Man, do I relate to the "being on" thing. I've 'been on' so much for so long that I finally broke down. It was like I'd driven down the freeway in third gear for too many years and blew....something. I don't know anything about cars, but that's my best analogy.
I was so exhausted that at one point I remarked to my wife/partner, "I'm so tired that when I go to ask someone a question about themselves, I'm too tired before my question is even done to care about their answer!"
Hopefully, with finding others who let their masks down, you'll start to feel safe enough to lower your own. It's a huge relief. AAers are often nothing if not authentic. Not all of course; we're all human and "being on" is an ingrained habit. But being surrounded by safe people, it can be an easy relief to shed that straight jacket.
Welcome to SR - lots of great people and support here.