for not carrying bread in the first place. - Florence
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Old 12-18-2013, 03:39 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Well, you're in a better position to judge the situation than I am.

There's a great sticky on abuse in the Family and Friends forum. I still recommend you at least read it

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html (About Abuse)

Best wishes to you

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Old 12-19-2013, 02:29 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Hey fed up... Ken here.

I have been through what you describe. Together years and never anything. Then I got bashed. No. You are not blowing it out of proportion. I sent you an IM if you want. Below is my story.

Hang in there.


my story (Domestic violence and alcohol)
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