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Old 07-01-2013, 06:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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asking for help

Hello, I just registered this evening so that I could gain some perspective/ask for advice.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a year now and I have been there with her through her recovery (opiate addiction). She relocated after going through detox in order to ensure her recovery, but went to back to her prior state to visit family. I was with her shortly, and had to return home.

She has been concerned for months that having to be there would lead to relapse. This afternoon, she accidentally (could it have been intentional?) sent me a text, after having told me she was feeling ill and was taking a nap, about where to meet. It was obvious that she had been lying, and when she finally returned my call, she told me that she had gone to meet someone to "pick up" but that she decided against it once she realized her mistake.

I don't know what to do, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't believe that she didn't use. I know I am not supposed to make her feel guilty. She is supposed to be coming to stay with me tomorrow.. I've told her not to come, that I need time to sort out my feelings but I want desperately to see her. I feel disappointed and numb. I don't want to risk her relationship with her family/friends, I feel I can't confide in anyone.

What I want is someone to talk to, to tell the entire story of what she's been through, and what we've been through together. I want to know if it's possible that I could believe her, but I know in my gut that she's relapsed.

I know that this is unlikely, but are there support numbers (hotlines) available? I feel like I need someone to confide in. I should have been going to meetings all along, I'm just worried about people finding out that she/I have these problems. That fear is not helpful.

Thank you for listening.
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:07 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Spades,

You might check locally. I don't know of any nation-wide hotlines that'd be useful in your situation. Some AA/NA groups I know will have volunteer staffed numbers to call based in the local chapter, I don't know if Nar-Anons ever do the same.

Keeping your situation private as possible is quite understandable. In your meetings is there any one person who you feel you could count on to talk one-on-one with?

Proud of you for setting your limits. I can only imagine it feels terrible to put up that distance with someone you care about. But you must know if she's using it's going to keep her from ever being fully there in a mutual relationship. Your putting up space in order to help both of you and the relationship; her using creates distance that'll never resolve itself.

If you haven't been to the Friends and Family forums yet, you might try that too. If you wanted to talk via private messages rather than the public board, I'm sure if you just ask you'll get dozens of offers.

Take care.
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Old 07-02-2013, 10:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Spades, welcome to SR.

What a frustratingly painful situation to be in. Isaiah provided some good insight into finding help. I would also encourage posting in our Friends and Family of Addicts or Alcoholics section as you will find many there who have walked through similar experiences and can be great resource people. I know some will gladly speak with you via pm or chat if you are more comfortable.

Unfortunately our GLBT section is rather small and can be a bit slow to respond to threads at SR. I think that is because many either don't realize it is here or they just post in the main areas of the forum because they know there are more people there to respond to their posts and they can get faster responses. I have found that no one seems to bat an eye at my being a lesbian in the main areas of the forum so I always feel welcome up there just as I do down here. You are more than welcome to only post here but I do encourage you to feel safe trying out the other areas of our boards.

Anyway take care and I do hope we see more of you around here. Please let us know how things progress and how you are doing.
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Old 07-02-2013, 10:59 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi Spades - welcome to SR. You'll find a lot of support and information here. The 'Friends and Family' threads might be of special interest/help for you, as well.

As far as in-person or phone contact, I'd strongly suggest Al-Anon: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

My wife has attended Al-Anon meetings and she said she just sat and cried through her first meeting and every single person was kind, compassionate and understanding.

There is help and support out there - you're not alone.
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Old 07-02-2013, 11:04 PM   #5 (permalink)
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While I'm sure there are some meetings and people who are moronic about this, I only once have encountered any perceivable anti-LGBT bias in my time at AA, and I live in Georgia and am openly bisexual and look effeminate. So, I don't think there is much of a chance of you encountering that at a meeting or here.

However, if that is not enough, I'm sure there are LGBT-centered recovery resources and hotlines. And, some AA/NA meetings are specifically LGBT (not that they keep heterosexuals out, but that's the category of the meeting; it's officially a safe haven for us).
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